songerein | I've been shaking, waking in the night light

Entry tags:

I've been shaking, waking in the night light

Who: Joshua (

empyreancatastrophe) and your character
Which: Open Log
Where: You get to pick! Outskirts of Reverein, Wikki Archives, or Crystal Caves
What: A catch-all for part of October!
Warnings: If you haven’t finished Final Fantasy XVI and/or care about spoilers, don't click that cut text.

No More Playing Flames [OPEN]
[Joshua finds himself practicing at the edge of town—far enough not to hurt anyone, but close enough to seek help if he should need it, if he thinks to ask. He’ll have to see if it’s worth it if he finds himself in a groove. Only time will tell.]

[With a deep breath, he begins to channel this still mysterious power of dreamotion, both familiar and foreign, carrying its own weight distinctive from the magicks of home. As he extends his hand, a fiery glow envelops his fingertips. It dances like flames in the night, ethereal and unpredictable. He's practiced this skill tirelessly, seeking to harness its potential and overcome the fatigue that always follows. He has to become stronger. He has to be able to protect others.]

[And that’s today’s goal. He’s created barriers back in Valisthea, yes, he hasn’t honed the art to accommodate the split-second decisions necessary in battle without Phoenix’s raw power. Not yet, at least.]

[Drawing upon his emotions, he reaches deep into his heart, searching for a source strong enough to bolster his attempts. Although not outwardly emotional, Joshua finds no trouble in tapping into the one well he knows will never run dry: the love he holds for his brother. He remembers their childhood, the laughter, the shared dreams, and their promise to protect each other. He’s already decided that it’s this love, this unbreakable bond, that will fuel his magicks here in Songerein.]

[Now he just has to get them to work in a way that won’t leave him drained.]

[The barrier materializes like a fiery wall, a translucent, otherworldly shimmer that wavers in the air with the intensity of a blazing inferno. His brow furrows in concentration as he infuses it with the strength of his emotions, willing it to hold strong and last longer than before as it crackles with power, a fiery resonance that vibrates through his veins. Still, Joshua can feel the toll on his strength, the way dreamotion saps his energy with every passing second. It's a different kind of fatigue from what he's used to, a weariness that settles deep within his bones. Vastly preferable to coughing up blood after greater manifestations of his power, but not ideal.]

[Regardless, he stands his ground, determined to push the limits of his abilities. The barrier remains stable, its fiery glow unwavering, as if infused with the essence of his love. A sense of accomplishment washes over him, and for a moment, Joshua believes that not only can it contend with the exhaustion, but possibly win. He's making progress, slowly learning to control this enigmatic magic while connecting it to his deepest emotions!]

[But all good things must come to an end. With each passing second, the shimmering wall weakens further. The fiery glow fades to a smoldering ember, and cracks start to appear, like a fragile glass sculpture on the verge of shattering. Desperation takes hold as he struggles to pour more energy into the failing shield, to reignite the fiery glow, but his fatigue proves too heavy an anchor. The barrier sputters and disintegrates into a shower of fading sparks and dissipating flames.]

[Joshua stumbles backward, drained and defeated, his body aching from the effort as he lowers himself to the ground with heavy breaths.]

[He didn’t mean to make such a show, and thankfully there are few civilians who can see him from where he is, but it’s still enough to call attention to anyone curious enough to check up on that peculiar burst of flame.]

Page Against the Machine [OPEN]
[The Songerein Wikki Archives proved far smaller than Joshua initially thought they would be when he first questioned about their existence. However, the treasure trove of information is far from disappointing, and he’s found himself darting in and out of the archive over the course of multiple days, poring over text after text in search of the truth about his noctaere incident.]

[Days that he’s easily spent hour upon hour deep in research. Sure, he could take the books home, and he has a couple of times, but there was something about the atmosphere that made him more productive in his search.]

[Or it would if he could find exactly what he was looking for.]

[Joshua’s tired eyes scan the pages with increasing frustration. The symbols blur together, and the words become a dissonant jumble in his mind. If anyone were to ask, he’d vehemently deny it, but the truth is that he hasn't slept much, if at all. The lines between the past and present practically disappear as fatigue gnaws at his resolve. He's run himself ragged, driven by the need to understand why this incident echoes the burden his body bears back home. He’d trapped that monster within him wholly of his own volition, and he would gladly undertake the task a hundred times over if it meant protecting his brother, but he can’t deny its mental and physical toll.]

[Joshua should have been free of that malady—he certainly was from others—in this form made to traverse dreams, and yet…]

[…he has run into nothing but wall after wall. He’s uncovered plenty regarding the dangers of nightmares and noctaere, the cleansing thereof should one find oneself in possession (in all senses of the word) of one, and how to confront them, but nothing on their unique brand of affinity towards him. Or the other way around.]

