songerein | Some day we'll put it together and we'll get it all done

Entry tags:

Some day we'll put it together and we'll get it all done

Who: Joshua (

firebrandish); Joshua & Kazuya (

bellheir)
Which: Closed Log(s) – Mini catchall
Where: Joshua’s home (guest starring his desk)
What:
- Clive is getting married to Jill, and Joshua has started turbo planning. Clive asks him a very important question.
- Kazuya is coming for a friendly visit (and to chat more about what happened at their sparring match a few months ago) where he uncovers something Joshua is hiding.
Warnings: FF16 spoilers maybe? Will add as necessary

Finding the best man for the job

[Joshua sits at his writing desk, a flurry of activity surrounding him as he meticulously organizes piles of parchment filled to the brim with neatly scrawled annotations—and that’s the only sign of tidiness within his vicinity. Whatever documents or lists aren’t placed into haphazard piles lay crumpled on the floor surrounding his seat. His brow furrows in concentration as he reviews his latest endeavor, his quill resting against his cheek.]

[Tap tap.]

[Tap tap.]

[Tap.]

[Then, a heavy sigh. As determined as Joshua is to help make this wedding a success, a celebration worthy of his beloved big brother and his soon to be sister-in-law, there are certain stressors involved. He enjoys planning. Excels in it. Thrives, even. For some reason, however, the stakes seem and feel higher now than with any espionage mission or war strategy he’s partaken in.]

[Still, this is an important moment. One that Clive and Jill will remember forever. He can’t afford to slack or to fall prey to trepidations. Everything will work out, because he will be there to make sure of it.]

[With a decisive nod, Joshua scribbles down a few more notes before reaching for another document.]

Snoopy isn’t just the name of a dog

[Joshua stands outside his treehouse, the crisp air marking winter’s end enveloping him as he takes hold of Alder’s reins. He’d invited Kazuya over for a hangout, hoping to catch up with his friend amid the welcome chaos of his family’s arrival, but his chocobo had other plans. The steed was entering his adolescent months, chock full of rebellious tendencies and endless energy. While Joshua was waiting for Kazuya indoors, Alder saw it fit to cause a ruckus in his stable. And so, Joshua ran outside to help quell the latest in what’s sure to be a string of rambunctious antics.]

[As Alder trots beside him, his feathers ruffled and his demeanor restless, Joshua can't help but feel a twinge of frustration. He'd been looking forward to spending time with Kazuya, and now his plans were derailed by his unruly chocobo. He reminds himself that, intelligent as they are, chocobos are still animals. He can hardly blame the bird for whatever instinct is driving him.]

Easy there, boy.

[Joshua’s tone is soft as he gently tugs on the reins.]

What’s gotten into you?

[Alder lets out a squawk in response, his beak snapping at the air as if he's eager to be free of his constraints. Joshua sighs, knowing that Alder's energy needs to be expended somehow, or else he'll continue to act out. Disappointment aside, he has a responsibility to take care of.]

[It’s at that moment that he notices a familiar figure coming close, and Joshua waves.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't feel anything other than just generally stronger.

[More so than after he feeds off of Naoya, obviously. It's weird to think about, but Joshua is definitely a much more filling meal.]

And I more energetic. But it's not as much as it was before, so that's probably good too.

[The amount of energy when he'd first fed from Joshua had been a little.... Well, he'd been pacing nonstop for days after, trying to work it out like a bad sugar high.]

[That's definitely a good thing. For Kazuya to absorb that much energy again would, without exaggeration, likely kill Joshua. As much as he cares about his friend, enough to lay down his life for him if ever necessary, Joshua feels like that would just be a waste.]

Then small instances of negative emotion will be enough to tide you over.

Have you an idea of how often you must needs recharge?

[He almost said 'feed', but that felt like too much.]

I'm a stronger demon, so I don't need to consume magnetite as often as other demons... But when I do, it has to be in greater amounts.

[So, small, frequent feedings would likely suit them both better, if he thinks about it.]

I've been taking almost daily from Naoya, but he never really provides that much for me to begin with.

[For several obvious reasons.]

I don't really know how often I have to consume it, honestly. But letting it go a few months obviously wasn't that great for me. Or you.

No, it wasn't.

[There were very few experiences since Joshua's arrival in Songerein that were less pleasant than Kazuya's unfettered draining of his magical and emotional energy. He's certain that he would've died, had Kazuya not regained control on himself. That, or Phoenix would have taken things into its own hands--and that wouldn't have ended well for anyone.]

Once a sennight then? Or mayhap a fortnight?

