It Feeds On The Blood, It Feeds On The Heat

[itstillhurt]

Who: Azula and various CR
Which: Noctaere Plot Log (Closed)
Where: Various locations in Reverein, the Wastelands and Interactive Dreamscapes
What: On the night of the 21st, the heat becomes unbearable. A thunderstorm rolls over Reverein, but there's no rain- posing its own problems when lightning strikes the dry earth. The shape of a bird made of blue flame can be seen fleeing from the village, but the weather disturbances remain, as does the damage it's causing. Fires are a serious concern. The unnatural storms will last until the end of the 22nd. After that, the unnatural dry and intense thunderstorm will subside into a normal heavy rainfall.

Warnings: A lot of violence, possibly including arson and burns. Also some examination of a backstory including abuse, neglect, war crimes, and themes of genocide.

Comments

[uncle_iroh]

"One of the great things about being an outcast of the Fire Nation is that there is no one to give me missions anymore," he said, as if mildly amused. "I still have much work to do, but the pace is my own. As for keeping my hands clean, I suppose the question is what the dirt would be. Digging in a garden, for example, is worth dirtying one's hands."

[itstillhurt]

"Hm. And how about killing a monster, would that be worth it?"

She doesn't look at him as she says it. She stares at the memory, the two figures making hand signs back and forth in silence.

"I tried to tell him, you know. What I was. He refused to believe me."

She tries to keep her voice even. It doesn't seem to work. Not in here, not in her own dreamscape.

[uncle_iroh]

"Why would he? When you don't seem to? How can anyone know who you are, until you know who you are?"

Oh he was so full of it. And yet...

[itstillhurt]

"... whatever else you may believe of me, Uncle, I've always been well aware that I was a monster."

It's the most harsh that her tone has gotten since he arrived, the first indication of actual anger rather than simple weary bitterness, but it fades almost immediately- not with the unnatural practice of her impassive mask. Instead, it's as if she simply expended all the energy she had.

"I know what I am," she repeats, quietly.

And that's when the Azula in the memory suddenly stops in shock, staring at the boy on the fountain beside her in surprise for a moment... and then slowly slumps over, obviously crying, just as obviously trying to hide it and failing.

After a moment, he boy slowly places his hand over hers in the memory. She stops, stares at his hand... and slowly turns her hand to clasp his, clutching it tightly as she cries.

And the present Azula suddenly looks away from the memory, her own eyes clearly beginning to fill with tears.

"Just... tell me what it is you want from me, Uncle, or leave me alone." After a moment, her voice shaking, she adds, "...please."

[uncle_iroh]

"Your brother was sure he knew what he was for a long time, and he was wrong. I'm not saying that you are wrong. But I am not saying you are right either. But since this is the first time I have heard you use that word in a long time without a sneer or sarcasm, I'll do what you asked. Especially since one thing we both know you aren't... is stupid enough to attack me while my back is turned." At least, not again.

And with that he turned and started walking away from her. And towards the memory version of her.

[itstillhurt]

Well, he's right. Azula doesn't attack him while his back is turned.

In fact, she doesn't acknowledge him at all. She seems to simply settle back into watching the memory.

In the memory, the vision of Azula finally finishes crying, looks up at the pale boy, and hastily withdraws her hand, as if she was ashamed. As Iroh walks forward, the vision fades, leaving him alone with the present Azula in the village square.

After a moment, the dreamscape itself seems to shift subtly around him- the dragon's castle, the night of the masquerade. The night Iroh arrived. Azula doesn't seem to have come with him, he's surrounded by distant visions- memories- of the other guests.

[uncle_iroh]

Frowning slightly, and still alert, he turned slowly to take in his new surroundings.

[itstillhurt]

The thorough scan of the surroundings pays off, at least- he's able to see two figures on a balcony well above Iroh, two floors above ground level. They're both in masquerade outfits but without their masks. Azula, and the same boy from the fountain. He's staring out over the view, she seems to be studying the walls as if looking for a weakness. A way to scale them, possibly.

