I think that it's best if we both stay

[ragingscoopaholic]

Who: Bunta Marui & Leia Rolando
Which: Log; closed
Where: Woods near residential.
What: December events: gumdrop, arguments, and competitive snowball fights.
Warnings: None, but will update if necessary!


[At some point she slipped into this quiet acceptance of their situation. What was supposed to be a few days of Marui crashing at her place until he found a house has somehow ended up with them now living together for an entire month. And she doesn't feel particularly inclined to upend the status quo. Though that doesn't make the situation any easier on her emotions. She is, sadly, used to pining for someone and keeping her true feelings to herself. It's a complicated situation, one that might cost her a great deal were she to ever find the courage to confess, and those thoughts are enough to keep her mouth shut.

If she had an inkling he felt anyway special towards her, she's somehow dismissed it with some excuse, or assumed she's reading too much into it. Marui is... sweet. And he's always surprising her with little gifts and sweets, only some of which she's asked for and most of which she's only briefly mentioned and he somehow took it upon himself to get for her. But she also does the same for him, as well as using other means to gauge his interest. Like wearing cute PJs around the house, with one in particular being a little revealing. But all that she's gotten from him were a few cracks and cheeky comments which have only proven her suspicions. That his actions could be reactions to both her gestures and him staying with her- like tokens of appreciation.

Admittedly, it's hard to decipher his actions when her own mind is a fierce storm of emotions. Were she to confess to him, she will be forfeiting any feelings she could potentially have for Jude. Which is something that still worries her, as if accepting that Jude's role in her life is more familial and platonic somehow diminishes his importance to her. She just never expected to fall for anyone else. More troubling is whether or not Marui would accept the complicated role that Jude plays in her life, if not then she would lose Marui entirely, and she's left with one-sided feelings that she'd have to eventually bury and move on from.

She jokes that she's trained herself long and hard in the art of unrequited love to be able to handle this, but the thought saddens her a little. Still, it's not enough to keep her down. If anything she's appeared entirely like her normal self around everyone. Marui's a fun roommate, even if he's occasionally obnoxious, and she enjoys his company. And that's all she can really ask for. More than anything, she doesn't want to lose that by forcing something that may not even be there.

Obvious complications aside, everything else is just fine.

All of it seems habitual now, no matter how they spend their day and what isn't said, they continue their now very domesticated lifestyle. The house is still somewhat bare, and with all the new shops opening up, and the seasonal chill in the air, it felt like an opportune time to go looking for some crystal powered appliances, clothes, and whatever else they could find for the house while enjoying the wintry scene outside. It's also the type of weather one could curl up together with someone. Even as they walk along the streets of the market she has fought the urge more than once to reach for his hand. Thankfully he's none the wiser else she'd probably never hear the end of his teasing.

It doesn't take long to pick up any last minute items they might have missed, cute decorations and the like, before they soon start heading back home with their modest haul. Between what they have now and dreamotion, there's almost a sense of convenience and normalcy returning to her life and for the first time since she arrived she's starting to actually feel a sense of belonging. Like this is a second home.

Is it okay to feel this way?

Suddenly she feels some icy water slip into her boot and she stops, wincing at the discomfort the sharp chill brings, and halting the bit of small talk they had going.]

Hold up a sec, I have to fix my shoe.

[Setting everything down, she kneels and notices her shoelace is completely untied, so she takes a moment to tie it and make sure it's secure, not really paying too much attention to her surroundings. When she's finished, she straightens up and looks around... noticing a certain someone is gone.]

Hm? Marui?

Comments

[ragingscoopaholic]

Thanks...

[She takes the hot mug and holds it in her hands, letting them warm up first, while staring down at the drink as if it might reveal some answer that'll make this easier. No such luck, though. So after a minute she just starts talking, hoping the words will come to her because thinking about how to start is getting her nowhere.]

Y'know, I went over this in my head at least a thousand times and I still really don't... know where to start. When I said I needed to tell you something, it's actually been on my mind since last month. [surely he can connect the dots with all the mixed signals now.] I couldn't tell you sooner because I was never sure how you felt. And there was no point in telling you at all if you didn't actually like me in that way.

[Sparing him a glance, she looks at him apologetically before resigning to what she's about to admit. She's only ever admitted it to Rowen. Alvin had it figured out without a word from her. But even Elize and Elle seem to have picked up on how she felt about Jude. But actively admitting and talking about it to someone that might not have caught the hints (the problem likely being there have been none to catch) is making this harder than it should be.]

