songerein | Tea For Who?

Entry tags:

Tea For Who? - OPEN

Who: Iroh and whomsoever wants to find him
Which: Open Log
Where: Not far from the fountain
What: Iroh enjoying sharing tea with strangers.
Warnings: Possible angst, themes of loss, possible war/death/betrayal mentions.

Iroh had found that he had been able to help people during the crisis in a number of ways. But one of them had been tea and talking. Just being there for people with a calming drink and an open ear. So he was trying that again now, once again by the base of the fountain.

Between conversations he was sipping his own tea and considering what it might take to open a tea shop here. For however long he was going to be here, that was...

For anyone who wanted to find him, he is near the fountain with a small comforting camp fire over which the tea pot is heating and a pair of large picnic style baskets, one of snacks and one of teas and tea fixings. So that he can have enough for every taste and stay a while for whoever showed up without over steeping the tea.

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"Would you not, my dear? Have you only one person you love?" he asked, kindly.

Naminé balked at the question, shrinking toward her shoulders as one might expect a teenager to. "Well, that's not-- exactly the case, no."

But what was the case she seemed to struggle to articulate, opening her mouth once and then shutting it, teacup held in both hands as she stared at it with faroff eyes. Her return to the present didn't take too long, however, and her brow pinched slightly as she refocused on Iroh.

"It's more that I... don't think I can say that I've ever loved someone, exactly, or even that I know what it should feel like. There are many people that I care about, but-- I've never used that word for it before." And given her already complicated relationship with emotions in general... the semantics of it become even more of a mess.

"Well, why don't you tell me about how you feel about these people you care about and we'll see if we can't sort it all out. A kind girl like you, I suspect you've found many people you could love by now."

The girl perked, shifting in place uncertainly. Although the details of why she had so many doubts about her capacity for love were probably too much to mention, there was no reason not to indulge the rest of the question, right? Truthfully, she needed the chance to explore the idea.

Struggling a moment with where to start, she temporarily neglected to drink her tea.

"I guess... I'm grateful to them, more than anything. In my own worlds, I was almost always alone. There were people who were important to me, ones I tried my best to protect in any way I could, but they... it was always from a distance. I couldn't get close, no matter how much I wanted to. And that meant that to them, I wasn't..."

Important? Real? Remembered? That was one of the more unpleasant parts of her history, and Naminé made an effort to shake it off; that wasn't what Iroh had asked about, not technically. The blonde took a sip of her tea to clear the thought, brow scrunched slightly, and started again.

"Here, things are different. I can walk freely - I can go and visit them any time I want to. And I suppose - a part of me was always afraid that even if I could get close, they wouldn't want me there anyway. But it's not like that, not at all. Everyone's been so kind and welcoming, and they treat me well. They protect me, just like I've always wanted to protect them. How could I-- not cherish that? Being here has made me the happiest I've ever been, and most of it's because of the people around me."

"It sounds like things were rough at home for you. Do you want to talk about it?" He offered, gently.

"Huh?" Pausing, the girl seemed momentarily surprised, but... in hindsight, perhaps it wasn't so strange that he would focus on that part. "... Oh. That."

By now that part of her past was farther behind her, and thus felt more like a matter of fact than a tragedy she could recognize as such - not that Naminé had ever been particularly inclined to call it one. Talking about it felt like a questionable idea more because it might bother Iroh than because it bothered her, and the blonde shifted hesitantly a moment. Yet--

"I suppose maybe it would help you understand if you knew. From the time I was born, I was... a captive of sorts, until someone managed to freed me. After that, there were important things I had to do to help make everything right - and that meant hiding myself away from almost everyone else so that I couldn't be found and captured again until it was over. Back in my worlds, I'd only just finished what I had to do before I got taken away to another place, and then to this one."

And all that left little room for a social life, to be sure.

"If you had been a captive, how did someone convince you that it was on you to fix anything?" he asked, keeping his anger hidden to himself for the moment. It sounded like whoever had 'saved' her had actually just captured her themselves. Words could be as effective as steel when it came to creating a prison.

Even without his anger showing on the surface, the question itself was enough to prompt Naminé to shake her head quickly, as if to try to dispel any notion of wrongdoing.

"No one had to convince me of that. Because-- it was true." Goodness, this really had ventured into territory she was cautious of treading. But they were there now; the only way forward seemed to be to explain in the hopes that Iroh might understand. "Even if the things I did while I was captured weren't what I wanted, I still chose to do them. I still... hurt a lot of people, just because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't. It was only right for me to do what I could to make it better afterwards, once I was free."

