songerein | closed ⚡🌠 you make my heart feel like it's summer

Entry tags:

closed ⚡🌠 you make my heart feel like it's summer

Who: Eustace & Tifa Lockhart.
Which: Closed log.
Where: Somewhere in the Wildlands.
What: Eustace and Tifa take some much-needed time away.
Warnings: The usual EusTifa warnings. They're gross. :)

[Hardly a week has gone by since their last stint in a dreamscape before they are finally seeing their plans to fruition. They'd briefly talked about it in the room the wolves had provided for them, and then again when they woke up from their dreams, and Tifa wasted no time in preparing for the few days that they promised to spend away from town. After everything that they had seen and been through—not just on the moon but everything that came before—they agreed that time for themselves would be good for both of them. Time away from the noise and chaos of the town, from the dogs, from responsibilities, from potential threats... Time to just exist together, to be, and breathe for a little while.

She spent the days leading up to their trip shopping and packing and making sure that she's found friends who could check in on both the corgis and flower dogs in their absence. It would only be two nights out in the Wildlands, but she wanted to be certain that they have everything they would need and covered all their bases for those few days. She's packed an assortment of meats, frozen for the trip, containers of fruits and vegetables, water, and some alcohol for the evenings—wine and a fine whiskey, perhaps a few others—anything that she thinks they might enjoy over a campfire. Of course, she can't forget the campfire snacks, either. She's never been out camping properly before, but she knows those are a must.

Meanwhile, Tifa left Eustace to worry about their gear. A tent most of all, but anything that they might equip it with as well. Blankets, sleeping bags, pillows, the works. Anything to make a fire that he thinks they'll need, tarps in the event that there's rain. She never quite knows what is and isn't necessary for a camping trip, especially in these parts, but it's best to be ready for any kind of weather with how finicky it can be sometimes, and she trusts that he'll know exactly what they'll need.

Thankfully, they've packed light and in such a way that it wouldn't be difficult to carry between the two of them, but of course, Eustace never goes unprepared, and when he goes all in on something, he tends to go above and beyond Tifa's expectations. When she wandered out of the house, she was surprised to find two horses waiting for them—one she recognized as the white mare from the night they rode to the flowery fields outside of Reverein, the blue flowers that were once smaller now grown and blooming large as they thread into her mane. The other, a large, magnificent black stallion with interesting markings over his body that she feels is almost too perfectly suited for Eustace. They beat their hooves gently on the ground in greeting, and Tifa reacquaints herself with the mare before they finally ride off on their backs towards the Wildlands.

They don't go far, sticking mostly to the northern forests closer to town, but it's far enough that they can no longer hear or even see Reverein through the thickness of the trees, and with the horses, the trek itself isn't very long. The lake isn't far either from where Eustace ends up leading her to, and she can hear the sound of water nearby—perhaps the river coming from the city? Although Eustace did mention knowing of some waterfalls, and the thought sends a warm thrill through her...

It's when they reach a light clearing surrounded by trees that she allows herself to stop, tugging on the mare's reins with a gasp so that she might take in the full sight of it. There are flowers everywhere, and the afternoon sun peers through the canopies of trees overhead to bask it in an almost magical glow. Through the bushes, there's a winding path that, judging from the trickling sounds, leads down a small hill to some manner of body of water.

It like it's straight out of a fairy tale picture book.]

... Is this it?

[It must be... It's the most stunning place she's ever seen, and she's a touch overwhelmed to come up with much more than that.]

It's beautiful.

[How did he even find this place? ... She's been asking that a lot with him, hasn't she? The field of flowers, the barn, and now this. He never ceases to surprise and amaze her and this time is no exception.

Consider Tifa completely blown away once again.]

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[To hear that she helped bomb the reactors... It's certainly beyond the scope he could have imagined. And yet, while some would feel a bit uneasy, he doesn't. He's already looking at it from her point of view and of the group she joined. He can't really make a full judgment call since he doesn't know everything, and he does initially think their methods sound more extreme than necessary.

But—]

It was in part for revenge.

[Revenge for what happened to her own home town.

His voice is quiet, contemplative...understanding.

If he were in her place, he would certainly had done something similar. He only joined the Society group in part because Ronan took him in, but it was mostly to find the Foe and take vengeance, to make sure no one else suffered like he had. As he got older the motives grew to be more emphatic, but he was certainly not altruistic like others. Helping people and preserve peace was something he wanted...but it was more for himself. To find his own peace.]

[He finishes the thought for her, and she should be relieved that he at least understood where she was going with it, and she can sense his compassion underlying his quiet voice, but her body betrays her relief and stiffens, as if waiting for him to say more.

But then he doesn't, and there's that sense of dread that settles within her, and Tifa ducks her gaze away.]

... You're not...

