songerein | Some day we'll put it together and we'll get it all done

Entry tags:

Some day we'll put it together and we'll get it all done

Who: Joshua (

firebrandish); Joshua & Kazuya (

bellheir)
Which: Closed Log(s) – Mini catchall
Where: Joshua’s home (guest starring his desk)
What:
- Clive is getting married to Jill, and Joshua has started turbo planning. Clive asks him a very important question.
- Kazuya is coming for a friendly visit (and to chat more about what happened at their sparring match a few months ago) where he uncovers something Joshua is hiding.
Warnings: FF16 spoilers maybe? Will add as necessary

Finding the best man for the job

[Joshua sits at his writing desk, a flurry of activity surrounding him as he meticulously organizes piles of parchment filled to the brim with neatly scrawled annotations—and that’s the only sign of tidiness within his vicinity. Whatever documents or lists aren’t placed into haphazard piles lay crumpled on the floor surrounding his seat. His brow furrows in concentration as he reviews his latest endeavor, his quill resting against his cheek.]

[Tap tap.]

[Tap tap.]

[Tap.]

[Then, a heavy sigh. As determined as Joshua is to help make this wedding a success, a celebration worthy of his beloved big brother and his soon to be sister-in-law, there are certain stressors involved. He enjoys planning. Excels in it. Thrives, even. For some reason, however, the stakes seem and feel higher now than with any espionage mission or war strategy he’s partaken in.]

[Still, this is an important moment. One that Clive and Jill will remember forever. He can’t afford to slack or to fall prey to trepidations. Everything will work out, because he will be there to make sure of it.]

[With a decisive nod, Joshua scribbles down a few more notes before reaching for another document.]

Snoopy isn’t just the name of a dog

[Joshua stands outside his treehouse, the crisp air marking winter’s end enveloping him as he takes hold of Alder’s reins. He’d invited Kazuya over for a hangout, hoping to catch up with his friend amid the welcome chaos of his family’s arrival, but his chocobo had other plans. The steed was entering his adolescent months, chock full of rebellious tendencies and endless energy. While Joshua was waiting for Kazuya indoors, Alder saw it fit to cause a ruckus in his stable. And so, Joshua ran outside to help quell the latest in what’s sure to be a string of rambunctious antics.]

[As Alder trots beside him, his feathers ruffled and his demeanor restless, Joshua can't help but feel a twinge of frustration. He'd been looking forward to spending time with Kazuya, and now his plans were derailed by his unruly chocobo. He reminds himself that, intelligent as they are, chocobos are still animals. He can hardly blame the bird for whatever instinct is driving him.]

Easy there, boy.

[Joshua’s tone is soft as he gently tugs on the reins.]

What’s gotten into you?

[Alder lets out a squawk in response, his beak snapping at the air as if he's eager to be free of his constraints. Joshua sighs, knowing that Alder's energy needs to be expended somehow, or else he'll continue to act out. Disappointment aside, he has a responsibility to take care of.]

[It’s at that moment that he notices a familiar figure coming close, and Joshua waves.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Truthfully, he's always happy to hang out somewhere other than the house with Naoya, especially with his elder sibling getting on his nerves more often than not. Not that he dislikes him, even when he's being a giant pain in the ass, but being cooped up too long with Naoya can lead to frustration on both their ends.

Also because he feels like he's reverting to how he was as a kid, always toddling after him even now that he knows better and is far more independent. So yes, being invited over is something he eagerly takes Joshua up on, especially as he's aware of what Kazuya is now, and it leads to something a little more relaxed out of him. Less pretending.

And... Admittedly, he's also done some thinking about their little sparring match and the consequences that had come from it. It's something he does plan on talking with him about now, and the invitation proves the perfect reason to bring it up. Granted, he doesn't expect to come by Joshua having a hard time with Alder. While he's been told that the big bird is technically domesticated, Kazuya values his fingers. If Macaws can take off fingers, he'd hate to see what a bird of that size could do to a hand when it's being that rowdy.

He waves back, picking up speed as he sees Joshua struggling a little, concerned for his hands potential well-being.]

Having some bird problems?

[It doesn't help that the problematic bird (the yellow one, not the human-shaped one) has started his growth spurt. Once waist high, Alder now comes almost face to face with Joshua, who's fairly tall in his own right. His hands aren't the only body parts in danger.]