Sitting back slightly, she folded her hands on her lap, teacup remaining carefully held between them. With her expression so pinched, she looked contrite even now when she was only talking about the past, rather than living it. "And the truth is, the problems I caused couldn't have been resolved by anyone other than me. If I hadn't made the effort, even more innocent people would have suffered because I was selfish."

"While wanting to help others is admirable, doing what you had to when you were under attack to save yourself..." he shook his head. "If someone captured an Owl Wolf for a traveling show and hurt it to make it perform every day... if that performance made it hurt a volunteer from the audience, is the fault the Owl Wolf's? Or is the fault in the horrible person who hurt the creature so?"

Naminé was already prepared with her initial rebuttal - that saving herself should hardly have been her priority when she was, by her very nature, not worth saving. Not in comparison to those she'd hurt, at least. But the words never reached her lips, in light both of what else Iroh had to say and the fact that she'd learned by now, no matter her instincts, that that self-deprecating sort of explanation tended not to go over well with people. (Kind ones, anyway.)

His hypothetical situation did give her pause. What an Owl Wolf was she had no real idea, other than what was implied by the name; going with that assumption, she considered it a moment, and then shook her head.

"If you're talking about a creature that didn't know any better... then it wouldn't be right to blame it. And... I'm sure if something like that did happen, it would have plenty of reasons to be afraid and angry at anyone, not just the people who hurt it. But-- I'm not the same. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I can't take all of the blame, but I... can't forgive myself completely, either."

"I can tell you do not want to argue any more, so I am willing to step back from it for now, but I suspect you give yourself far more blame than you have actually earned."

He had the right of it, really - Naminé was never argumentative by nature. Letting out a breath, she tucked her chin at his words, looking apologetic.

"Thank you. For caring." Both about settling the matter without conflict and about her treatment of herself to begin with. Her features were gentle, anyhow, with her regretful, "I know not everyone agrees with the way I see the past. I hope I didn't upset you, Iroh."

"I was upset for you, not by you, there is a difference," he said, the kindly older uncle.

Despite the crease in her brow, Naminé's smile returned easily enough at his words. What a kind and generous fellow he was, indeed.

"I suppose that's true. Still - I'm sorry, no matter which one of those it was." Easing back into a more relaxed state, the lass sipped at the rest of her tea. "But... I should also thank you for listening. I don't - often talk much about that time in my life. It just seems so long ago, now."

"You can consider yourself always welcome to speak with me, should you wish it," he offered, refilling her tea after she took her sip. Somehow the pot was still quite hot.

Judging by the grateful hint of awe in her expression, Naminé was inclined to take him up on it.

"Yes, I-- I'd like that, I think. And if you need company, I'll say the same to you." With a murmur of thanks for the tea, the blonde took to sipping at it again - although there was only so much a tiny thing like herself could drink in a sitting. "But for today - I've borrowed so much of your time already, haven't I?"

"I thank you. But my time here is not so limited that there is any need to worry about how much of that time you take. It is time pleasantly spent."

The lass bowed her head a little, still unable to help smiling to herself at the reassurance of her presence being welcome.

"Then I'm glad you think so. Although--" Her expression was faintly bashful. "If I drink any more tea today, I might burst."

-- Ah, but just in case that hurt any feelings, "Not that it isn't lovely tea. I've really enjoyed that, too...!" In addition to Iroh's company, of course.

"I am glad that you enjoyed. I will make you tea any time. All you have to do is ask."

"I did," she confirmed, hoping it was as encouraging as she meant it to be. "And I'll look forward to trying it again."

Finishing off her last sip of the tea in question, the girl finally stood as she offered the cup back, all gentle smiles. "Thank you - both for the tea and for looking after me for a while. I hope we'll see each other again soon, Iroh."

"You are very welcome. I look forward to it as well, my new friend."

"Until next time, then...!" With a smiling wave goodbye, the lass turned to take her leave and head homeward.

She certainly hadn't anticipated passing part of her day in such a way, but Iroh had been right; it was time pleasantly spent.

He smiled and waved as well, letting her leave as he started to clean up from their tea.

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Tea For Who? - OPEN

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Cw: theoretical animal cruelty

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Thank you for the thread!