closed ⚡🌠 can we come back from this

[starshower]

Who: Eustace & Tifa
Which: Closed log
Where: Their treehouse, corgi tree, maybe some other places
What: After Eustace's Noctaere episode, he and Tifa try to put their relationship back together.
Warnings: Trauma, lots of sads, and then probably gross fluff after.


[It had been a struggle even getting home. After they and the others had arrived at Ori's home together, it was at Tifa's insistence that she and Eustace go back to theirs. For as grateful and appreciative as she was for all their help in saving the both of them, there are some things that Tifa would rather they be alone for, and this... whatever this is, is one of them. Never mind the guilt that she feels for having been the one to put them all through it—Eustace can argue with her all he likes, and they can all contend that they shouldn't feel that way, that none of it was her fault, but ever since she woke up from her weakened and frozen state, Tifa couldn't look any one of them in the eye.

Including Eustace.

Even as she walks with their arms slung around each other for support with Eria at their side, the journey home is silent. Only the stirrings of dawn can be heard—the birds that chirp in the canopies, the sound of dew dripping from the leaves, but nothing is quite so loud as their staggered footsteps, or her heart beating wildly in her chest, and her blood roaring in her ears.

Tifa tries to keep her anxiety to a minimum, tries to keep her thoughts straight, but all she can see are the claws of those lindworms as they came down to strike, and their scales that shimmered as they slithered around her. All she can hear are his desperate cries, and the sound of ice and electricity crackling as her vision darkened and her consciousness had begun to fade... She remembers the chill, the grips of death when it threatened to consume her, how cold his fingers were as they brushed against her face. The red in his eyes...

And then when she woke and saw the destruction he'd left behind. Saw her friends bruised and battered from battle. Saw him like that...

The thought is cut short by a sharp breath when they finally arrive at the foot of the stairs leading up to their home, her boot bumping against them when she hadn't been paying attention. The climb up is as dreadful as everything else had been, and she can feel the heat under her boots, the fires that try to claw their way out of the cage she tries to lock them in, to struggle against the trail of ice that forms in their wake. Even the tree's branches and leaves shudder as they walk through the front door, the flowers that decorate their tree that were once bright and vibrant freezing over and shriveling up, dying without a fighting chance.

It isn't until they're safely inside that Tifa so much as looks at him for the first time since they were at Ori's. Perhaps even before. Really looks at him. He's bruised and cut up, and he looks more tired than she's ever seen him.

Her hands fold together as she skirts her gaze away again, down to where she tries to stop her fingers from trembling when she bites back the urge to sob.

Tifa wants to say something, but... what is she even supposed to say? What can she say right now that would make this easier for both of them? She searches and searches her mind for an answer to the question that's been wracking her since they left the cliffside, but she's still coming up short of nothing.

Eria trots over and nudges Tifa with her nose, as if to encourage her to say something to break this tense silence before it all snaps. So, she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind in a voice so tiny that she's not even sure she's said anything at all, and it crackles, as if this is the first time she's ever spoken a word in her life. It certainly feels that way right now.]

... Do you want to get cleaned up first?

[First.

She kicks herself for it. Any other day and she would have suggested together, but her fear—not of him, but fear for them—is getting the better of her, and maybe that's for the best.]

Comments

[flamekthunder]

It won't.

[His voice strengthens as he looks at her, his eyes filled with the same trust and resolve she holds for him.]

Keep the idea of it healing me in mind, let your emotions guide you.

[He then hesitantly brushes his muzzle against her, the blackened scales shimmering silver as if it were just soot rubbing away.]

...I believe in you.

[starshower]

[Her hands come up to his face when he bumps it up against her, and she watches, mesmerized, as the black scales ripple silver, and he'll feel her warmth grow between them as she lets her fingertips graze over the ashen scales.

"I believe in you."

He always does, doesn't he? Not that she ever doubted him but hearing him say it now... it helps.

Tifa breathes in, her breath trembling, and as she exhales, she lowers her head until it's resting on his—on the lindwurm's.]

If it starts to hurt, tell me...

[She heeds his words and focuses on wanting to heal him and bring him back, to take away this skin so that she can hold him with him in his own. So that she can feel his warmth as he wraps his arms around her and holds her close...]

I love you... I believe in you, too...

[The fire erupts from her hands and spreads over him, enveloping him like a blanket, but rather than feel like they burn, it will feel more like an embrace...

And she prays that this will work...]

[flamekthunder]

[He closes his eyes, wanting the same thing as much if not more. To finally hold her, to feel her warmth, her breath, her heart. For her image to erase the monstrosities he's had to face in this nightmare.

And then he feels her—her flames. That warmth is almost ticklish and he can feel its embrace. Her embrace. Despite being wrapped in this icy darkness, he can feel her warmth penetrating through it, as if its her own arms wrapped around him. Her flames drive back some of that darkness both outside on the scales and the darkness that holds him trapped within. And for a moment he loses himself in it—until he feels that stabbing pain again. He doesn't know what this is, but he can no longer let it do as it pleases. With Tifa giving him strength, he gathers his own feelings.