[Thankfully, the 'bo's beak is nowhere near Joshua's nose or eyes, although if Alder had any intention on causing harm, he certainly could. Knowing this fact more than well enough, Joshua maintains his kinder approach. With his fingers running through Alder's feathers, he finally regards Kazuya.]

Some, yes. He's taken to disobedience for nearly a sennight now.

[Now that the chocobo is quietly trilling under his palm, Joshua reaches into a pouch full of greens hanging from his hip.]

It would be hypocritical to chide or punish another for rebellion, but I also cannot condone the behavior.

[He sighs.]

How have you been, my friend?

[... A sennight.... Kazuya has no clue what that means, but he can figure it's long enough for it to be an annoyance.]

I've been alright... [He pauses, definitely watching the bird a little warily. While he doubts that said animal could leave any lasting damage on him, he still very much does not want to experience being pecked himself.]

I'd offer to help, but I honestly don't know too much about birds. Or really pets in general, since I never had any. Though if you tell me what to do, I can definitely do that?

[Though the bird seems under control, if only for the moment.]

[Joshua holds out the gysahl greens for Alder to cheerfully munch on from his palm.]

Thank you for offering, but we should be all right now.

We’ll circle the tree a few times before I stable him again. Then in the evening, I’ll take him for a run.

[The chocobo seems to be content with the compromise (easy enough to convince him when presented with his favorite food), so Joshua nods in satisfaction. Crisis averted for now.]

It would be poor form to allow you to stay out in the cold while I finish working with him. Please make yourself at home. There is nobody else there at the moment, and I’m happy to say my food situation is far less dire nowadays.

[He says with a grin that’s as genuinely happy as it is amused.]

[It is interesting to watch how Alder heels more or less as the greens are offered to him, how confident Joshua is around a beak that could absolutely be deadly in an instant. There's definitely a little relief when Joshua tells him not to be worried about helping him out in the way his shoulders slacken slightly.

Still, he doesn't really want to just hang out inside Joshua's house if he's not there? It might feel a little weird.

Are you sure? I don't mind at least walking with you.

[Just one more offer, to be polite.]

[He catches the relief in Kazuya's posture and smiles knowingly.]

I'm positive. It won't be long.

[Joshua reaches out and places a hand on his friend's shoulder. The grip isn't tight, but it's firm enough to hopefully convey his warmth.]

You're always welcome in my home. Please do not feel as if you are intruding.

If you're sure.

[ It still feels a little odd, to be granted such lofty permissions after what he did, but it's not as if he doesn't appreciate it either. Especially not when it comes with such a reassuring gesture that Joshua gives by way of a gentle but firm grasp on his shoulder.

If anything, he deflates the rest of the way under the touch, though his nod is still a little apprehensive. ]

Alright. I guess I'll make myself at home then?

[ He returns that grip on his shoulder, though it's just to Joshua's arm in turn. Brief, only lingering a few seconds, but something thankful all the same. ]

[It's a welcome gesture! One that lifts Joshua's otherwise tired eyes as he chuckles.]

Please do.

[With that, Joshua turns around so he can start guiding Alder now that the bird's finished his snack. All the better to get done as early as possible.]

[When Kazuya does finally enter Joshua's home, there's a busier feeling to it. If his nose is sensitive enough, he'll catch the faint scent of a recently made meal, and the slightest hint of dog (but not in an unpleasant way). Joshua kept his humble abode orderly before, but that was more due to unintentional minimalism. Nobody else lived there, so he had little to fill what space he had. Now, however, although not messy per se, there are blankets thrown haphazardly to drape along his couch, chairs that have been moved around, and a kitchen that's clearly seen more use than it ever has before.]

[Before, Joshua had a house. Now, it truly feels like a home. Someplace filled with warmth and love.]

[Among that wholesome mess is Joshua's writing desk just beyond the entrance. A hastily bound book--one clearly meant to act as a manuscript rather than a finished product--lays open on its surface and Joshua's quill hangs precariously tilted against the side of its inkwell. It's clear that he'd left in a hurry in the middle of a project to handle a more pressing matter. Giant, yellow, and feathery, perhaps?]

[Even with Joshua's permission, it sort of feels like he's breaking and entering despite given permission. Maybe it's just him in feeling weird in being in someone else's house without them present, but it's a feeling he has all the same.

