songerein | [December Catch-All] In the lane, snow is glistening...

You don't think there could have been a middle ground?

( Hm. The more he thinks about it, the less he likes it. He understands Azula's points too, sure, but... There's a lot of space between total manipulation to the point of making siblings want to kill each other, and raising total weenies. )

And... did you want to become the heir? Do you?

Of course I-

[... She realizes, even as she's saying it, that it's a lie. She hasn't wanted that in a long time. Maybe even before she came to the city. She doesn't know what she wants.]

I wanted to, then. It was all I cared about. Being deemed worthy. Carrying on Father's legacy. I deserved it. I'd done everything I was supposed to.

[It feels so empty now, and she can't even articulate why.]

But you don't want it anymore?

( The question is rhetorical, mostly. That's the impression he gets from Azula's words. )

It was what he wanted you to care about, after all. I'm sure you had desires yourself, but having someone close to you constantly trying to push for it...

It makes sense if you had to think about it more. Or if it just feels empty, now.

( It almost reminds him of how defensive he'd been when being referred to as anything less than an angel. He's still on the fence... But it's tipping. )

['What he wanted you to care about.'

Those words stick in her mind, and she scowls out the window at the snow.]

All I desired was power. It's what I am. You know that.

[And yet again, it feels like a lie even as she said it. Ugh. Why was this discussion so... strangely alien? Like there was something she still couldn't understand, something she was still lying about when she wasn't even trying to lie anymore.]

... Now, I suppose I've just accepted that my destiny lies elsewhere.

( It's not what she is. Not only that. He wants to debate it, to yell praise and his own thoughts of her, but something clenching in his chest makes him hesitate. She says more, anyway, and he tucks those feelings back.

Destiny... It's better hearing that. )

Do you know what you want to do now? I, uh... I still haven't figured out that kind of thing for myself.

( What he wants to do. Where he should fit. What his destiny might be. If he's angel or demon or something hideous and in between, unliked by both. He unfolds his hands, resting them on the couch next to himself, curling his fingers into the fabric. )

I-

[She immediately thinks of the night of the Noctaere incident. Of the confrontation with Zuko. Of how she'd tried to force him to-]

I don't know.

[She suddenly lowers her eyes again- idly distracting herself by focusing on the hand next to hers on the couch, her next breath faltering slightly.]

There's nothing left for me to pursue. The throne was all I had.

( This is difficult. On the one hand, he feels like he can relate to some aspects of what Azula must be feeling here. Lost, empty, like there's nowhere to even look because your whole life was focused on this One Thing that doesn't even apply to you anymore, that can't even welcome you...

He would have snapped at others offering their hands. He did snap. At Luci... Just when they'd started to get along, he'd scared him off. Now, it might be that even he's abandoned him.

He doesn't want to do that to Azula. To push her into a corner and make her feel like he's going to obnoxiously offer his help or unwanted opinions. At the same time, though, aren't there some things that are nice to hear? To know? His fingers twitch slightly closer to Azula's, barely an inch, and the snow falls hard and quiet outside. )

I... don't think you have to figure it out right away.

( His voice is gentle, but not hesitant. He's not afraid to speak, but he's choosing his words carefully for the sake of making sure he's understood correctly. )

You're intelligent, you're talented, and you're more than you give yourself credit for. You could do just about anything. But, for a variety of reasons, you weren't able to look around or consider anything but the throne.

Now you can. So, I think, at least... that you can take it one step at a time and focus on what's around you. Maybe, sometimes, you don't have to be pursuing something.

What's around me isn't-

[... She almost says real, but something about that- sure, technically, this is a dream world. But it's real enough, realer than her memories of the years before she came here at least. And- somehow saying that about Shealtiel, in particular, makes something stick in her throat.]

... You don't have to worry about it. As you said, I'm intelligent. I'll think of something.

[And that feeling- as if she's lying to him somehow, even though she can't say how.]

And I've resigned myself, at least, to not pursuing an ambition while I'm here.

[Not after what happened with the Dreamotion.]

Maybe we can... think of our own stuff together?

( It sounds stupid, he worries, when it comes out. But he keeps his hands in place even as he lifts his head a little more. )

Paradiso doesn't want me, Inferno definitely wouldn't want me, and the one guy who said he'd put in a good word for me got super mad at me. I don't want to depend on him, anyway. I want to figure it out myself. Where I can go...

I know what it's like to have someone in your business, trying to tell you what to do. I don't want to do that. But... I also know it can feel kind of lonely trying to work through it yourself.

So, you know, if you want... We can just talk about it together sometimes.

[Hrmph. Her immediate impulse is to insist that Paradiso isn't worthy of him, from all that she's seen and heard- but that line of discussion tends to annoy him.

Of course, the momentary restraint just leaves her a few moments to consider what he's suggesting. And- well, what he's suggesting is... oddly open, for him. More so than she's used to. Then again, she's been more open with him than she's used to, as well. And, as usual, he's been nothing but-

'You'll never deserve him. Never.']

Well, it seems we'll have the time. I'm fairly certain we're snowed in now.