Anger. Grief. Fear. Hatred. These are emotions that had iced his heart before, had once dominated him that helped him on his path. Eventually he decided to repress them so that he could keep his cool, though that led to crippling him as he didn't want to express them and have it hinder his judgment. Now the opposite has happened, those emotions overwhelming him.

But he has something else now. Joy, hope, peace—love.

He can't give them up. Nor can he get rid of those negative emotions, either. Instead, he has to grab them just like he managed to grab the lindwurm and turn it to his own will.

Lightning crackles around him once more, the thunder clouds above booming loudly as bolts strike down to the earth. But they look a bit different. There's a reddish tint to them, as if on fire, and where they land the ground clears itself of the ash and blood. And inside, Eustace grits his teeth as the red lightning encircles around him, ripping away at the remaining darkness and shadows. He can feel his arms and legs become free until at last it all burns away.

For a brief moment, Tifa will see the lindwurm a beautiful white silver before it crumbles away to white, ashen snow. It blows away like a storm, leaving Eustace on his arms and knees on the ground, gasping.

However.

A grotesque skeletal creature clings onto him, trapping him like a parasite. Its ribs wrap around his torso, digging into his chest like a cage; its spine stabs along his back, as if crushed into it; and its fangs bite down on his neck, blood trickling down. Long, black, matted hair sticks out from its skull, an ominous red glow in its empty sockets as a voice repeats almost mechanically close to his ear:

...You're hurting me...

...You're hurting me...

...You're hurting me...]

[starshower]

[It all happens so fast, and yet... not fast enough. Tifa's eyes are closed through the whole thing as she hopes with every fiber of her being that this will work, but they snap open when she's startled by the crackle and crash of lightning and the booming of the thunder rolling over their heads. She doesn't fall back, however, no matter how hot it starts to burn around them, and no matter how warm the fire starts to get, her own emotions getting the better of her when she starts to wonder if this is even working—

She isn't sure if she's hallucinating, but the white, magnificent beast before her melts away, dissolving in the wind and the flames before she can truly take it in or understand what's happening, and it's all gone before it's replaced with a horrific sight.

Tifa sees him—Eustace—in front of her in the flesh, his white hair draping over his face as he struggles for air, and she rushes to him only to be thrown back by the skeleton that clings to his body and sinks itself into his skin.]

What—!?

[She knows better than to panic, and that it's the last thing that Eustace needs right now, but what else is she supposed to do when she sees it? She recognizes the black hair, the red eyes, the way it draws blood from his throat the same way he had done...

But it doesn't stop her from going to him and breaking the bones apart—or trying to snap them away, using the heat of the fire to help her in any way that she can to free him from this cage.]

[flamekthunder]

[He screams in agony when the bones are forcibly ripped away from him, tearing through his skin and clothes—but he strangely, it doesn't actually hurt as it should. If anything what he feels is...

Relief.

As if Tifa breaking this ghost is also breaking this burden away from him.

The skeleton doesn't fight back, and so when the last set of bones snap free—the jaws that dig into his neck—it all crumbles and burn into ash from her fire before, like everything else, it all disappears into the smokey wind. With it gone, Eustace finally collapses to the ground, unmoving but breathing—barely.]

[starshower]

[Tifa doesn't shout, doesn't cry out in the stillness of the air. Instead, as Eustace collapses, she silently catches him with whispers of reassurances and promises, and she lays his head to rest on her lap while she leans over him, black hair draping around them like a curtain meant to hide the things she's saying.

She repeats them over and over, hoping that he'll still be able to hear them. Whispers of I love you's, promises that it will be okay, that she will take him home where they can rest and be together, that they will get through this... They are all things that she fervently believes in, and things that, after what she has seen tonight in this nightmare, she's sure of even more.

It tried to frighten her, tried to keep her away from him, but she had pulled through somehow... For him. If there's anything that could prove that they were stronger than they think, it's all this right here. It's him laying on her lap and in her arms, and Tifa being here to hold him in the end.

Cradling him in her arms, she looks down at him, and tears spill from her eyes again. Or they never stopped. But it's an overwhelming mix of guilt, relief, and sadness... He looks so tired and worn and he's barely breathing, his skin bloodied from the marks that skeleton left on his neck...

She wishes she could make it all stop.

Make it all go away.

So, with that wish sealed up on her lips, she leans forward until she can press a kiss to his. It's a gentle brush, tender and sweet and longing, but there's desperation there, too.

As if she were trying to pass on that wish to him so that he knows to come back to her...]

[flamekthunder]

[With the weight of everything gone, Eustace is fully prepared to just let his consciousness go and wake up as is. But then he hears Tifa's crying, her pleas for him to come back. Her whispers of love, her promises to him...

Her kiss.

It's enough to rouse him.

Enough for him to slowly reach a worn out hand to first gently touch her cheek before he's kissing her back. With it he pours out every single emotion he has for her, his gratefulness that she's here...

And with that kiss, the thunder clouds part to reveal a clear blue sky and a warm sun that shines down on the two. A strong burst of wind soon follows, exploding from where they rest and carrying flowers that suddenly filling the area like a wave. It washes over them, flooding over the once barren land as brilliant blue and white starflowers bloom and flourish around to look exactly like the fields before.