It's... about Jude. So I just need you to listen and let me explain before you say anything, okay?

[volleygenius]

[ Leia can hopefully appreciate what it sure sounds like she's about to say with the pieces she's laid out so far. Marui can think of exactly two reasons that Jude would be relevant to a conversation about Leia having a relationship with another person: either Jude exerts (or thinks he's entitled to exert) some authority over Leia in that aspect of her life, or Jude's and Leia's relationship has some romantic component to it that isn't going anywhere and Marui are you prepared to take that on as part of the package?

But he heeds her request and doesn't voice any preemptive speculations. ]

...Okay. What about him?

[ragingscoopaholic]

[It could've had a better segue than it sounding the way it did, sure. But at this point she's trying to gather her thoughts and nothing really sounds right to her. Words are refusing to gather in her thoughts, so she just lets them come out however they are. Things can't be perfect.

Now this? This is the hard part. It's also the part where the knots in her stomach tighten, and she can feel the anxiety kick in- her racing heart, the lightheadedness, the ever growing lump in her throat. Funny, for someone with so much confidence in herself and her words, that she falters now. But that's the fear of loss taking over. The possibility that Marui isn't going to like what she has to say, or how she says it. And what guy would? But if no guy would want her with this stipulation, then perhaps that's... just how it has to be. She'd focus on her career and simply be amazing at it.

She breaks eye contact with Marui for a moment, looking back down at her drink, feeling the swell of emotions hit her. Admitting this is tough. Saying it out loud is tough. And she feels a pang of regret and a sting in her eyes, but she's come this far. Taking a deep breath, she looks up at Marui and starts.]

Remember when I told you that I had to undergo serious physical therapy as a kid to be able to walk again? It was Jude that helped me through it. And that was... That was when I started developing feelings for him. So I... used to like him, you see. It never worked out though, he fell for someone else a few years ago and I sorta made peace with the fact that the most I could ever do is to be there for him, and make sure he's happy. Jude... really means a lot to me, and he's done so much for me that being there for him is the least I can do. If he's ever in trouble, or needs help, I would drop everything to do whatever I can for him. That's what I need you to understand. That just because my feelings for him have shifted, it doesn't make him any less important to me. I guess... you could say that he's become more like family to me.

[It's an assessment of their relationship that's been a long time coming. Jude only ever saw her as such, and it's only recently that she's started to accept it. Like around when Milla came into their lives.

Her hands tightly grasp the mug, urging herself to finish. She swallows, or tries her best to with that pesky lump in her throat.]

... I, I know a lot of guys might have a problem with that, because he's my former crush. But I wanted to be completely honest with you so that you trust me. And... if you're not okay with this, and would rather be friends, then I understand.

[Understand, but be thoroughly heartbroken. Which she leaves unsaid.]

[volleygenius]

[ It turns out it's the latter possibility that's closer to the mark. But it sure is confusing why there's a confession to be made here if the crush is truly done with. Is there something he's missing here? She's made such a big deal of this and now that he's heard it, he's not sure what that big deal was. It's a little disorienting.

He meets her eyes with a perplexed and somewhat amused grin. ]

Isn't that just normal, to care about more people than your partner? You don't still like him that way, right.

[ He's pretty sure she heard him say she didn't, but honestly, how else could this be a problem? ]

[ragingscoopaholic]

[Now she's confused by the look on his face.]

No. But I know some people think that hanging around your former crush might rekindle feelings or whatever, so they try to prevent it.

[volleygenius]

If you end up with rekindled feelings for your former crush, that'll say more about your happiness with me than about your bond with him.

[ He sets his mug down and turns towards her on the couch with a relaxed grin. ]

And I know for a fact you're not gonna have any problem being happy with me. That's nothing to worry about.

[ragingscoopaholic]

[And she though the relief she felt earlier when he confessed was staggering- but it's nothing compared to how she feels now. All this time spent worrying, and it turns out that it was never an issue.

She tries to feign being unimpressed with his bragging, but it's hard to keep from cracking a small smile. She won't say it, but she likes how he confidently makes this particular declaration.]

That's a pretty bold claim to make. I'm impressed. How is it that you manage to be both obnoxious and sweet?

[volleygenius]

Raw talent. [ He answers breezily without a drop of abashment. ]

Now, is there anything else standing in the way of a promotion from personal handkerchief?

