002 ☁ closed | between the comfort and chaos

[spikyheaded]

Who: Cloud and Zack
Which: Closed log
Where: Their apartment in Reverein
What: A conversation turns into an argument. Backdated to the 4th, the night after the "nature walk"
Warnings: Some FF7 spoilers but no Rebirth spoilers.

[It had been a little while since Cloud had been on a hike himself. Sure, he'd done a couple of treks into the Wildlands, mostly for work, but nothing like what they'd decided for today. In fact, it reminded him a little of his trips up and around Mt. Nibel back home.

While he was able to keep a decent pace, he could feel the dull ache begin creeping into his arms and legs after carrying Aerith partway. He knew she could manage around the slums, especially as they traversed the rooftops of Sector 5, but this particular expedition might've been too large a learning curve for her.

So just before bed, Cloud peeks into Zack's room, just to set the record straight.]

Next time you say nature walk, we better stick to that plan. Especially if Aerith's tagging along.

Comments

[theheroics]

[ Despite the minor (and likely literal) bumps in the road from the trip, Zack overall thought it was a great time! Sure there were some... feelings that may have gotten involved, but in the day being able to spend the day with two people he truly cared for made it all worth it. But even Zack was surprised to see Cloud popping his head into the room, especially after trying to sit in those feelings and let them rest for the night. ]

Huh? [ The man blinks, sitting up from his half tucked position on the bed. ]

Think we went a little overboard? Guess I'm so use to doing that type of hike in my sleep.

[spikyheaded]

Like I said, at least when Aerith's around.

[Cloud lingers by the door, leaning against the frame as they continue the conversation.]

If it were just the two of us, we probably could've done another couple of miles easy.

[That isn't meant to be a diss toward Aerith. It was just something Cloud was used to, and by the looks of it, the same could be said for Zack. And that isn't even accounting for the boost from the mako.]

[theheroics]

[ While it may have sounded like a scolding, the latter half of Cloud's sentence does make Zack perk up a bit. He grins, showing his teeth as he scoots to the end of the bed and throws his legs over the end to sit up. ]

Right!? Could've made it all the way to the top and then some! [ His mako eyes brighten with that enthusiasm while he leans forward. ] Seen the sunset proper from the top.

[ He stops briefly, and with his next breath considers: ]

Maybe next time... it could be just the two of us. Not that I mind having Aerith around 'n all, but it might not be her thing.

[spikyheaded]

[It's not surprising to see Zack all fired up by the prospect of a longer hike. Cloud could practically feel the enthusiasm radiating off of him. And sometimes that energy can be contagious.]

Might as well make it a camping trip, if you want to see the sunset.

[That does sound nice though, just making a day of the entire thing. Cloud shrugs his shoulders slightly, a small smile plastered on his face.]

Sure, why not. It can be our own thing.

[theheroics]

[ It was sometimes a hit or miss for Cloud to agree on things, especially when it came to something Zack was so eager to do. But lately... those "no"s had slowly turned into "maybe"s and slowly, steadily, even more into "yes". ]

Yeah... yeah! [ The ex-SOLDIER's smile widened a bit more at the prospect. An entire camping trip!? Now that sounded fun, and for Cloud to be the one to propose the idea in the first place...

Which is why (perhaps it was on a whim? Maybe it was the excitement or the tiredness. Or maybe it was something he had been wanting to say for a long, long time—) he let's the words slip easily off of his lips. ]

It could be... like a date!

[spikyheaded]

[A surprised noise leaves Cloud's lips, his eyes darting to look at Zack. The smile on his face fades, slowly scrunching up into a confused frown at the suggestion.]

A date? [Zack had come to him just a few months ago, telling him that he and Aerith had finally kissed. From then on, Cloud had assumed that the two of them had gotten together. Or at least had plans to.

So why was he asking this now? And why him?]

Why would it be a date?

[theheroics]

[ ... Oh.

That wasn't expecting the reaction he was hoping for. Sure, Zack had been turned down quite a few times, but this one felt a little different. The subtle change of his expression only runs his own smile a bit more mild, but it remains. He'll keep a bit of chipper weight on his shoulders as he settles into more of a comfortable position before addressing Cloud once again, this time with a little bit of pink to accompany his cheeks.

He feels sheepish all of a sudden, so with a quick pass of a hand through his hair he'll continue. ]

Well, I mean— [ He pauses, feeling the flushed redness of his cheeks creep up a bit more. ]

—Wait, uh. Why don't you sit down for a sec?