The changes he sees now before him though quickly sweep that sensation under the rug the further he gets inside. It looks... Much more lived in, and yes, much more like a home. From the blanket thrown haphazardly over the couch, to the chairs that aren't quite tucked in, just a little ajar. It doesn't really take much more exploring than that for him to see it, that Joshua is no longer alone. He'd said that his family was here with him now, and honestly? Kazuya is relieved for that. Even if it's only Naoya is here, he still has someone he can rely on, even if he doesn't see eye to eye with him... Most of the time.

It's probably the same for Joshua. It's fine to make friends here, but there's just something inherently different in having someone you know, having someone who knows so much about you present that's easier.

Kazuya's instinctual reaction is to tidy the blankets, or at least set them right so they're not messy. He's sure that Joshua would appreciate that, since it looks like he just hasn't had much time to do it himself. Either that, or he just hasn't really been home to do so. Either way, its when he's tidying this that he notices the writing desk, the quill laying so precariously that it looks like it might fall at any moment.

Well. Kazuya doubts he'd want that mess to deal with. He's had pens explode on him in the past, and that's always a nightmare to clean. So he'll just set that right--

He doesn't really mean to look through the journal, it's not really any of his business, but he glances at it as he's moving things to a proper and less dangerous position, he can't help but read the writing-

"I cannot write in great detail, but during a training session today, I gained more evidence that nostilium is not necessary for darkness to manifest.

This is a flimsy hypothesis at best, but I wonder if there is a link between Phoenix and attracting nightmares. There is no way I can test my theory. Not without causing harm to others.

Another dead end."

A hand runs against the page, and his expression falls. It's what he wanted to talk to Joshua about today, even. It seems like there's a lot to discuss, just from this page alone, and an uncomfortable feeling settles back into his gut as he resumes tidying. It's not Joshua's fault. He knows better than to snoop, that things are never what they seem at a glance, but it still doesn't give him the best feeling in the world either.

When it's all said and done, Kazuya moves back to the living room, to make himself comfortable on the couch until Joshua returns.

The first thing he should do is apologize.]

Edited 2024-04-05 05:17 (UTC)

[Kazuya won't have to stew for long before Joshua manages to make his way back into the house. The door opens with a barely audible creak as he steps through and into the small foyer. He bends down to pull off his boots, eyes not on Kazuya just yet.]

All done with Alder! He was far more amenable after the greens.

[As he steps into the living room proper, Joshua pulls off his gloves and his mantle, putting the former away and hanging the latter. It's then that he catches how the space has been organized. With a grateful smile, he glances at Kazuya.]

Did you tidy up? Thank you. I app--

[Wait. Something is wrong. Joshua's grin wavers into a concerned frown.]

...Is aught the matter?

[It's good that he doesn't have to stew in his own thoughts too long. They're already tumultuous at best as he tries not to think too hard about the journal page he saw. He nearly jumps as Joshua calls out, it hadn't been long, but it's still enough to startle him into sitting straight up again, and he lifts his head to watch Joshua for the moment, taking in the sight.

He's already concerned. Well, it's not as if he doesn't look a little distraught himself, so it's probably natural to be a little concerned by that, right?]

I didn't mean to snoop, but your journal was open- [He nods his head in it's direction, still open on the page he'd seen.] And it looked like your stuff was about to fall over, and I didn't want you to have to possibly clean up ink from everywhere.

[He exhales, slow, trying to steady himself.]

I saw what you wrote. About your power possibly attracting darkness and nightmares.

[At first, Joshua feels a bristle run through his body. The hairs on the back of his neck stand, and he needs to take a couple of deep breaths to calm the anger that bubbles from within him. A couple deep breaths more than he normally would.]

[Such are the effects of the darkness he'd written about.]

[His brain moves fast, however, leveraging logic against that surge of emotion. Kazuya meant to help. Joshua was the one who left his book open. Eyes wander. The entry, one that he was referencing for more current notes, directly pertained to Kazuya. He arguably had a right to view it.]

[Another breath and Joshua closes his eyes. Then, he nods, more to himself than anything, and speaks.]

It's all right. I can hardly blame you for reading something left out in the open.

[He strides over to his table and picks up his manuscript. A few moments pass where Joshua scans his own writing before he turns to face Kazuya again. Jill told him to stop holding everyone at arm's length. That the convoluted paths of the walled garden he'd built around his deepest thoughts would lead to his ruin. The book he's clutching to his chest, face-to-face with his friend, is filled to the brim with vulnerability. With darkness that extends beyond the nostilium that plagues him.]