[Tifa loses the words for a moment, her voice getting caught somewhere in her throat that when she speaks again, it's tiny with stressed with worry.]

You're not mad, are you...?

[He stares at her with slightly arched brows before there's a soft expression as he leans down to lightly brush his lips against her forehead.]

...Without knowing everything I can't say I would support or oppose the methods... But no, I'm not mad or think less of you. If anything, if I were in your place and the Foe had been a more tangible organization like Shinra, then I likely would have done the same, if not similar.

[She remembers the name. Foe... Tifa remembers him telling her about them as they sat together in that bath, and he explained to her what he had done before they'd met. What happened to his home, who he was, what his motivations were...

It had been then that Tifa had realized that they weren’t so unlike one another in a lot of ways, but the same night when she had become afraid of what he might think of her if he ever knew about her own past. The night she became very aware that she cared a lot about what he thought of her...

And now it's all come to a head here, in this moment, and when he presses his lips to her forehead, she's overcome with the urge to fall against his chest and cry the tears of relief that have suddenly sprung in her eyes. She doesn't. Not yet, anyway.]

I was so afraid of telling you... You were the kind of person Shinra would have sent to deal with us... I thought about that. [Her fingers curl tighter around his hand, refusing to let him go.] If you and I had met back in Midgar, we might have been enemies...

[And she couldn't stand the thought every time it crossed her mind.]

[His eyes tremble for a moment at hearing how afraid she had been of him, and while he had realized it, it's only now he can really see how much it's weighed on her. Somehow he feels as if he hadn't made himself trustworthy enough, even if he also knows that what she's feeling is understandable and natural. Though somehow it also bothers him that she would think he would side with a corporation like that, let alone work with them. Of course, he doesn't know everything and who knows, maybe circumstances could have led to it. But even so...

With a displeased frown he looks down at her before he tips her chin up and kisses her fiercely on her lips. It's rough, his teeth biting her lower lip before he speaks against them.]

...Useless thoughts.

[His blue eyes pierce through hers as he stares into them with unshaking confidence.]

Do you really think I would stick around a group like that?

[His teeth nip her lips again.]

...Doesn't matter. No one has a clean record and we all make decisions based on our circumstances, rightly or wrongly. I only care about what I see in front of me.

[Cassius comes to mind, of how he firmly regarded the moondweller as an enemy only to later change his mind as he watched the man change and develop with the group. Change it to the point they became allies, perhaps, dare he say it, friends. Eustace himself doesn't have a spotless record and he had his own concerns that Tifa might look at him differently if she knew the lengths and heartlessness he went through for some of his missions. It was why he was forthright about it early on, but...isn't that how she came to her insecurities about telling her own truths to begin with?

With his hand still holding her in place, Eustace pulls back just enough so he can fully gaze into her eyes, so that she can see his whole expression. Though there's still traces of his annoyance, it's also earnest, that gentle warmth never wavering as he softens a little.]

The woman I fell in love with has always been honest with her heart, and that's all that matters.

[She can only make a throaty, surprised noise when he leans in, any words she had prepared drowned out by the intensity of his kiss, dying on a gasp when he bites on her lip. It certainly was not the reaction she had been expecting, especially not after she spotted that grimace of his before he had guided her chin between his fingers, but as he pulls back, he'll see her already drowning in him, hot puffs of air skating over his lips as she tries to catch the breath that he'd taken from her.

Tifa can't seem to pull her eyes away, even as they begin to glisten with tears. They fall freely over her cheeks as each word of his pulls on those threads in her heart, and she feels herself breaking beneath his intense, meaningful stare that penetrates right through her soul like a bullet.]

Eustace...?

[She hasn't found her words yet that all she can manage is his name drifting out of her on a sigh when he bites down pointedly on her lip a second time.

It's all made harder by the fact that she's reminded of how dishonest she's been with her heart. It sits on that line between what is right and what isn't. She's never truly stood behind the things that Avalanche has done, and her reasons for joining were far from virtuous. Revenge is never a good colour on anyone. And Tifa had never wanted to lose touch with her humanity, so she could never quite step over that line without being wracked by her conscience. Her heart wavered every day, every mission, with every bomb that they set... with every person's life they ruined to make a point.

But change was never easy, was it? In order to make a difference, they would have to go big. That's what she always told herself anyway, but did she ever fully believe it?

Tifa remains still, unable to peel her gaze from his again, and so she stares up at him, her conflict clear in the pool of tears forming in her eyes. A small, pained sob escapes her, and her lips part to say something, and at first, nothing comes out, but she fights with herself to keep going.]

You really think so?

[Even through all the doubts that constantly cloud her mind, hearing him tell her this makes her believe that maybe someday, she could be a little more honest with herself.]

... I'm sorry for being so scared to tell you.

Yes.

[He kisses her softly this time, more reassuring.]