I think two weeks should be fine? Like I said, I went a few months before I really needed it, but it was still kind of sparked into action.

[So bad, but still.... Mildly controllable bad.]

I can let you know then if it's too often or should be done more often. I'm also kind of figuring it out as I go, sorry.

[And he doesn't want to overtake from Joshua too. Not just because he fears hurting him, but because he values Josh as a friend.]

Or if you maybe need it more often too? We can check with eachother as we go to see what works best.

There's naught to apologize for.

My only hope is that we can come to an arrangement that is as helpful as possible.

[He's not about to deny that he's unhappy that Kazuya's proposition is going to benefit him. That's an insult. However, Kazuya's well-being remains Joshua's primary concern. Given what he knows about Kazuya's compromise with Naoya, he's hopeful that it will be a net gain for the former.]

[That thought leads to another.]

...May I ask a personal question?

[To that, Kazuya agrees. He wants to figure something out that works best for both of them. For him to be able to keep the Nostilium in check inside his dear friend, and for his own instincts to be kept at better bay. There's a lot between them, and it's selfish to only think of himself in this situation, but really? The sheer relief that floods his body at not having to only take from Naoya is borderline obscene.

Naoya will also be taken care of, by this act.]

Yeah, absolutely.

[It's the least he owes Joshua, for this.]

[Joshua is quiet as he considers how to phrase himself so that his (good) intentions are clear. He rests his chin in his hand, allowing his fingers to curl around it and cover his mouth, as if keeping his words locked away.]

[They'll stay caged for a few moments more before he'll allow them to be released.]

Your agreement to become a demon.

Was it worth it?

...

[There are many things he could say to that question. That he'd do it again without hesitation. That it had been necessary. That there wasn't any other choice, nothing that would have made him and his friends safe, nothing that would have helped Naoya if he hadn't. He could tell him that it wasn't an agreement. That he hadn't known what would happen until he was living it. That he hadn't realized that losing his humanity was part and parcel of becoming King of Bel.

None of this is what Joshua asked. All of it is poor excuses, ways to avoid a question that he doesn't want to answer, because here, in this place, in the thick of it all with no one else he's become close to? In a place where he can only rely on two people, one of whom is Joshua, someone he's found a stalwart friend and ally in, someone who he readily and willingly would place in the ranks of Yuzu and Atsuro, and the other is Naoya. His cousin. His brother. The person who murdered someone who was and wasn't him. The person who was the sole reason he'd had to give up that same humanity in the first place.

He'd do it again, if given the choice, but was it worth it?

Well. That's a different question.]

I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not.

[All he's ever wanted to be was him. To laugh and have fun with his friends. And now he's fought crazy wars with God. With Angels. Against beings he hadn't thought were actually real until they were, and now he's one of them.]

[As much of an advocate and fighter for free will as Joshua is, he can see and understand how sometimes the power to make a choice can be worse than having that choice made for you. Contending with the consequences of one's actions is a necessary price to pay to have full reign overt hose actions to begin with.]

[So he gets why Kazuya takes a while to respond, and why that response is less than concrete. Perhaps it wasn't a fair question to ask in the first place.]

[Regardless, it's clear what Joshua has to do--as a friend, and as someone who hopes to be as much a guide as his older brother is to him.]

Perhaps I can help you find that answer.

Edited (A WORD) 2024-05-31 01:44 (UTC)

I wish it were that simple.

[That Josh could help him find such an answer.]

The thing inside you... It was a Phoenix, right? Are they the symbols of immortality and rebirth for you too?

[He's asking this for a reason, but he sounds unsure.]

[That first bit earns a somber nod. He gets it: intentions are great, but without the potential of action, they mean little in practicality. It's a frustrating position to be in.]

[He considers Kazuya's question with a thoughtful nod.]

It is, yes.

...Perhaps I should say "we" are. Phoenix and I are two parts of one whole.

[That may not be the point, but Joshua felt it necessary to bring up. His situation isn't exactly like Kazuya's, but perhaps revealing their similarities--parallel as they are--may be of service.]

[Two parts of a whole. How strange, Joshua accepts himself within the creature he harbours, but Kazuya doesn't want to accept his new nature so readily either. Joking about it is fine, making comments about it is fine, but he hopes that he'll never be able to truly think of himself as a demon before a human.]

Have you ever considered immortality? What it would mean to truly be immortal?

[That thought above all else frightens him. He's seen what it's done to Naoya now, but at least Naoya had the brief respite of death, didn't he? From his understanding, there's no such thing awaiting him.