I... I imagine you have questions.

[It's not like him to falter with words, but it also isn't like him to allow anyone into the inner workings of his mind. Publication allowed for a barrier. As much as Joshua intended to allow these thoughts to make it out in to the world (an honest chronicle of his thoughts could help others who may find themselves in a similar situation), he would be removed from it. Questions could be controlled, assuming anyone ever had the chance to ask them of him.]

[With a friend, someone who's managed to peek a little bit below Joshua's surface, the stakes are much higher.]

[And there's of course the matter of Kazuya's feelings.]

And I apologize if what I wrote was unacceptable. I will change it.

Edited (icon choice and extra stuff!!!) 2024-04-06 23:36 (UTC)

[The anger is something he catches almost immediately. Not through how Joshua holds himself, or any other vague barely noticeable changes, but through scent. As a demon, those sorts of negative emotions, or even any emotion felt strongly enough carries it's own smell, and he winces a little at it, especially as it's directed at him.

Joshua has every right to be upset. Hey may not have meant to look, but he had all the same.

He says that he can't blame him for reading something left out in the open, but it's clear that a part of him does. How much of that is that nostilium and how much of that is Joshua, he wonders?

Kazuya averts his gaze somewhere less judging. The floor feels fine.]

I do. But my questions don't mean anything to your comfort. You didn't willingly share that with me, so I won't expect you to answer them.

[Even if it was just one page. Just that single page is enough to make him nervous, and he only glances back up momentarily from where he's looking when Joshua apologizes for what he wrote.

Another wince. Another flinch back.

You don't have to apologize either. Like I said, it wasn't for me to see. It was private.

[And therefore, Josh's personal thoughts on the matter.]

No, I do have to apologize. I'm sorry, Kazuya. For the part I played that day, and for keeping my writing from you.

[There isn't a massive distance between them. Joshua's treehouse, despite now holding three people and a wolf, doesn't boast a large size. Yet the space between himself and Kazuya seems nearly insurmountable. As if every step he'd have to take to reach the teenager across from him would be the same as traversing a mountain pass. The question is if the person he'd reach is worth such a journey.]

[And as Joshua's feet begin to move, however slowly and shakily, on their own, it's crystal clear that yes, Kazuya is worth it. Their friendship is worth it.]

[Height is an awkward deal for him. Long and lanky, Joshua needed time to grow used to his body. Although he never towered over Kazuya, he's also never felt this small.]

Here.

[Joshua holds out the unfinished book for Kazuya to take. He'll wait for however long the resident king of demons needs to lift his gaze.]

I didn't willingly share it with you before, but I am now. Everything. It is yours to peruse.

[His heart hammers against his ribs, but there's no point in that fear. What's done is done.]

Ask whatever you wish.

Edited (:V wording) 2024-04-07 00:14 (UTC)

[For the part he played that day? He hadn't even known what was going on. He had been just as oblivious to what transpired as Kazuya had been. Neither of them had expected that, and if even only Kazuya had known, he wouldn't have suggested the friendly sparring match to begin with.

His frown increases, tugs a little further on his expression as Joshua holds out the book to him, and he shakes his head, pushing that same book back against him with both his hands.]

While it might be nice to know your inner thoughts, they're not for me to know unless you share them, and not out of obligation or feeling like you have to because you might feel guilty for what I saw.

[And... There's a scent here too, something like... fear?

Kazuya lifts his gaze, trying to meet Joshua's. The last thing he wants is for the other to feel anything like that around him. For any reason.]

[Joshua's first instinct is to shut down his entire attempt at reaching out. To simply fold at the literal push back and hoist up his walls once again. It's so much easier that way. Protect one's deepest, darkest emotions in favor of comfortable secrets. The less others know about where his mind wanders, the less he has to worry about them following those tumultuous paths that, as much as denial won't allow him to admit, will undoubtedly lead to ruin.]

[As long as it's his ruin and nobody else's, that's acceptable. Joshua accepted self-destruction for the greater good long ago.]

[He tilts the book back towards his person, ready to acquiesce, but then Jill's words ring over the whispers that encroach throughout the recesses of his conscience.]

[Haven't we held each other at arm's length for long enough?]

[Joshua thrusts the book back forward.]

This is no act of guilt, nor is it an obligation. None outside of friendship.