[spikyheaded]

[Cloud watches Zack's face journey from where he stands, not sure what to make of it. He shifts in place, digging the ball of his foot onto the floor, debating for a moment if he should just excuse himself. He almost jumps when Zack addresses him once more.

A pregnant pause hangs between them for a moment.]

Sure.

[He pulls out a chair, the same one Zack was on when he wrote that letter to Aerith, the same one everyone had seen. Then, he settles on it, leaning forward on his knees as he faces Zack.]

What's going on?

[theheroics]

[ There's was a brief look of relief when Cloud decided to stay instead of run— that was progress, right? And now that he had fully set the stage there was no time to turn tail and run.

No, it had been too long and too many nights with bottled up feelings to let this moment slip by.

And so just as Cloud settles into a chair does Zack raise from his own. The sudden tension that filled the room left him feeling slightly uneasy, but he will attempt to brush it aside with a quick arm movement, almost like a stretch. Cloud had mentioned before that talking about things like this was unfamiliar to him, so maybe this was just another one of those hurdles they needed to pass over?

Because for so long... so many months of this strange feeling... Zack finally realized what is was. ]

Nothing's wrong. Promise. [ He assures with a half smile, a little smaller than the one he presented just moments ago. ] I just— I've been feeling a lot of things recently... some good, some great, actually!

And alotta of those feelings have to do with you, Spike. [ A nickname. Something he had spoken on a whim and it had caught on. Cloud didn't seem to mind it. It was cute, accurate, and only pushed their friendship a little closer together.

Enough that Zack felt like he could push himself to do something a bit bolder. ]

Like... "want to take you on a date" kind of feelings.

[spikyheaded]

[Cloud had seen Zack restless before. It was hard not to after living together for over a year now. He had always been a ball of energy, needing to find some way to expend it, whether through the jobs that poured in for the both of them, going on walks with Fira, or, if he had no choice, by randomly doing squats out of nowhere. But in all that time, Cloud wasn't sure if he had ever seen him like this. The closest might've been a few months ago when he and Aerith reconnected.

He didn't know what to expect, brushing off Zack's earlier statement as a slip of the tongue. That he hadn't actually meant it or that he blurted it out randomly. Yeah, it could be either of those, right? At least that's what Cloud tells himself until Zack lays it out for him.]

Huh? [Oh. He had meant it.] You wanna—

[A silence hangs in the air as Cloud's words trail off, warmth rushing to his cheeks. Straightening up in his seat, he crosses his arms, looking off to the side. Suddenly he can't meet Zack's gaze.

The words play out in his head over and over, but he can't bring himself to believe it. What was he supposed to feel anyway after hearing that? Sure, he may have been flattered by the thought, but it was conflicted by the feeling of embarrassment, and even more so by confusion.]

What about Aerith?

[He was curious to know Zack's answer, genuinely. But a part of him wasn't ready to hear more. He wasn't ready to accept that Zack had just poured his heart out to him. That Zack might have feelings for him.

Because why would anyone want to date a nobody like him?]

[theheroics]

[ It was difficult to watch Cloud turn his gaze away when he finally finally felt as though he could pour out all of his feelings towards him. It had been something so long overdue— starting from the moment he became friends with Cloud. He knew there was something special about him; a fire that no matter how small refused to extinguish. He was a fighter, a good one too, yet still someone who Zack wanted to protect more than anything. At first those feelings may have been no more than a need to nurture and get him to safety, eventually with more time spent together he couldn't shake away the other thoughts.

But then there was also Aerith.

The question caused Zack to widen his eyes in response, a sudden lack of breath stopping him from speaking.

That's right. They had talked about her and what happened in the cafe. There was no denying his affection (both inward and outward with how much he talks about her), so blurting this all out right now probably would be confusing. But still— ]

You know Aerith means everything to me. [ He begins, trying to push forward his best grin all while taking a step forward. He wanted to let Cloud know that he was here. That he wasn't going to run away and that he was determined to express himself. ]

But you— you do, too. I can't really explain it or when it all started but when I look at you? [ He chuckles under his breath, feeling the warm in his cheeks grow brighter. ] You make me feel like I can do anything!

[ Zack feels himself getting a little bolder, and as he approaches the blonde he'll reach forward in attempt to take his hand. ]

I... I really like you, Cloud. Like a lot.

