002 ☁ closed | between the comfort and chaos

[spikyheaded]

Who: Cloud and Zack
Which: Closed log
Where: Their apartment in Reverein
What: A conversation turns into an argument. Backdated to the 4th, the night after the "nature walk"
Warnings: Some FF7 spoilers but no Rebirth spoilers.

[It had been a little while since Cloud had been on a hike himself. Sure, he'd done a couple of treks into the Wildlands, mostly for work, but nothing like what they'd decided for today. In fact, it reminded him a little of his trips up and around Mt. Nibel back home.

While he was able to keep a decent pace, he could feel the dull ache begin creeping into his arms and legs after carrying Aerith partway. He knew she could manage around the slums, especially as they traversed the rooftops of Sector 5, but this particular expedition might've been too large a learning curve for her.

So just before bed, Cloud peeks into Zack's room, just to set the record straight.]

Next time you say nature walk, we better stick to that plan. Especially if Aerith's tagging along.

Comments

[theheroics]

[ Zack could feel the uneasy raise of heat in his blood as he clenched his fists harder, attempting to push down any sudden or negative feeling that threatened to wash over him. He couldn't loose his cool or go too far into a defensive mode, not with the possibility of actually scaring Cloud away. Yet with that simple apology, he knew Cloud had taken his words to heart.

His own shoulders relaxed as hands fell limp to either side. As then, quietly, a sudden half chuckle brushed across his lips. ]

Heh. Knowing her? Probably figured it out faster than I did.

[ She was beyond witty, and smarter than any person he's ever known. ]

But I'm not planning on keep it a secret from her. I just— [ Damn. Feelings were just so complicated. ] —time changes people, I guess.

[ He still cared for Aerith, deeply, and those romantic feelings never went away even after all of these years. Their kiss had proven that even more. She was the main reason he wanted to make it back to Midgar in the first place. Why he fought so hard and pushed his body to the limits all for a chance to be free. Yet, thinking back on it, he had the desire to see that Cloud was protected and safe, too. Maybe something had sparked back then, but the more and more their friendship grew, the more Zack was beginning to understand where the butterflies came from.

Yet therein lies the problem. Was it truly possible to have these feelings for two people at the same time? That was likely the question that was eating Cloud alive, too. ]

[spikyheaded]

[The tips of Cloud's ears turn a light pink as he looks away. Somehow, knowing that Aerith might've figured out Zack's feelings before either of them made things all the more embarrassing.

But did her knowing actually make the situation any easier?]

Look, Zack, I— [Still he couldn't find the words, no matter how hard he searched for them. Sure, his heart might've skipped a beat when Zack poured out his feelings to him. But did he think of Zack the same way too? Hadn't that been simply because of the shock?

Time. Time is something he needs right now. He might have to stall, at least until he takes things into consideration.]

Maybe it's good if you figure things out with her first. Especially when...

[He catches himself, wondering if he was overstepping. Cloud had never been one to stick his nose in other people's business. But he couldn't help but wonder, a nagging thought tugging at his subconscious. Zack had said he hadn't seen Aerith for a while before her arrival, didn't he? Then where had he been the whole time? But he decides to remind him that this wasn't any of his business.]

Forget it.

[He shifts his weight where he stands. His arms cross over his chest once again, hands gripping tightly on his biceps. It's almost as if he's creating some sort of barrier to protect himself.]

[theheroics]

[ Zack was never one to live with regrets. He took every opportunity presented to him and sometimes (or most of the time) rushed in without thinking. He never wanted to live a life where he could say "I didn't try that" and so making bold moves like this came with the territory. However, as he'd come to realize, that emotions and actions were two very different things. He could easily run towards a bullet than he could this conversation. But what's done was done, and Zack wasn't going to regret this decision to confess... not when it was practically eating him from the inside out.

Yet now that the initial feelings had flown out of him and the dust around him was settling... was this really the right choice? He'll study Cloud's movements and reactions for a little longer, but eventually the smile he had tried so desperately to maintain had slowly slipped away. ]

Hey. Don't close up on me, now. [ Zack interjects when the blond fails to continue. He'll step back a few inches to give the man his space that it looked like he so desperately needed before continuing. ]

I've spilt my guts out, so if there's something you wanna say... then say it. [ He could take it. Probably. ]

[spikyheaded]

[Between the confession and the questions that began popping up in his head, Cloud found it hard to keep his attention on Zack. His eyes flit to the other man, barely raising his head as his shoulders tensed.]

Where were you?

[He knew that SOLDIER assignments kept people from going home or keeping in contact at times. But five years was a long time, even for the most sensitive of assignments. Staying no contact for that long was something expected from the Turks, not so much SOLDIER.

And so Cloud finds it hard to believe that Zack would've just up and left someone he cared about. Their last year of friendship has proven that wasn't something Zack was capable of. So, surely he had a good reason for it.]

You told me you hadn't seen her in five years. What happened then anyway?

[Maybe he was overstepping. Maybe it was curiosity. Maybe this was his way of protecting Aerith, wanting to know that Zack would do good by her before anything else. Maybe it was his way of avoiding dealing with this situation he's found himself in.