[Head bowed and shoulders heavy, he continues, voice wavering with emotion that continues through his trembling fingertips.]

'Tis difficult enough to share my thoughts. I beg of you not to make it worse.

Take it.

Please.

[Joshua is serious, pushes his book, his writing and his innermost thoughts back at Kazuya. The conviction, the way he says what he does gives him pause as his fingers grasp it back gently. The scent of his emotion is almost too much, so close. Fear. Trepidation. Anxiousness. They're all coalescing into one pleasant smell that lingers despite his best efforts to shove that thought down and away.

He doesn't want Joshua to feel these things around him. He doesn't want anyone too, really, but least of all someone who he's so close to. Joshua deserves better than that, and Kazuya has had enough of people being fearful of him. Of his reactions.

The book is pulled into his lap gently, but he doesn't open it. Instead, he looks at the journal in his hands, fingers running over the cover curiously now that he's been given this. It still feels strange, awkward, to be given something like it, and he doubts that he'll be able to so easily shake the feeling that he's prying, but...

Kazuya's gaze lifts, and an arm reaches out to grab Joshua's. It's meant to be reassuring, grip firm but not demanding.]

... We can go through it together, if it helps.

[To give him a chance at explaining things that his thoughts, unedited, unfiltered, and without any context, might otherwise seem to say.

He trusts him. Joshua doesn't seem like anyone who has ever had bad intentions, and Kazuya hopes that the same remains true for him.]

[He’s so caught up in his emotions, that when Kazuya first touches Joshua’s arm, he stiffens. The action is fleeting. A mere twitch that quickly dissipates into relaxation against the palm of his friend’s hand. Flight or fight is easily overcome in the presence of someone he fully trusts.]

[A slow breath follows the nerves leaching from his body, as if it’s bending and breaking the tense wires holding him hostage. Kazuya’s offer is the final push needed to release him completely.]

I think that would be best, yes.

[As unfiltered as his thoughts on those pages are, there’s a certain level of self-censorship that, try as he may to avoid, he knows must be present. Such is the nature of writing that is meant to be published. When he knows that his thoughts and feelings are to be laid bare to any who may peruse his accounts, there’s that undeniable need to guard at least some of one’s feelings.]

[The realization casts a new light on the journals he’s read back in his own world. How many of those brilliant scholars and historians held back in their words? How much context did he lose in his own research into Valisthea’s already checkered past?]

[Awkwardly, Joshua slides onto the couch next to Kazuya. He keeps a respectable distance, but remains close enough to show that, at least overtly, he doesn’t fear whatever his friend will have to say about the ink marking those pages.]

From the beginning, then?

From the beginning.

[Together. To give Joshua a chance to explain. To give insight onto something that he may not have understood fully alone, or taken in bad faith, despite everything Joshua is and has shown him.

A brilliant light. Befitting that of that firebird he harbours inside him.

Hopefully it's enough to chase his own immeasurable darkness in turn.

His fingers are delicate on the pages, a clear cautious act to show he doesn't mean any harm, either to Joshua himself or his work. The first page of the journal chronicles his first encounter with the noctaere, how he'd fought along side his brother and absorbed several pieces. And the fear... ]

You absorbed pieces of the Noctaere, and had a poor reaction to it. I assume Naoya left you somewhere he thought was safe, at least?

[Now he knows why Naoya might have taken an interest in Joshua in the first place.]

He sees you as a tool, you know. I don't want you to get in over your head when it comes to him. Even I'm his pawn.

[He doesn't regret it, would do it again, but he wants to make sure Joshua knows about that.]

Edited (:^)) 2024-04-24 03:00 (UTC)

[Joshua nods, acknowledging Kazuya's words as he listens intently. His mind drifts back to that fateful encounter with the noctaere, the tendrils of darkness creeping into his being, threatening to overwhelm him. It had been a sobering experience, one that he wouldn't wish upon anyone, but serendipitously, Naoya had been there. Although he didn’t bring Joshua to immediate safety, he eventually assured that he was out of harm's way. Despite their differences, Joshua can't deny the debt of gratitude he owes to the enigmatic figure.]

[But then Kazuya's next words strike a chord within him, and a flicker of doubt clouds his thoughts.]

[If Naoya sees him as a tool, a pawn in some larger game, then either the man is an expert at deception, or something else is amiss. The possibility sends a shiver down Joshua's spine, his expression turning thoughtful as he considers the implications of Kazuya's warning.]