You have your own problems and fears. No one is perfect, certainly not me... And we all have secrets and things we can't share easily with others.

[A small pause as he gingerly thumbs her eyes and tears, his expression faltering a little.]

I just...want you to feel that you can at least trust in me that one day when you're ready you can talk about it without fear of what I might think.

[It's already hard enough to have courage to open up to one's secrets, he knows that better than anyone. He knows it can be difficult to trust in others. But he wants her to at least feel safe and not so afraid, at least around him.]

[Her hand slips free from his so that she can hold it to his cheek when he closes in to kiss her again.]

I don't want there to be any secrets between us.

[Tifa never wanted there to be, but she could never work up the courage to tell him all of this. Not until he finally asked, and even now, she felt hesitant, but not anymore... She has no reason to fear what might come out of telling him because no matter how afraid she is, the fact that she trusts him unconditionally, without question, should be the most important reason to share her life, her past, everything about her with him.

Especially now that they have devoted their lives to one another. Now that she's promised herself to him...]

I just... I wanted you to know me for me... Not because of the things I did or who I was before we met... Avalanche, the bombings, Shinra...

[Coming to a new world was like a new start for her. The chance to build a life without the strings of Avalanche or Shinra attached to it, and she knows she could never run from it or forget it because all of it is what made her as resilient and strong as she is today, but...]

I know it's important now, though. Just like your life before all this is to me... It's who you are. Who I am.

[He continues to gently brush his fingers against her cheek, his gaze never faltering.]

I know...and I did. Even if you had told me all this before on the first day we met, my opinion wouldn't have changed. Considering all the people I've met and have joined Gran's crew, you'd just fit right in with everyone else. [A light, wry grin. Though Gran could be a bit more selective—there are certainly some...questionables on there.

But while Eustace is on the side of "good," he's by no means innocent or has rigid morals or expectations of people. And when he can relate so well to Tifa's own personal motivations, he really can't judge.

He gives her yet another kiss.]

I still want to know that "other" you...the you of your world. But you can tell me at your own pace. You know I'll always listen.

[She smiles faintly into the kiss.]

I want to tell you...

[Tifa wants him to know. She always has, that's never changed... And his acceptance of her lifts those weights she's been carrying on her shoulders and in her heart since the day she realized she was in love with this man. She wants him to know all of her too—her strengths, and her weaknesses, her highest and lowest points, because he's a part of her now, as much as she's part of him, and he had shown her everything. It was her turn to repay the favour...

Her free hand closes around her charm and tag, and she fiddles with it, running it along its chain as she tries to find where to continue... and there's only one place she can go... and that's forward, and she takes a breath.]

... Do you ever blame yourself for the bad things that happen? Things you know aren't your fault, but you can't help but feel like it is?

Yes.

[Just a straightforward answer.]

There have been times when something when awry despite best preparations, or I felt my absence was to blame. ...I've also questions my choices that at the time were correct, but may have led to unintended or unforeseen consequences even if it was the fault of the other individual.

[That time he had to fetch Beatrix or take her weapon being one of the more recent ones that stick with him.]

I take it this is related to what you were talking about before.

Mm.

[She finds it easier to talk about it when she can relate it easier to someone else, so her shoulders deflate and relax slightly when he gives his answer, but she isn't sure she expected anything different, especially with the line of work he was in...]

After all of those bombings, Shinra dropped the upper plate of the city onto the Sector Seven slums... It destroyed everything...

[Tifa tries to steady her voice again, and her hand squeezes his as she curls up a little tighter in his lap.]

The bar is gone, my home... and so many others... And they blamed it all on us. On Avalanche, but... I can't help but feel like we were the ones who did it. It was our fault that it happened...

[Barret had to remind Tifa that it was Shinra that pressed that button, but even now, Tifa still feels partly to blame.]

... Guess that's why I was so scared of telling you.

[Shouldering the blame for hundreds of lives ruined, wondering what he might think of her when he heard it...]

[Hearing such a thing does surprise him, as he would never have imagined she would have gone through such a tragic situation. It's no wonder she didn't mention anything—who would? And it's no wonder she feels partly to blame as it's not as if she's unrelated to it all.

But the only thing he does at first is hug her close, providing her that warmth and security she desperately seeks.]

It's natural to feel that way. You were there, and it was the result of a chain of events you were a part of. And I know you've likely heard this, but it wasn't your fault. They could have taken any other action but that was the choice they made. It wasn't something you could have predicted, could you?

[When he pulls her in, her head falls against his shoulder, and it's his necklace that she grabs now, her own falling back against her chest so that she can feel the smooth glass of the little blue star between her fingers, watching for a moment in silence as it pulses with light as silent tears streak over her cheeks.]

We knew it was coming, and we tried to make it in time... But we were still too late to stop it. I was right there, but I didn't know how...