She seems to give up, ready to go inside, but he's clearly still entranced by the sight, and though she looks mildly annoyed about it, she relents and stays out on the balcony with him a while longer. They begin communicating using that unusual hand language again.

On the ground level, everything is much as it was on that night, but the other guests walking in and out of the castle seem to vanish as soon as they're out of Azula's line of sight; she has no memory of where they were when she couldn't see them, after all. There's no sign of the present-day Azula.

[uncle_iroh]

He took a ready stance and watched, alert for an attack from any side. Ready.

[itstillhurt]

Fortunately, there's no ambush, no attack. The only unusual activity is the moment when, after the memory of Azula has to start using her book again, she suddenly snaps at him, though what she says audible from the ground. Apparently she controls herself and starts communicating using hand symbols again, and the boy seems completely unbothered by her outburst.

A few moments later, Azula gestures for the boy to follow her inside, and once again all the movement stops and the people disappear as they leave the sight-line of Azula's memory, leaving Iroh alone in the empty exterior of the dreamscape as the memories follow her back inside the castle.

Paid ran out, sorry!

[uncle_iroh]

He pulled at his beard in thought, but remained alert.

No worries! Also, 1/2:

[itstillhurt]

As the memory shifts inside the castle, it doesn't take long for him to spot them again. This time, they're still dressed for the masquerade, and the pale boy is... leading her to the dance floor?

She has a domino mask on, a shoddy thing- one Iroh may well recognize from the party- but without the magic of the ball, it's perfectly obvious that it's Azula beneath it, looking anxious. Furtive. Uncomfortable. But the boy enthusiastically leads her into a dance, and impossibly, she actually cooperates, though she looks as bewildered by it as any onlooker would be to see it.

After a moment, though, she seems to relax. She even looks like she's enjoying herself.

As the dance continues and the music gets a little louder, the dream shifts again. It's odd, an impossible memory, because this time, it's not the ballroom, or anywhere else in Reverein. It's a location Iroh has seen for himself- the crystal catacombs beneath Ba Sing Se.

But there's no Dai Li, no Avatar, no Zuko, and no war. There's only the same two figures, Azula and the pale boy, dancing. Their clothing is different, she's back in her typical Fire Nation attire. The music, however, is still there, playing from a strange box in the corner behind Iroh, a device not native to their world.

2/2

[itstillhurt]

Unlike before, Azula is also there- not the dim memory, but Azula herself, staring at them as she had been back at the fountain. She doesn't seem to notice Iroh's presence at first, and as the two figures in the memory pause for a moment in their dance, she takes a step closer to the pale boy, tentatively reaching for him. Her hand slips through him with no effect.

And that's when she notices Iroh, a moment of panic slipping across her tear-streaked face before being hastily replaced with the forced neutral expression. She pulls her hand back away from the pale boy like a child who's been caught trying to steal something.

"...I thought you were going to leave."

As before, she doesn't sound accusatory, just... tired.

Re: 2/2

[uncle_iroh]

"Who is he?" he asked quietly, keeping his tone and face neutral.

[itstillhurt]

Was, she thinks, bitterly. She doesn't say it, though.

"He-"

She pauses. What would she even say?

Her initial response is to be snappish, dismissive. 'It doesn't matter.' It wouldn't work, of course. Not when he'd seen... all of that. 'Just another victim,' maybe. Flippant, mocking. But right now, she didn't have the effort, the energy, for that sort of game-playing evasion. 'A useful ally.' 'Nobody important.' He had seen her try to reach for him. Humiliating, pathetic display of-

"... he was... a friend."

Too good for her, certainly. Innocent, forgiving, endlessly filled with joy and love for everybody around him. Everything she could never-

"He's gone."

Her voice trembles when she says it. Weak. Emotional. She hates it. She hates it so much.

[uncle_iroh]

"It always hurts those we care for," he said carefully. "There is no weakness in allowing yourself to feel that pain," he added; even knowing she very much disagreed.