[spikyheaded]

[A million thoughts ran through Cloud's mind: What? Was the answer that simple? That Zack liked both him and Aerith? How long had he been feeling this about him anyway? About the both of them? Was he really so oblivious to Zack's feelings never to have noticed before?

Once a thought formed, another would immediately follow, only adding to his confusion. But a single thought stuck out: How was he supposed to react to that?

Cloud had never been confessed to before. As a child, other kids his age avoided him and even if he wished that Tifa would look his way, he always turned away when she did, choosing to ignore her instead. While working for Shinra, he didn't have the luxury of making friends too busy making his way up the ladder to join the ranks of SOLDIER. After which, he ended up running into Tifa in Sector 7, helping Avalanche, and hunting Sephiroth down. What was happening to him right now was completely uncharted territory.

He hears Zack before he feels him, his hand reaching out for his. Zack's fingers brush against his skin, the gesture soft and gentle. This had happened to them before in passing when they reached for the same thing over a meal or whenever they handed something off to one another. Cloud never minded it then, never thought twice.

But this time, his first instinct is to pull his hand away as if he had felt a prick of electricity, standing to his full height in the same motion. The chair scrapes against the floor and falls, clattering onto the floor.

Things were different now.

Cloud's arm hangs in the air as he holds Zack's gaze, his eyes wide and questioning. A moment later, he drops it to his side and slowly clenches his hands into fists, his knuckles turning white as his nails dig into his palms.] 

I don't know what you want me to say.

[theheroics]

[ Never in Zack's life did the sound of a chair falling sound so deafening.

He paused. Hands frozen in an outstretched position with fingers half curled— reaching— only to grasp at nothing. Cloud had pulled away and along with himself did all of the air out of the ex-SOLDIER's lungs.

Rejection was one thing... but this? This sudden, almost scared animal instinct of retreat cause his blood to go cold. He felt his muscles tense, then ache. An ache so unbearable that when he finally was able to pull his eyes upward to look into Cloud's face it was almost too difficult to look at. Then there was that reply... ]

—Something? Anything?

[ His own hands retreat to his side to mimic the clenched fists. ]

Look. It wasn't some kind of decision that just popped out of nowhere. This isn't something I rushed into. [ He was bold. Ambitious. Spontaneous. And although the words may have come out exactly in the matter as was his usual nature, the seeds had been planted for a long time.

It was only until now that they decided to bloom. ]

It's something I've been feeling for a long time now, and... only until recently figured out what it all meant.

[ His emotions were getting the best of him. He couldn't stop now. ]

So you don't have to feel the same, but you also don't need to act like I'm scaring you away!

[spikyheaded]

[A gasp left Cloud's lips, sounding somewhere between surprise and realization. Zack wasn't wrong. What he'd done was a kneejerk reaction and he hadn't realized how it might've come off to Zack.

It wasn't that Cloud disliked him. It was the opposite of that, really. He enjoyed Zack's company, more than he thought he would when they first decided to room together. Zack was there while he navigated his feelings about Tifa being married to someone else, he was there when a noctaere took on the form of Sephiroth and fought together with him, and was there to start a business with to keep them busy. It was even Zack who stayed by his side after he had fallen into a week-long coma.

Shiva, he really was oblivious, wasn't he?]

Sorry, I— [I what? He shakes his head.] Sorry...

[A part of him still wishes he had left instead of entertaining this before he knew what this was going to be. But he was here now and he had to deal with it.

If there was one thing Cloud could admit to himself right now, it was that he didn't know how to feel. He'd never thought of Zack as anything more than a friend before. Thinking about him in a romantic sense had never crossed his mind before this moment. It was something that he would need some time on. And there was still a matter of Aerith and Zack. Where did the two of them stand now, especially now that he knows this? Knows of Zack's feelings toward him.

The tension in Cloud's shoulders eased as he let out a long and deep exhale. His hands unclench, but he still feels where his nails dug into his palm, small crescent-shaped marks left in its wake.]

Does Aerith know?

[theheroics]

[ Zack could feel the uneasy raise of heat in his blood as he clenched his fists harder, attempting to push down any sudden or negative feeling that threatened to wash over him. He couldn't loose his cool or go too far into a defensive mode, not with the possibility of actually scaring Cloud away. Yet with that simple apology, he knew Cloud had taken his words to heart.

His own shoulders relaxed as hands fell limp to either side. As then, quietly, a sudden half chuckle brushed across his lips. ]

Heh. Knowing her? Probably figured it out faster than I did.