There's nothing like that for him. He'll forever be 18 now, forever look as he does, and eventually, everyone else will age and die without him, and he'll be alone.]

[A very good question. A very deep question. One that deserves a well thought out response.]

[The immediate answer that comes to Joshua's mind is "no". The longer version of the answer that builds upon that is based on one solemn fact: Joshua Rosfield never thought about living forever, because ever since he was a little boy, he prepared himself for the very real possibility of dying young. Not through political chicanery or military might, but through the betrayal of his own body. If it weren't for the Phoenix, he's certain he wouldn't have made it past his nameday, if he ever saw it at all.]

[But that isn't what Kazuya is asking about or alluding to.]

No, I cannot say I have. Not with the rigor that such an exercise requires.

...Is that what awaits you? Immortality?

I'm pretty certain of it.

[There's no reason for him not to, after all. Even after having been essentially killed, Bel Marduk and even Abel had eventually rejoined as all of the pieces of themselves in time, and those pieces were now harboured within him. So it's hard to say what his future holds. He'd left it in such a precipitous and precarious state, at least to his knowledge.

There are few back home who won't view him as a villain. Who wont view him as some Great Evil that needs to be vanquished, because that's just how it is, and even how he himself would have seen it not too long ago.

The bulk of the world will stand against him, and they will fail. And that in turn will just stoke the flames of hate and distrust further, won't it? How many attempted uprisings will there be in five years? Ten years? A hundred or a thousand? It's unfathomable, those longer lengths of time.

And yet that's what his future holds.]

If you even had a thousand years, what do you think you could accomplish in that amount of time if the whole world hated you?

[What could he accomplish?]

[It's a rhetorical question, obviously. One that won't benefit from Joshua's mental gymnastics as he considers the many layers of subterfuge he'd need to employ to reach any level of success or the undeniable mental and emotional toll such an unfathomable amount of time and opposition would take on him.]

[No, Kazuya is barely an adult, and not one who's been trained in the art of governance, let alone over as fantastical a domain as demons and spirits, at that. What a terrible choice to make and what unfair consequences he must prevail against.]

[Joshua is very careful about what emotions he allows to drive him--although he has plenty of his own disastrous slip-ups, nonetheless--and this time is no different. He reaches over with an awkward hand and tentatively rests it on Kazuya's shoulder furthest from him in what he hopes comes across as a brotherly one-armed hug in solidarity.]

I don't know.

But whatever it was, even if only a single goal, I would be sure it mattered more than anything in the world.

[ That's not really the answer he wants to hear. Maybe his question is too broad, or two unknowable? It's certainly hard to think about a year in the future, let alone a length of time that would far exceed that of a normal human life. ]

And then what? You've accomplished your goal. What comes next?

[ There's a point he's trying to make here. What comes after? Once everything you've wanted to do has been done? ]

I have three choices back home, and even I don't know what it is that I would choose. I could rule the entire world. Everyone would hate me more, but they would eventually be united under a single cause. Maybe it'd even be go well enough and world peace would result. Or, I could leave things as they are, knowing everyone would hate me regardless.

And the third... I could spend the rest of eternity in the demon realm, and leave the human world behind forever. No one would have to worry about the Overlord and Tyrant, and people would live without fear.

[ Without him.

.... It doesn't sound so bad, if not for the handful of people he loves the most. ]

Edited (two typos for a phone tag at 2am not bad) 2024-06-13 18:39 (UTC)

[He gets it. Not the exact gravity of what awaits Kazuya, but only because until one faces a dismal reality of that magnitude firsthand, it is nigh impossible to fully internalize that level of despair. As much existential dread as Joshua has seen and experienced himself, he can't count the terror of 'forever' outside of an afterlife among it.]

[As such, none of those choices sound ideal. Kazuya effectively has to pick between three different poisons.]

[Joshua sighs.]

It depends on how much you trust yourself with power––and how aware you are that absolute power will corrupt absolutely.

Humans are notoriously difficult to govern. We are a fickle sort, prone to rebellion. You can keep a populace well-fed, well-clothed, and well-homed, but it will always be at a cost––one that not all are willing to pay.

If you are looking at an eternity, then it is inevitable that you will have to resort to violence to quell those who would rise against you. Most disputes can be solved with words and judiciary action, but, unfortunate as it is, diplomacy does not always work.

[Another sigh, and a furrow of his brow.]

Apologies.

That was a long-winded way to suggest that ruling the world may work, but only if you are willing and prepared to take unsavory actions. Otherwise, leaving the human world behind may prove the most peaceful option.

But I assume there are people you care about leaving, as well.