[itstillhurt]

"I don't want to let it hurt, I just want him to be-"

... She runs out of steam before she's even finished spitting the words at him, and she slumps and turns back toward the memory. The dance ends and the two finally step back- even in the memory, the Azula of the past let her hands linger on his a little longer than she needed to as they moved apart, as if she was reluctant to let go.

"He told me I wasn't a monster. That he wasn't afraid of me."

Why? Why was she telling Uncle this? Why would she ever-

"...sometimes the ridiculous fool made me believe it."

[uncle_iroh]

"Very rarely do any of us want loss to hurt, especially at first. But we can learn from loss and grow. Many of us have been monsters in the past. But we choose our own futures. If you liked someone thinking you were not the monster, there are futures you can chose on that road. But they are hard roads. Full of rocks and roots to trip you. It takes work, overcoming the roots that want to pull you down. And while sometimes someone can offer you a hand up, offer you help, there is no palanquin or ship that can take you the whole way. It is a journey you must make. Only those who truly want it stand a chance. But many times the road might be offered to us. Even when we thought we passed it too long ago to turn back."

[itstillhurt]

She stares at him then, her lip trembling again, broadcasting her weakness no matter how hard she tried to restrain it. "You're wrong," she snaps.

The memory behind her vanishes, the people and the music device, leaving them alone in the caverns, the water stilling, as if the entire location in the dreamscape was suddenly suspended in time. The glow from the crystals dulls. It feels flat. Grey. Lifeless.

"I've tried. I tried to trust Nanashi, and he left me like the rest. I tried to protect Zuko, and he nearly died for it. And earlier tonight, I tried again. To care about somebody. To be something besides a monster. You tell me, Uncle, did it work?"

[uncle_iroh]

"Let us say I believed you," he said, sounding calm. "How many times did you try before you were able to use lightning? How many times did you try to learn any of the moves you consider signature?" He tucked his hands into his sleeves. "If you are giving up after only a small handful of attempts then perhaps all I thought I knew of you was incorrect indeed."

[itstillhurt]

That-

That genuinely takes her aback. If she didn't know better, she'd think that he was encouraging her. She'd thought he was here to distract her so somebody could kill her, and now he was-

What?

The words themselves strike her as absurd- being a monster was always the one constant, the one thing she could never learn not to be, the one skill she excelled at above all others. Besides that, she's clearly been compromised beyond repair at this point, she can no longer even control her actions-

But there's still something about them that rankles her. They should be true. Allowing this to defeat her isn't just painful, it isn't just something that hurt the few people she genuinely cared about- it's a failure. A sloppy, foolish defeat, one she should have been able to foresee and prevent.

"Let us say you're right," she allows, the fatigue slipping back into her voice, "It's a little late for it now."

[uncle_iroh]

"Perhaps you are right. Perhaps you cannot learn the basics that your brother has mastered. If you are so certain you cannot, you are certain to be proven correct."

[itstillhurt]

"Uncle, you know as well as I do that I won't survive this."

She scowls at the wall.

"It's called a Noctaere. A creature formed of nightmare dreamotion."

Another stupid, foolish mistake on her part. Another attempt to better herself that blew up in her face.

"Somebody will eventually put me down. I assumed you were here to distract me while Zuko did it."

[uncle_iroh]

"I know no such thing. In fact, every time reason or logic has said that you or your brother should have perished, you have both managed to survive. I am certain you will find a way to do so once again. As to the cost of that survival..." he shook his head.

[itstillhurt]

That...

She gives him a long look at that. Once again, he's surprised her. He... he wasn't lying, was he?

A bit late for that, too.

"I wish I had your optimism, but others may not share that faith. Somebody else might still believe that the only way to stop me is to kill me."

After what happened tonight? To Shealtiel? Spirits, Nanashi would be terrified, he hated fire. This is what she is. This is what she always was.

"...maybe they'd be right."