[Her fingers were on that keyboard, and maybe, if she had a little more time, she could have done something. If those Whispers hadn't come for her and knocked her off her feet, then she could have found a way to prevent it... She would still have the bar, a home, a place to go back to when all of this was over...

She sighs and shakes her head, swiping a hand over her face.

How long is it going to take before she finally stops beating herself up over this? Still, having his unwavering support regardless of what happened before helps... If Eustace can accept her then she knows that maybe, one day, she can stop blaming herself for it all.]

I'm sorry. This was supposed to be a happy moment...

[He presses his head close against hers and just shakes his head.]

It's fine.

[All he cares about is her well-being, and he does feel a bit bad having her being this up now. It certainly wasn't what be intended. But they've crossed the bridge and he's staying to help pick up the pieces and try to mend things.]

...It's all right.

[She wants to make the effort to reach out and open her heart up to him, but it's hard when she never has, and instead has kept this all bottled up for months now. She's never spoken with anyone about the events of that night before Eustace, nor has she had to relive those memories. It's been so long for her since it happened and yet, they're still fresh in her mind as if it were only yesterday that she felt the heat of the flames on her skin, and the rumble of the ground beneath her feet as a whole sector of Midgar fell, and she watched it...

Like yesterday since she stood in front of Seventh Heaven, or what was left of it...

With another strained noise—a cross between a sob and a dry, sad laugh, she lifts her hand to his face.]

It wasn't all bad, you know... There were some good moments in between...

[The memories that she'd rather cherish, and the ones that she does. She holds onto them like a lifeline, and Tifa doesn't want him to think that she sees her life as a series of struggles. She has gone through her fair share of them yes, but the most important pieces of it all are the ones that lifted her up when she fell.]

I met a lot of good people. I made friends... I wouldn't have made it this far without them.

You can tell me about them then.

[It's...what he really had intended for her to talk to him about after all.]

I know of Aerith and Nanaki...Cloud...and you mentioned someone else—a man and his daughter living at your bar?

[Tifa's expression lights up when he says their names.]

Barret and Marlene.

[There's so much warmth when she mentions them, and that cold dread that had found its way through the cracks in her heart is slowly chased away, making room for the care and love she has for her family waiting for her back on Gaia.]

There was Jessie, Biggs, and Wedge, too. When I went to Midgar, they were my first friends I made.

[Was. But even though it's hard to think back on it now, she wants to honour them by cherishing the good times that they had together, rather than the last.]

They'd come by the steamed bun stand all the time. To be honest? I think I was kind of jealous that they all seemed so close for a while...

Hmm... But you eventually joined them and now you have a group of friends of your own.

[The silver lining...

In between all the bad things that have happened, Tifa could look back on those days and say that yes, she had friends, and she gives a shy little nod of her head before she dips her face into his neck, her sad smile flickering with appreciation.]

Yeah... Guess I do.

[A hand comes up to swipe beneath her eyes again, wiping away whatever tears still linger, and she laughs.]

When I think about it, you and I aren't so different that way, huh...?

...In a strange way, no.

[And...also in a sad way, but he just gently brushes his hand through her hair, fingers threading through it as he continues to hold her close.]

It's probably why we're able to understand each other despite our different personalities.

Funny... how that worked out.

[Tifa sighs and leans her head back against his fingers as they work their way through her hair.

She's always thought of them as night and day, like a sunrise and a sunset. Almost complete opposites in many, many ways, when in reality, they are simply two sides of the same coin. They are different but complement one another. You cannot have one without the other, or else everything just feels incomplete.

And now that she's found the other side of her coin, she feels it. That sense of completeness that people spend so much of their lives looking for, and she wonders again—for the hundredth time since they arrived out here—how she got so lucky.]

I wish you could meet them. I think you'd like them all a lot. [She giggles.] Barret takes some getting used to, but once you get to know him, he's really just a big softie.

... I wish you could've seen the bar. My home. I'd make you the best drink you've ever had.

Hopefully one day. I'll have to leave a good impression when that time comes.

[A small lift at the corner of his lips as he gazes down at her. He has a strong feeling they would be a little protective of her, especially when some strange guy stole her away.]

But you could try creating a dreamscape of it. Could even try recreating it here.

Seventh Heaven...?

[Her eyes open wide in surprise, and she lifts her head from his shoulder to look at him.]

I mean, I could try a dreamscape of it, maybe... but... the whole bar? Here?

[Tifa had talked about rebuilding the bar when all of this was over, back in Midgar, but the thought of rebuilding Seventh Heaven here never crossed her mind. The idea of having something here had, and even back in Camelot, there was the spark of one, but it never made it past being a simple, passing thought.]

I'd need some help with that, for sure.

[A small shrug.]

Should be possible, there will be no shortage of those willing to help. Or you can change it a bit if you wanted, but if you really would like to remake your bar there's still plenty of open spaces available.

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