Maybe it was all of the above.]

[theheroics]

[ .......

"Where were you?"

The words struck Zack like a shivering lightening bolt. Planting his feet hard on the ground and the chills down his spine presenting itself as bumps along his forearms.

He had learned that any piece of information pertaining to the past had only caused Cloud grief in the form of headaches or more. The past wasn't something he wanted to revisit. He didn't want to talk about this with Cloud. He couldn't—

And so the ex-SOLDIER grew deathly silent. He dropped his gaze, finding anywhere but the other to be more interesting. His hands fidgeted, his body tensed, and as his head ducked down Zack simply resigns to shaking it back and forth. ]

That's— [ He begins, finding the words aren't coming as easy as before. His throat feels so dry all of a sudden.

He did have an explanation, and a good one at that. but now he was caught between telling his truth, or hurting Cloud in the process.

...

He wasn't going to hurt Cloud. Not ever again. ]

—That's none of your business. [ He didn't mean for it to come out as harsh, but if he needed to play the villain here.... then so be it. ]

[spikyheaded]

[The tone in Zack's voice takes Cloud by surprise. He tries to recall a time that Zack had ever been that sharp in the year they'd known each other and nothing comes to mind. Where was this coming from?

And what was Zack doing during that time that he didn't want to talk about? It wasn't as if he had to keep Shinra's secrets anymore if it involved them. Neither of them was beholden to the company anymore.]

You're the one who asked me to spill, and now you're clamming up?

[His grip on his arms tightens, his body tensing even more. All he could do now was match Zack's energy, his tone nearly identical to his—pointed, cold, and harsh.]

[theheroics]

[ There were still clearly pieces of the past that were missing from Cloud's memory, and given that every time Zack would bring it back up the headaches would follow... it wasn't a good combination.

He hated avoided the subject. But wasn't Cloud already uncomfortable enough as it was? The last thing he needed was actual pain involved in all of this.

So yes. Zack keeps his lips sealed with a visible bite of his lower lip. ]

I don't wanna [ can't ] talk about it right now!

[ The energies seem to be lining up in the room. It grew more tense, dark, and the distance Zack grew from Cloud only increased when he takes a solid step backwards.

He huffs, almost as if he was exasperated with Cloud... when really it was with himself. ] Just leave it alone, alright!?

[spikyheaded]

[To say that you could cut the tension in the room with a knife would be an understatement. The air felt thick, making the distance between them even more pronounced.

With his brows furrowing together, Cloud glared daggers at the other ex-SOLDIER. Wondering what he was keeping hidden, what made it feel like he couldn't be trusted.

It was odd, having the tables turned like this. Usually, it was him who was tight-lipped about things. About gaps in his past that he couldn't fill or things he knew about that he couldn't explain. Zack, on the other hand, had always been an open book.

The only reason he pushed was because he wondered what this confession meant for the both of them. Three of them really, considering Aerith. Even if it was Zack, he didn't want her getting hurt. But he didn't seem like he getting it out of Zack. Not tonight.

Cloud doesn't bother to mask an audible sigh as he tears his gaze away from Zack.]

Fine.

[And with that single word, Cloud turns on his heel, arms falling to his side as he makes his way towards the door.]

[theheroics]

[ Zack can hear the movement of Cloud's footsteps as he turns to walk away and wants nothing more than to desperately stop him from doing so.

But he just made a mess of everything, didn't he? There was no way to recover from this night without telling Cloud the truth, and that wasn't something he was willing to share right now. He didn't want Cloud to know the truth, not yet, and certainly not like this.

So it takes every ounce of strength that Zack has not to move. To keep his fists closed and his head down even as he felt the shooting glares from the blonde. The only way he can prevent himself from looking is to turn away completely, as he finally wills himself to do, back cold and distant. ]

Fine. [ He repeats. The words like venom on the tip of his tongue.

He felt sick to his stomach, and the single word leaving his mouth made him want to vomit. The entire conversation had turned out to be a disaster, and it was all his fault. ]

Dammit—! [ The curse whispered under his breath as Zack moves towards the outside door for some air.

He's sorry Cloud... he's so sorry. He'll apologize and try to make it up to him soon, but right now... ]

[spikyheaded]

[Once Cloud finds himself in the privacy of his room, he leans his forehead against the door. He replayed the conversation he'd just had in his head if you could even call it a conversation. Regardless, all the questions that raced through his mind could be encompassed into a single question: Just what was all that?

Did Zack really just confess his feelings to him? How did Aerith fit into all this? If she did know as Zack surmised, what did she think about everything?

And, finally, what was it that Zack was hiding from him? From all of them?

This was all too much to deal with after a day like today. For now, he should head to sleep. Or at least attempt it. Gaia knows it'll be a while before slumber takes him tonight.

Lying down, he curls to his side, willing the ache and tiredness from the hike and everything else that had transpired to take him for the night. Little did he know how likely that wish would be granted.

Come morning Cloud doesn't leave his room. Nor does he make himself known for the rest of the day. At some point, Fira scratches at his door, letting out a long and sad whine, somehow knowing that the blond was no longer inside and no longer the land of dreams.]