[ragingscoopaholic]

[Of course, he has no shame whatsoever. She smiles softly, her cheeks growing warm because she knows what that means.]

I guess there isn't.

[But for all the times she's imagined scenarios like this, like what she'd do if Jude had confessed to her, she isn't quite sure what to do. Physically. Presently, she's still holding onto her mug, and in a way she's thankful that gives her hands something to do because, well, what do they do now?

Actually, thinking about it like this just makes it feel weird.]

[volleygenius]

[ Hm, she's gone pretty quiet. Well, he can take it from here. It's easier when you know the answer in advance. He reaches out and fingers one of her hands loose from the mug so he can hook his fingers around hers. Not quite a handhold, but contact. And even though he knows the answer, his voice softens to convey the warmth and sincerity behind his words. ]

Then, Leia. Will you be my girlfriend?

[ragingscoopaholic]

[Her hand loosens so she can thread her fingers between his, deepening the contact. His hand is calloused and warm, and it feels nice against hers.

It's almost hard to believe that this is official now.]

Of course, Marui! Thought you'd never ask. Literally.

[She smiles, teasing.]

[volleygenius]

[ Having their relationship status confirmed, and sharing in the contact of their joined fingers, it's an odd complement to the sound of her address to him. It's been time for a while, but his name doesn't come up aloud that often.

Keeping a loose hold on her hand, he shifts again and leans over so he can cup her cheek with his free hand. ]

Hey... about that name. We're close, right? Best friends. Try calling me Bunta.

[ragingscoopaholic]

[Her beating heart picks up speed when he leans in close and cups her cheek. She doesn't flinch or pull away, instead she sits mesmerized, the closeness alone giving her a heady rush. This is normal for couples, but that still hasn't sunk in yet, not until this moment when he touches her.

She almost doesn't hear what he says, and it takes her a moment. Then, when she's properly made out the words coming out of his mouth, well, she's still confused.]

Uh... w-why?

[volleygenius]

[ Her heart isn't the only one beating a little faster. It's not the first time he's touched her face, but it is the first time that it could precede something even more intimate.

At least, it could before her question makes him break down into a quiet laugh. There's no meanness to it, and he understands she can't be expected to know, but it's still funny.

He looks up with a warm, playful grin after. ]

Because it's my name! Marui is my family name.

[ragingscoopaholic]

Family name? You mean... like your last name?

[Even with how close he is to her, she finds this new information a little difficult to process, and she does appear to be genuinely confused.]

[volleygenius]

Well, it comes first for me. And it's the name I'm most called back home. Only my family and closest friends call me Bunta.

[ And a few others, but he wants to keep this simple. ]

[ragingscoopaholic]

Is this something they commonly do in Japan?

[volleygenius]

Almost everyone goes by surname. It's less common for that to change, but when someone gives you permission, it's okay.

[ragingscoopaholic]

So if I introduce you to someone, or mention you to a friend, should I use 'Marui'?

[volleygenius]

'Marui' will cause less confusion for others. But if it's easier for you to have one name and stick to it, I understand.

[ragingscoopaholic]

Gotta be honest here, but I'm probably gonna mess up a whole bunch and keep calling you Marui.

[It's a nice feeling that she's special enough to call him by his first name... or last name? However that order works. But she's so used to 'Marui' that transitioning to 'Bunta' is going to take some getting used to.]

[volleygenius]

Well, it's fine if you do. They're both my name. Bunta is more intimate.

[ He pulls his hand back from her cheek and picks his mug back up for another drink. As he finishes it, he peers at her from over the rim. ]

Why not give it a try...?

[ragingscoopaholic]

[More intimate, he says. New name aside, none of this feels real. She has a boyfriend, and it's still only just now starting to sink in.

Then she looks down at her hands, where Marui is indicating.]

Oh! I almost forgot I was holding it.

[Totally not distracted with Marui touching her cheek at all. Nope. She lowers her gaze to her drink and brings the rim of the mug to her lips, taking a deep sip. It's cooled a bit, so it's not scalding hot. In fact, it's just the right temperature.]

It's delicious! Hot drinks really are a great way to warm up.

[volleygenius]

[ There's a brief moment where Marui stops, clearly caught off-guard by her reaction, before he realizes what's happened and why. He lowers his mug as he dissolves into a delighted chuckle because honestly, that was too cute. ]

They sure are. Glad you like it.

[ragingscoopaholic]

Huh? What's so funny? Is there something on my face?