You know him better than I.

[The words feel heavy on his tongue, laden with uncertainty. Joshua had believed in their friendship, had trusted Naoya's intentions. But now, faced with Kazuya's perspective, he can't help but question his own judgment. Was he too quick to trust? Too eager to see the best in others?]

[Too desperate for another friend—hooked on that pleasant warmth he’d finally allowed himself to bask in—that he would accept any display of vulnerability?]

[Joshua always considered himself a good judge of character. His instincts have served him well thus far. That skill couldn’t have degraded so drastically over the past several months. Not unless he’d grown softer during his time in this dream world. The relative safety of Songerein compared to Valisthea could very well have dulled the edge of his otherwise keen senses.]

[However, it would be poor form, and he would be a poor friend, if he were to abandon Naoya so suddenly. He made a choice, and he will stand by it.]

…But perhaps it's possible he's changed?

I'm not so sure.

[It's only right for Joshua to know. To know that getting too close to Naoya might end up with him in a place he might not want to be. For Kazuya, he'd known, somehow, early on that he'd become one of Naoya's pieces of the chessboard. Maybe it'd been when Yuzu had first shown up with the COMPs from his cousin in hand that he'd had an inkling that he had a much larger part to play in the lockdown than he anticipated. It's hard to say when it clicked, but that was likely the largest clue he'd had.

And he'd accepted it. Had gone along with what Naoya had planned, because he believed, rightly or wrongly, that he'd cared for him regardless. Now he's not so sure how much of that is his history with "Abel", or his much more recent history with "Kazuya", or a strange amalgamate of both.]

Naoya won't lie to you, but that doesn't mean he's always telling the truth. And while I don't think he himself would ever go out of his way to put you in a bad situation, I don't think he'd care too much if something terrible did happen to you.

[Judging by his recent conversation with his cousin, after all.]

You know what I am and what I'm capable of, so it's also only right that I should tell you that I've bound myself to him, at least in this place. He holds my free will in the palm of his hand, and it was something I willingly gave him.

[A revelation he tells to Joshua, if only because with his warnings he wants him to know that he would trust Naoya with something as precious as that.]

[Joshua's brows knit together in concern as Kazuya reveals the extent of his connection to Naoya, his mind racing to process the implications thereof. Surely, it’s a precarious position to find oneself in, and he’s caught between admiration and sympathy. Both would probably serve offensive to the teenager beside him, so he refrains from indulging in either. Still, to willingly surrender one's free will, to bind oneself to another's whims—it's a sacrifice that speaks volumes of Kazuya's character, of the lengths he's willing to go for the sake of... what, exactly? Trust?]

[Or maybe a lack thereof?]

[Clearly, Kazuya trusts Naoya. Given the warning he’s just shared, Joshua’s uncertain as to why, although he’ll broach that topic once his brain quiets down from reviewing possibilities. No, the lack of trust… could it be in himself? In his ability (or potential lack therelf) to control his power as the King of Demons?]

[He once told Joshua to escape by any means possible should the worst come to pass. Made him promise as much. He’d revealed he held a contract with Naoya back then, but not the considerable extent of it.]

Thank you. For your honesty.

[In all regards. As such, Joshua’s tone is earnest, his eyes finding purchase in finding Kazuya’s to reflect whatever his voice cannot.]

I spoke with Naoya recently, and I felt a sincerity in his words. He spoke of our friendship, and I want to believe him—but I also wish to heed your warning.

So… I suppose my question is why do you trust him with your free will? ‘Tis the very essence of who you are, it isn’t a decision made lightly.

[There’s no judgment, just an overt acknowledgement of the sacrifice Kazuya is making. To Joshua, free will is everything. It is what he and his brother and all of their companions are fighting, bleeding, dying to preserve.]

[To give it up, just like that… he won’t judge Kazuya, but he needs to know why.]

[Mild surprise flickers over Kazuya's features at the revelation that Naoya spoke of friendship. Naoya, who had recently learned what Kazuya had almost done to Joshua, whos response was "Well, that would have been disappointing", a response so lackluster and uncarring that it'd made Kazuya angry. The same anger he would have harboured if Naoya had the same uncarring attitude towards Yuzu or Atsuro. It'd made him bristle then, and hearing that Naoya had spoken of friendship to Joshua makes him bristle again.