[ She was beyond witty, and smarter than any person he's ever known. ]

But I'm not planning on keep it a secret from her. I just— [ Damn. Feelings were just so complicated. ] —time changes people, I guess.

[ He still cared for Aerith, deeply, and those romantic feelings never went away even after all of these years. Their kiss had proven that even more. She was the main reason he wanted to make it back to Midgar in the first place. Why he fought so hard and pushed his body to the limits all for a chance to be free. Yet, thinking back on it, he had the desire to see that Cloud was protected and safe, too. Maybe something had sparked back then, but the more and more their friendship grew, the more Zack was beginning to understand where the butterflies came from.

Yet therein lies the problem. Was it truly possible to have these feelings for two people at the same time? That was likely the question that was eating Cloud alive, too. ]

[spikyheaded]

[The tips of Cloud's ears turn a light pink as he looks away. Somehow, knowing that Aerith might've figured out Zack's feelings before either of them made things all the more embarrassing.

But did her knowing actually make the situation any easier?]

Look, Zack, I— [Still he couldn't find the words, no matter how hard he searched for them. Sure, his heart might've skipped a beat when Zack poured out his feelings to him. But did he think of Zack the same way too? Hadn't that been simply because of the shock?

Time. Time is something he needs right now. He might have to stall, at least until he takes things into consideration.]

Maybe it's good if you figure things out with her first. Especially when...

[He catches himself, wondering if he was overstepping. Cloud had never been one to stick his nose in other people's business. But he couldn't help but wonder, a nagging thought tugging at his subconscious. Zack had said he hadn't seen Aerith for a while before her arrival, didn't he? Then where had he been the whole time? But he decides to remind him that this wasn't any of his business.]

Forget it.

[He shifts his weight where he stands. His arms cross over his chest once again, hands gripping tightly on his biceps. It's almost as if he's creating some sort of barrier to protect himself.]

[theheroics]

[ Zack was never one to live with regrets. He took every opportunity presented to him and sometimes (or most of the time) rushed in without thinking. He never wanted to live a life where he could say "I didn't try that" and so making bold moves like this came with the territory. However, as he'd come to realize, that emotions and actions were two very different things. He could easily run towards a bullet than he could this conversation. But what's done was done, and Zack wasn't going to regret this decision to confess... not when it was practically eating him from the inside out.

Yet now that the initial feelings had flown out of him and the dust around him was settling... was this really the right choice? He'll study Cloud's movements and reactions for a little longer, but eventually the smile he had tried so desperately to maintain had slowly slipped away. ]

Hey. Don't close up on me, now. [ Zack interjects when the blond fails to continue. He'll step back a few inches to give the man his space that it looked like he so desperately needed before continuing. ]

I've spilt my guts out, so if there's something you wanna say... then say it. [ He could take it. Probably. ]

[spikyheaded]

[Between the confession and the questions that began popping up in his head, Cloud found it hard to keep his attention on Zack. His eyes flit to the other man, barely raising his head as his shoulders tensed.]

Where were you?

[He knew that SOLDIER assignments kept people from going home or keeping in contact at times. But five years was a long time, even for the most sensitive of assignments. Staying no contact for that long was something expected from the Turks, not so much SOLDIER.

And so Cloud finds it hard to believe that Zack would've just up and left someone he cared about. Their last year of friendship has proven that wasn't something Zack was capable of. So, surely he had a good reason for it.]

You told me you hadn't seen her in five years. What happened then anyway?

[Maybe he was overstepping. Maybe it was curiosity. Maybe this was his way of protecting Aerith, wanting to know that Zack would do good by her before anything else. Maybe it was his way of avoiding dealing with this situation he's found himself in.

Maybe it was all of the above.]

[theheroics]

[ .......

"Where were you?"

The words struck Zack like a shivering lightening bolt. Planting his feet hard on the ground and the chills down his spine presenting itself as bumps along his forearms.

He had learned that any piece of information pertaining to the past had only caused Cloud grief in the form of headaches or more. The past wasn't something he wanted to revisit. He didn't want to talk about this with Cloud. He couldn't—

And so the ex-SOLDIER grew deathly silent. He dropped his gaze, finding anywhere but the other to be more interesting. His hands fidgeted, his body tensed, and as his head ducked down Zack simply resigns to shaking it back and forth. ]

That's— [ He begins, finding the words aren't coming as easy as before. His throat feels so dry all of a sudden.