[Leaning back in his chair, arms limp in an undignified spread over its sides as if defeated, Joshua huffs his displeasure aloud.]

Founder preserve me, if it is not one thing it is another.

[Lamentations thrive on woe and despair, neither of which are solutions, but they sure feel good when you’re grumpy.]

[This probably isn’t a good impression for anyone meeting him for the first time, and to anyone who’s gotten to know Joshua a little bit over the past month and a half, it’s definitely a change.]

Fortune Favors the Cave [CLOSED TO RYU]
[Joshua's heart pounds in his chest as he and Ryu stand at the entrance of the cave, the glow from the small orb of fire he’s called forth to light their way flickering against the rough, jagged walls. Shrouded in darkness, the deep cavern holds the answers he seeks to the mystery of what has happened to the Orkilins’ precious dreamotion crystals. Despite their undeniable beauty, Joshua can't shake his feelings toward these otherworldly, yet somehow familiar, gems.]

[He remembers his home, where the power of crystals was both revered and feared. They were coveted for their power to cast the magicks that only came naturally to a select few, manipulating the very essence of life. But it was that very power that slowly inched Valisthea into chaos and ruin. The Blight, its swathes of death and decay sprawling across the land like a sickness, was, as far as he and the others knew, the product of the Mothercrystals’ insatiable thirst for aether. Joshua had seen firsthand the destruction crystals could cause. It would be foolish to say this knowledge doesn’t at least partially fuel his determination to uncover the truth behind the recent thefts.]

[As they begin to venture into the cave, the walls seem to close in around them, and the echoes of their footsteps bounce off the rocky terrain. Joshua's eyes remain fixed on the crystal formations, their soft, ethereal glow casting an eerie light. He can't deny their beauty, but it's the knowledge of their potential devastation that keeps his fingers from reaching out to touch them.]

[Joshua's oddly quiet, even for someone as reserved as he is. Ryu may want to break the ice for this one!]

Wildcard!
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I thought libraries were supposed to be quiet.

[Comes an amused voice, not too far away. He's not that familiar with Joshua, but he thinks he might know him just enough to know that the outburst from someone who barely even raised his voice to speak over music and headphones is perhaps a little bit less than normal.

He wanders over, leaning over the back of a nearby chair to look at whatever text it is that has Joshua in such a tizzy. Something about noctaere and nightmares, from what he can glean at a glance. Not too out of place, maybe he'll borrow that book after Joshua is done with it himself.]

You doing alright over here?

[Joshua quickly lifts himself up in his chair, adopting a more stately position so he can address Kazuya in a way that's at least somewhat respectable.]

[Although there's no taking back his childish display. Whoops. The least he can do is look and feel sheepish about it.]

My apologies for the disturbance, Kazuya.

[He sighs.]

Researching the noctaere has proven to be a trying experience.

It's no problem. [He lifts his hand to wave it dismissively, rocking the chair a bit as he does.]

What are you researching them for? Curiousity after the Orkilin stuff? Or just your own curiousity?

[He hadn't gotten involved with the whole nightmare reactor thing, if only because he'd... More or less spent all his energy that could have gone towards doing that before it'd become an issue.

He does feel bad that he wasn't able to help, but it'd... probably been for the best.]

Both, actually.

I was involved in some incidents during the evacuation process related to the noctaere. Given the danger they pose, it seemed logical to learn as much as possible about them.

[It's probably a good thing that Kazuya didn't go down there if he wasn't in any shape to fight against the monsters that popped up. They weren't playing around. This guy here found that out the hard way.]

[Joshua gestures to the same chair that Kazuya is leaning against, inviting him to take a seat.]

Pray join me?

[Something about misery and company.]

[Kazuya can't help the face he makes when Joshua says the word "Pray", even if it's not even in the correct context. It just makes him think of angels, and that in turn gives him an uncomfortable feeling he does his best to shove off, turning the chair around to sit on it backwards and scooting close.

Better to distract himself than to spend too much time on an ugly feeling.]

My cousin apparently ended up fighting one of those nightmare beasts. The noctaere? I was kind of shocked when he told me, since he's not exactly the type to go out and save other people.

[He seems... pretty nonchalant about the entire thing. Naoya can handle himself, and if Naoya could take care of one of these noctaere, then surely he could do so even more swiftly and quickly.

He's definitely less concerned than he should be.]

It couldn't hurt to learn more about them though. Especially if they're gonna keep popping up.

[When that look crosses Kazuya’s face, however quickly, Joshua nearly flinches in return. He meant no offense, but he can’t tell where he’d transgressed. Maybe it was the invitation to join him? Was it too forward?]

[But Kazuya seems happy to spend the time with him, so that couldn’t be it. He’s about to ask, but he keeps quiet when the other young man begins to talk.]