If he's Naoya's pawn, that's one thing. But for him to potentially be trying to vy for Joshua's friendship and fondness so soon after their talk... What could he be planning? What does he know that Kazuya doesn't? Kazuya's gaze flickers to the ground as a frown tugs on his lips, left eye flickering from blue to red as Joshua asks him his next question.]

I trust Naoya with my free will because I know for a fact he wouldn't do anything to abuse it. I trust him with it because he was afraid of me, and I wanted to show him in the most blatant way possible that I wouldn't ever hurt him. I trust him with me. I don't trust him with other people.

[Rather, Kazuya trusts him with Abel. He trusts Naoya with "Kazuya" to a lesser extent.]

He's playing some sort of game with you. I don't know what it is, and I don't know what he stands to gain from it, but he's been alive for thousands of years. Whatever he's planning, he's in it for the long game.

[As Kazuya's eye shifts in color, Joshua's mind flashes back to their spar, to the eerie calm that followed that intense clash of pure, unadulterated power. It's a stark contrast to the calm, composed demeanor Kazuya tends to present with, and he can only surmise as to what that crimson gleam means.]

[Despite that history, he doesn’t flinch or turn away. Instead, he maintains his steady resolve. Easy enough when in the presence of a friend, and one who is entrusting him with more than words.]

[Joshua pays due diligence with the kind of silence that’s curated for listening, not just to what Kazuya is saying—but what he isn’t saying. His gaze remains steady as he internalizes that mix of determination and caution in his friend’s words. He places aside that empathetic ache in his heart as he weighs Kazuya's burden, the sacrifice he's made in entrusting his free will to another. There's a raw honesty present, a vulnerability laid bare for Joshua to witness. Even more, there’s conviction. Conviction driven by pragmatism, but genuine, nonetheless.]

[Most importantly, Kazuya finishes with a truth meant for Joshua to absorb and internalize. A truth that nestles readily beside one of many that he’s harbored since his youth:]

[When you possess power, others will do all they can to possess you.]

[The corner of Joshua’s mouth curls into something unfamiliar and unpracticed. The beginning of an expression that borders on acerbic and is tempered only by his desperate optimism that not all is lost. It’s what has driven him thus far, and what will continue to sustain him until his final breath.]

It wouldn’t be the first time, nor the second, nor I imagine the last.

[He pauses for a brief moment, then takes the next to clarify himself.]

That isn’t a display of overconfidence. I appreciate your honesty, and I am taking it to heart. I just need time to process.

[And to plan his own moves, if necessary. As much as Joshua wishes and hopes otherwise, he would be a fool to be caught without.]

Is there aught you can share with me that would help? Mayhap of your own experiences?

[There's a slow exhale at Joshua's words, at his acceptance and acknowledgement of what he's saying. To be wary, to understand that he's likely being used. It's not that Kazuya doesn't desperately want for Naoya to make an actual human connection, but with how they'd met? With what Naoya has indirectly said? It's hard to not be concerned for Joshua, for someone who is, and has made his way to be as close to him as Midori and Amane had been. Maybe as close to him as Yuzu and Atsuro.

It doesn't matter. Joshua is someone who is earnest. Who is light radiant, and deserves better than whatever machinations his cousin might be trying to cook up.

Mostly, Kazuya doesn't want to see him hurt.]

I know. And I know it's not something easy to hear, that someone you trust may have just been using you all along.

[But it's something he had to say. For Joshua's sake.]

Just be mindful of what you say to him. Don't say anything to him you wouldn't say to anyone else. Especially if you've been absorbing Noctaere pieces like you said you have.

[Which brings him to his next point, something that Joshua should know too, at least in regards to himself.]

And... I know we haven't gotten to your journal entry for it yet, but there's something you should know about me too. Demons feed on something called "Magnetite". It's something like a mix of strong emotions, will power, and life force. But it's more readily available when it comes to negative emotions, which is why demons are so prone to causing fear and panic. The worse the emotion, the more appetizing it is for demons, though positive ones can be readily consumed as well. I'm just as drawn to it as any other demon now.

[What he isn't saying here might be clear. Their sparring session, the starving state Kazuya had been in, and the fact he'd consumed and drawn energy from Joshua himself. It'd all just culminated in the perfect storm.]

Edited (forgot one) 2024-05-06 06:12 (UTC)

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