[Not that she's changing the subject or anything, but she's absolutely changing the subject.]

Oh—

( The change makes him pull his hand back and up, away from where he'd been inching closer, nervous. Shealtiel's eyes shoot to the window, and he finally actually registers the sight. Snow, falling down in large, soft chunks, and piling up quickly. )

Wow, it's really coming down. They weren't kidding.

( Guess they are stuck. Which... has his heart racing, oddly, and he stands up to try and alleviate that feeling, moving to peer out the window more directly. )

Guess you're stuck with me.

[She gives a little scoff of amusement.]

I tried to prevent this.

[She moves to the window beside him and peers out.]

I might be able to clear the path again if it slows down, but even I can't keep up with this.

( As soon as she moves next to him, he folds his arms behind his back. )

It's not that big of a deal, right? It'll just be like... we're hanging out.

( For an extended period of time. Through meals. And overnight. )

Of course not, why should it be?

[They've been living in proximity for so long that she scarcely sees a difference at this point. She's grown sort of... comfortable with it.]

I hope your food situation is less dire than last time I had to come over.

( uh oh! )

Err... I have... candy, beer, and four boxes of cereal. And maybe some macaroni.

( Shealtiel lives like this. )

I usually go through whatever food I buy pretty quickly, so I never have leftovers. Maybe I should start stocking up for situations like this.

[There's what? That-

Oh, spirits.]

You must be joking. You keep worse food on hand in a dream village than I did when I was impoverished back in the city!

Human food doesn't really do anything for me, so... I just kind of keep what I like eating despite that around.

( He scratches the side of his cheek sheepishly as he says this. It's not like there's any nutritional value, unlike souls... He's stunted for a reason. )

Most angels don't even touch the stuff, so you're lucky I have anything.

[Ugh. Inconvenient.

Well, she could probably still get back home- it would be difficult with the snow blocking the door, but she could manage one short trip to the next tree over, perhaps through the window, melt away anything blocking her own door, and wait the storm out at home.

By herself.

...On the other hand...]

It's not as if it's dire at the moment, I can wait.

( They're alone like this all the time. Sitting together, talking idly, casual...

But somehow, with the snow falling outside, Shealtiel is increasingly more aware of the close proximity, the awkwardness of having nothing to say, and the fact that Azula seems to still be fine with staying with him even when he has a horrible selection of "food".

He feels... nervous? It's uncomfortable. Scary, almost. He kind of wants to run away, but there's nowhere to go.

So he steps away from the window and back to the couch, flopping down into a seat. )

So... What should we do now?

I suppose you should just do whatever you would do if I wasn't here.

[It's presented dismissively, but even as she says it, there's a shift. Now that he's moved away from her and said that, she's become acutely aware of how intrusive this might be.

It's an odd feeling. A new feeling. It shouldn't be new, part of her thinks bitterly, you've done it enough times to enough people-

She ignores it. He'd invited her in, after all, and them being trapped inside now was an accident, right? No harm done.]

( Overthinking, feeling sorry for himself, feeling useless and amounting to nothing as he sits around all day? He frowns slightly, leaning back and crossing one leg over the other. )

I probably should do that sort of thing less...

( That sounds sus, but he's just mumbling to himself, really. In theory. )

Why don't we... watch a movie or something?

[Well, she's certainly going to pretend she didn't hear it and not overthink what he could mean by it. Possibilities ranged from the upsetting to the disgusting and none of them were likely to put her in a good mood.

The alternative suggestion, however, catches her interest.]

...I've never actually watched one.

[She never bothered back in the city, and even once this place got electricity it was never something she'd contemplated. The only entertainment technology she'd bothered with here was music players, and even those weren't electric.]

Really??

( That's the perfect ticket to joy. Shealtiel visibly brightens, sitting up straight again with both feet on the ground. He pats the spot next to him on the couch eagerly, already reaching for the remote. They're stuck in the snow, Azula's never seen a movie before... What would be better than... )

We have to watch The What's-it! It's a horror movie, a classic, even though I only recently got to watch it. I don't want to spoil anything, but my favorite character is the dog.

[... As always, she finds that unabashed enthusiasm inexplicably gratifying.

Well. Now is as good a time as any to experience a new thing, she supposes. She huffs and rolls her eyes, but there's the familiar telltale smirk of amusement on her lips.]

Oh, very well.

[She settles onto the couch beside him, stretching slightly to relax. Could do with fire flakes, but, well, she's sort of accepted that that's never happening, alas.]

( If only. Maybe next time, she'll find he has a fuller fridge... just in case.

For now, though, they're snackless and stuck in the snow, and Shealtiel starts The What's-it and relaxes back on the couch. Their arms brush, and he thinks nothing off it, too entranced in rewatching. His eyes seem to light up at each twist, and he keeps glancing to check that Azula is enjoying it, too.

As much as she can, anyway.

As the credits finally roll, Shealtiel finally speaks. )

Wasn't that crazy? I mean, just to imagine being there, isolated, and that there could still be something... among us.

(

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