Yes, the underground city was rampant with the creatures. I found myself in need of--

[…Wait…]

…Pardon, but is your cousin’s name Naoya?

Edited 2023-10-16 03:02 (UTC)

Oh. You met him?

[Wait. Scratch that.]

He saved you?

[The bewilderment takes over just about every aspect of his body, and he sits a little straighter, only to lean in like it's some big revelation. Why would Naoya go out of his way to save someone? He's way more likely to leave and do nothing, unless Joshua is somehow interesting to Naoya.

That has to be it. There's no way Naoya would just help out some normie.]

[As Kazuya leans in, Joshua slowly recoils his shoulders back just enough to keep a comfortable space between them.]

[He’s not sure how to answer that question, so he goes with the truth.]

He… did, yes. Twice.

Once after I encountered a noctaere on my own, and once more after we battled another one together.

[He pauses.]

The second time, I was fully incapacitated following the battle. When I came to, he was nowhere to be found, although he left water.

[Kind of like a dinky participation trophy, but in the middle of a battlefield. While he was unconscious.]

[ Kazuya studies him intently for a few moments silently after he finishes explaining. Not only had Naoya saved him once, but twice. ]

You're either pretty lucky or you managed to interest him quite a bit, then.

[ He finally says, after a beat as he leans back and gives Josh his personal space back once more.

Though he still seems incredibly curious. ]

Well, I'm glad he did decide to save you, either way.

As am I.

[When Kazuya leans back, Joshua follows, returning to their previous equilibrium. That feels much better.]

[Although now many questions require begging.]

I cannot speak for my luck, but I can speak for what may have sparked Naoya's interest.

[He slides his current book over so it sits between the two of them. The pages are adorned with different illustrations of noctaere in various shapes and sizes.]

Beforehand, may I ask what you know of the noctaere already?

Not much, really. Just that they're nightmare beasts that like to attack people, for the most part. And that they're kind of dangerous? Or can be.

[It's clear that someone hasn't paid them too much mind. A combination of "Out of sight, out of mind", and the fact that Naoya had apparently dealt with one and only got a bit of bruising for his efforts.

He'll flip between a few pages, taking in what they looked like, reading a few descriptions that are there..]

Correct.

[Joshua rests his elbows on the table while Kazuya peruses the book, he cradled his chin in one hand, deep in thought.]

Their danger transcends attacking people. If one is exposed to enough nightmare energy or negative emotion, they risk becoming a noctaere as well.

[He reaches out and points to an illustration of a very human looking monster.]

Normally this occurs through having excessive nightmares or negative thoughts.

[Normally.]

You can turn into one with excessive nightmares or negative thoughts?

[Uh-oh! Him and Naoya are... probably in danger, then. Between Naoya's nightmares and his own constant demon induced negative thoughts coupled with his own more frequent than normal nightmares. Wow, that would suck. Turning into another monster after already turning into a monster.

He really can't catch a break, can he?

Well, maybe there's something poetic in him and Naoya potentially turning into these monsters together.]

That sucks.

[What an incredibly apt way to put it. Thanks, Kazuya.]

[He has literally never heard that saying before in his life, please give him a moment, Kazuya.]

[Context clues, general tone... okay. Joshua understands. He's pretty sure he does.]

It is not ideal, no.

As long as one manages to keep clear of such things, there is little need to worry.

[Again, normally.]

But you and him didn't keep clear.

[ Obviously. Naoya has the bruises to prove it. He tilts his head inquisitively. ]

Are you worried you might have some sort of side effect from fighting it?

[Joshua falls silent again.]

We did, and we did not.

[Cool riddle speak, bro.]

Naoya first found me after I had destroyed a smaller noctaere attacking a civilian. Instead of disappearing, however, part of it entered my body. For lack of better words, I absorbed it. Unwillingly.

[Unconsciously, he raises his free hand to his chest.]

He witnessed that moment, which is when I believe the interest you speak of may have piqued.

Shortly after, we fought another, larger noctaere together. One who was attacking more civilians. The same thing occurred once again.

You need not worry about him. Naoya was fine afterward. However, a piece of the destroyed creature also found its way inside of me. I remember little after that, save for some conversation surrounding the abilities he used in battle.

[Related, now that Joshua knows Kazuya is the cousin Naoya spoke about, he's going to have some questions. He'll hold off for a bit, though.]

Edited (wooooooord choice) 2023-10-18 14:58 (UTC)

That would do it.

[ He nods. If Joshua absorbed noctaere bits, then it stands to reason that of course Naoya would be interested in him. That's just the kind of person he is when he's presented with something new.

But Kazuya's gaze sharpens a little as well, regarding Joshua in a way that's likely reminiscent of Naoya.

Kazuya himself knows what it's like to absorb something a human shouldn't. ]

Sounds less than ideal, to absorb noctaere pieces. You sure you're fine?