[He knows this. That what Joshua is saying is true. That if it comes down to ruling humans, that "Unsavoury" (Murder, he's sure is the word that Joshua isn't saying) things will be necessary. He has armies, legions of demons at his disposal that would be all too keen and delighted to quash any sort of rebellion.

Kazuya, the Kazuya right now, does not want blood on his hands. And oddly enough, that's not quite even because he thinks it's wrong. It's more... He doesn't want to disappoint the people he cares about.

His fingers tap the fabric of the couch, briefly glancing away.]

You don't have anything to apologize for.

[Oddly enough, it was helpful, even if there's still insecurity that burns in his chest.]

You're right. And if one of them got hurt... I know I'd burn the entire world to get my revenge. Which is another Catch-22 situation. What if I put the people I care about in danger just because I'm there? I'm immortal, but they aren't. But then what if I leave and it makes them vulnerable to that very same thing regardless?

[That's not even remotely in question. If someone were to harm Atsuro, or Yuzu... Well, it wouldn't be good for anyone.]

Is it truly that harsh a dichotomy? Is there no way for you to protect your companions until you and they are ready for your departure?

[He's a natural negotiator. Always has been. Joshua was put into training for his future role as Archduke since the moment he could talk, and what a gift that proved to be.]

[Reservations about that training aside, Joshua is glad it's coming in handy so that he can help someone so dear to him.]

To clarify, I understand that your presence may lead to their targeting, but from what I know, that seems to be a moot point, regardless.

I can protect them if I'm there. I could have demons guard them at every moment. But they won't have any normalcy in their life if I do that. People will be afraid of them too, just like they're afraid of me. And then if I'm not there to protect them...

[If he leaves, then he leaves them vulnerable. His presence, and even lack of, makes it unsafe for the people he cares about to just exist and have a normal life. ]

And you're right. All of the worlds armies standing as one couldn't stop me if I wanted to do something. But that's the point. That's what makes them afraid, even if I haven't hurt anyone. Even if I don't want to hurt anyone. People lash out at things they fear, at any perceived weakness. And... My human heart is the greatest one I have.

[And he was told that. And even the angels had preyed on that weakness. Had sent humans to kill him. Promised those people salvation if they could.

It's not a stretch to believe that humans in turn, would try to use humans against him, then. Specifically, to get at the humans he cares so much about.]

Either way, the decision you stand to make involves a nigh fatal caveat.

[Not entirely unacceptable, but close enough, and as many suggestions as Joshua may have as a solution, they'll all fall short. Whether due to lack of information and complete context or because there is simply no entirely correct answer. The latter is true far more often than he likes, than any leader likes, really, but that also makes one specific solution more viable.]

Have they expressed to you their own desires on the matter?

They were waiting for me to come back.

[ Yuzu, perhaps, most of all. Not that Atsuro wouldn't want him gone for too long either, but waiting is just what they have to do. And as for that sort of situation... ]

They wouldn't want me to leave them, no matter what. They were both willing to follow me into the Demon Realm, despite the fact no humans can survive there. But that doesn't mean that staying with them is necessarily the right choice, either.

[ No, it's still a difficult situation regardless of what they want. Regardless of what he wants. ]

I know Yuzu wouldn't want me to do anything by force. Atsuro would stay by my side, no matter what choice I made. And Naoya... I don't think he'd care either way, though he'd list the pros and cons to each pretty succinctly.

If they are the ones who will be in the most danger, then 'tis only right they are the ones to choose.

[Free will and all that, but Joshua also understands that giving that kind of power to someone who may not have the entire perspective of a volatile situation is, in itself, terrifying. That doesn't deter his philosophy, however. They deserve the freedom to truly make that decision for themselves.]

Speak with them. Give them not only the facts as Naoya would lay them out, but your feelings on the matter, as well. Then, allow them the time to deliberate and come to their conclusions.

I understand the latter may be a luxury, but do whatever must needs be done to grant them that. It is the least they deserve.

They both know me as well as I know them. I already know what choice they would make. They'd want me with them, regardless of what danger it put them in.

[ He can hear them say as much so clearly in his head. Yuzu had already left him once, and he knows that guilt eats at her. And Atsuro, who thought maybe he had made the wrong choice, had stuck by him no matter what, even in the most tumultuous hours before his true awakening as Overlord.

If it hadn't been for Atsuro, he wonders if maybe he really might have thought proving his might through violent means the best way to save people. The needs of the many, and all that. It's hard to say.

Kazuya gives a small, humourless chuckle. ]

They'd never let me leave them.

Some day we'll put it together and we'll get it all done

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