He did have an explanation, and a good one at that. but now he was caught between telling his truth, or hurting Cloud in the process.

...

He wasn't going to hurt Cloud. Not ever again. ]

—That's none of your business. [ He didn't mean for it to come out as harsh, but if he needed to play the villain here.... then so be it. ]

[spikyheaded]

[The tone in Zack's voice takes Cloud by surprise. He tries to recall a time that Zack had ever been that sharp in the year they'd known each other and nothing comes to mind. Where was this coming from?

And what was Zack doing during that time that he didn't want to talk about? It wasn't as if he had to keep Shinra's secrets anymore if it involved them. Neither of them was beholden to the company anymore.]

You're the one who asked me to spill, and now you're clamming up?

[His grip on his arms tightens, his body tensing even more. All he could do now was match Zack's energy, his tone nearly identical to his—pointed, cold, and harsh.]

[theheroics]

[ There were still clearly pieces of the past that were missing from Cloud's memory, and given that every time Zack would bring it back up the headaches would follow... it wasn't a good combination.

He hated avoided the subject. But wasn't Cloud already uncomfortable enough as it was? The last thing he needed was actual pain involved in all of this.

So yes. Zack keeps his lips sealed with a visible bite of his lower lip. ]

I don't wanna [ can't ] talk about it right now!

[ The energies seem to be lining up in the room. It grew more tense, dark, and the distance Zack grew from Cloud only increased when he takes a solid step backwards.

He huffs, almost as if he was exasperated with Cloud... when really it was with himself. ] Just leave it alone, alright!?

[spikyheaded]

[To say that you could cut the tension in the room with a knife would be an understatement. The air felt thick, making the distance between them even more pronounced.

With his brows furrowing together, Cloud glared daggers at the other ex-SOLDIER. Wondering what he was keeping hidden, what made it feel like he couldn't be trusted.

It was odd, having the tables turned like this. Usually, it was him who was tight-lipped about things. About gaps in his past that he couldn't fill or things he knew about that he couldn't explain. Zack, on the other hand, had always been an open book.

The only reason he pushed was because he wondered what this confession meant for the both of them. Three of them really, considering Aerith. Even if it was Zack, he didn't want her getting hurt. But he didn't seem like he getting it out of Zack. Not tonight.

Cloud doesn't bother to mask an audible sigh as he tears his gaze away from Zack.]

Fine.

[And with that single word, Cloud turns on his heel, arms falling to his side as he makes his way towards the door.]

[theheroics]

[ Zack can hear the movement of Cloud's footsteps as he turns to walk away and wants nothing more than to desperately stop him from doing so.

But he just made a mess of everything, didn't he? There was no way to recover from this night without telling Cloud the truth, and that wasn't something he was willing to share right now. He didn't want Cloud to know the truth, not yet, and certainly not like this.

So it takes every ounce of strength that Zack has not to move. To keep his fists closed and his head down even as he felt the shooting glares from the blonde. The only way he can prevent himself from looking is to turn away completely, as he finally wills himself to do, back cold and distant. ]

Fine. [ He repeats. The words like venom on the tip of his tongue.

He felt sick to his stomach, and the single word leaving his mouth made him want to vomit. The entire conversation had turned out to be a disaster, and it was all his fault. ]

Dammit—! [ The curse whispered under his breath as Zack moves towards the outside door for some air.

He's sorry Cloud... he's so sorry. He'll apologize and try to make it up to him soon, but right now... ]

[spikyheaded]

[Once Cloud finds himself in the privacy of his room, he leans his forehead against the door. He replayed the conversation he'd just had in his head if you could even call it a conversation. Regardless, all the questions that raced through his mind could be encompassed into a single question: Just what was all that?

Did Zack really just confess his feelings to him? How did Aerith fit into all this? If she did know as Zack surmised, what did she think about everything?

And, finally, what was it that Zack was hiding from him? From all of them?

This was all too much to deal with after a day like today. For now, he should head to sleep. Or at least attempt it. Gaia knows it'll be a while before slumber takes him tonight.

Lying down, he curls to his side, willing the ache and tiredness from the hike and everything else that had transpired to take him for the night. Little did he know how likely that wish would be granted.

Come morning Cloud doesn't leave his room. Nor does he make himself known for the rest of the day. At some point, Fira scratches at his door, letting out a long and sad whine, somehow knowing that the blond was no longer inside and no longer the land of dreams.]