Edited (phone... typos) 2023-10-18 16:32 (UTC)

[Although he doesn't flinch at the sharpening of Kazuya's eyes (he's been at the receiving end of such a gaze plenty of times in his life), Joshua can't deny that it makes him feel exposed. Like a child caught with his hand in a jar of sweets.]

I...

[His voice trails off. His initial instinct is to brush off concern by insisting that, yes, he is very much fine, thank you, please go about your day. But this is new magic. Dangerous magic.]

[At the same time, shouldering one's own problems comes naturally to a Rosfield. It's practically in his blood. What's the use in worrying others when there's little they can do?]

[He heaves a sigh.]

I feel no different [not a lie, technically], however, it would be wise to avoid any potential unpleasantries.

[ How similar is this situation to his own? Noctaere aren't demons, but they're definitely not something someone probably wants to absorb, even small pieces of.

And yet Joshua insists he's fine, that he doesn't feel any different, and while Kazuya doesn't have any reason to disbelieve him, the pause from early gives him a little concern. ]

Unpleasantries like what? This is what you're in here looking for answers for, right? Why you'd be able to absorb something like that in the first place and the potential effects of it?

[It's fine. Everything is fine. Keep your head up, keep marching forward. That's how things get done.]

Precisely.

[Joshua taps the book, as if the the motion would be enough to magically conjure some kind of answer, but there's nothing for his efforts outside of a muted thump that mirrors each dead end he's come across.]

But thus far, none of these tomes hold the answers to those questions.

What if you're one of the first?

[ Kazuya doubts the only one, but the first is likely enough. He just hasn't been here very long.]

Or maybe one of the other people here will know, if it's not in any of the books.

Edited (i need to stop phone tagging im constantly eating shit for it) 2023-10-19 06:23 (UTC)

[Whether he's one of the few or one of the first, this is the kind of situation where being special feels way more bad than good.]

Hopefully you're right.

[Joshua's pensive gaze lands on the book between them.]

[Then, he closes his eyes, as if resigned. After taking a breath, he opens them, not quite renewed, but with some semblance of purpose.]

[If this is to be his lot, then he'll make the best of it. Like he always has.]

In the interim, I will chronicle what I can. If the information does not exist already, it would be remiss not to try to provide it for anyone's future must needs.

It's not a bad idea to do that. [He agrees, readily when Joshua says he'll chronicle what he can, which makes him wonder if maybe there is some kind of a side effect that's happening from what happened to him. You don't really say you're going to write down what's happening to yourself if nothing is happening, after all.

Kazuya drums his fingers against the table, an outlet for his nervous energy.

He doesn't really want to say anything about his own situation, on the off chance it might get out and make people look at him differently (with terror, is the big one), but he also recognizes that the situation isn't too dissimilar from his own, and maybe he might be able to provide some kind of insight.

Kazuya slumps a little against the table, at war with himself. It's not like there's a war for the throne of noctaere here, is there?

There better not be.]

Just don't get so caught up in writing down what happens that you forget to ask for help when you need it, alright?

[In response, Joshua offers a small upturn of the corners of his mouth, barely a smile but not devoid of emotion.]

I will do my best to remember.

[He’s not one to make empty promises. To say that, without a doubt, he will take care of himself would be exactly that. Trying, though, that much he can guarantee. Joshua isn’t in any rush to put himself into dire straits, but many times priorities dictate his well-being is placed aside in favor of more pressing matters.]

[And it seems like he isn’t the only one dealing with some sort of conflict.]

[Between explicit training and implicit intuition, Joshua has a keen eye for small changes in behavior. Negotiation requires such skills; any weakness shown, no matter how minute, can be taken advantage of. It’s all part of the game.]

[This moment, however, is not. Kazuya isn’t an opponent at the opposite end of a war room or political chamber. He’s an acquaintance who shared music and culture and advice. If Joshua can extend the same congeniality, he absolutely will.]

Something troubles you.

[Not an accusation or a jab; only an observation.]

[ He doesn't seem surprised whem he's called out that something is bothering him too. He drums his fingers again, a little faster than before, as he silently considers his options. To tell or not to tell. To share his very much lived and current experience, or wait and see if something might be a little too similar in an already similar situation.

Ugh. ]

A bit. [ He says, after a long stretch of silence with his gaze just about anywhere else. ]

I'm just kind of worried. If you saw Naoya fighting, then you know he uses demons. [ Is what he settles on. Not quite revealing the whole truth. ] I just wonder how similar the Noctaere are to them, and what it might mean for you to have absorbed some of said noctaere.

[ He can't ask more pointed questions about the situation, despite how much he wants to. Was it cold? Did it make you want to fall to your knees? Did you feel powerful, for even a moment? Are all thoughts he has swirling around in his head.

page against the machine

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