But he doesn't pay much attention to it.

Doesn't notice how all their wounds, the dirt, blood, and grime have disappeared.

Instead, once the winds calm and the petals slowly drift around them he pulls back just enough to brush his thumb over her tears and give her a soft smile.]

...You found me.

[starshower]

[She feels the wind and the warmth of the sun suddenly beaming down on them, but besides that acknowledgement that something has changed, she pays it no mind when he kisses her. The scent of starflowers swirls in the air around them, and their petals tickle her cheeks as they brush up against her skin to get caught in her hair, and Tifa feels herself smiling against his lips, and then that smile turns to a laugh so happy, so relieved that it bubbles over, and she can no longer keep it in.

He pulls away, and when Tifa opens her eyes, her tears drop over his face, but he wipes them away the same way he always does for her, and the laugh she huffs out this time rides out on a small sob once she sees that he's okay.]

... I found you.

[If the sun could smile, it would look exactly like Tifa's when she looks at him.

She can't help herself, so she kisses him again and again, her hand cradling the back of his head so that he's closer to her. Even as she pulls back, she doesn't let him leave the spot where he's tucked away against her chest, and her arms wrap around him in an embrace. She just wants to hold him...]

You did it.

[flamekthunder]

[He slowly sits up, feeling strength returning to him as he leans further into her and into the kiss, his hand never leaving her cheek as he keeps her close as much as she keeps him.]

No... We did it.

[His nose brushes against hers as a soft sigh escapes his lips.]

I needed you there...and here now.

[starshower]

[If this were a day ago, she might have argued that it was all him who had done it, and while he had done most of the heavy lifting, and she had simply nudged him in the right direction, she does like the sound of 'we'... That they worked as a team together to overcome all of this for once...

She nuzzles her nose with his in return, and her cheeks are already hurting from smiling.]

I'm here... I always will be...

[Her hand comes up to rest against his cheek, and a petal flutters onto his face from her hair as she pulls back to gaze at him.]

I'm proud of you. I knew that there would be another way, and that you... we could do it.

[flamekthunder]

Mm...

[A soft smile in return, that warmth so overwhelming he can barely stand it. But in a good way. If he had to be suffocated by some emotion, he'd rather it be this. And then he laughs a little.]

What is that old adage...always listen to your wife?

[A light twinkle in his eyes.]

[starshower]

[She thumps a fist lightly and playfully against his chest with a laugh.]

And you're only listening to it now?

[She kids, and the spark that reflects back at him in her eyes says as much before she's finally looking out to the fields surrounding them, and the flowers dance in the breeze like they're waving to her. It's hard to believe that this was a nightmare only moment's ago with the way the starflowers stretch on further than what she can see, and how the sun shines just right on his face.]

... This is beautiful... Is this what you see when we're together?

[flamekthunder]

[Another small laugh as he just nuzzles her affectionately, briefly closing his eyes as he rests his head against her neck before they open to stare out with her.]

...Yeah. I was dreaming of something like this before...

[It changed into that hellscape.]

...You've become my sanctuary.

[A safe, secret place that he can just let himself be and forget everything else. His dream...]

[starshower]

[Something swells in Tifa's chest, and she feels her heart could burst into fireworks. She swears that she sees more flowers crop up in the corner of her eye, more maybe they're just spreading their petals wider, opening up and stretching to the warmth of the sun.

His sanctuary...

And this place is it.

It's the complete, truest manifestation of his feelings for her, and it's more beautiful than anything she's ever imagined. It's not something that can be put into words, nor is there anything that she can say that will convey what that means to her... what this beautiful place means to her, so first, she simply settles for leaning down to kiss him again.]

I saw it... [she says against his lips.] The flower field from before...

[No... Tifa shakes her head.]

This one. Could be that it never left at all.

[flamekthunder]

Mm... Maybe so.

[A soft if tired sigh as he leans his head against hers as he closes his eyes.]

...I'm glad we were able to save it...

[This special warm place in his heart. There are other pockets here and there, but... This was part of the place from before...from the dream when she entered of his past. The field beyond the closed window, the one he had been afraid to open. It had grown and developed into its own special place, not many frozen places left in his heart that's now become so full of warmth and love. Not just for her, but for all the friends and allies he's made as well.

It's a shame Gran, Lyria, Vyrn, and the others aren't around... He wishes a little that he could show them, show them how much he's changed and grown since that ordeal with the moon, and show them this special, beautiful person who managed to capture and melt his heart like this. It all just seems so long ago now...

But that is why this place is so special to him, and probably why it has become a prime target for his nightmares. As much as Tifa gives him strength, it's hard to deny she is his greatest weakness as well. But he needs just to build around it and protect it while drawing on it, too. Things he's said to her and others, yet not following his own words... Hah.

He knows it will happen again. He can still feel the nightmare that dwells with him, and likely will never go away. But perhaps next time he really will be more prepared.

With his arms wrapped around her waist, Eustace finds her lips and whispers softly against them.]

I love you, Tifa. Thank you... For loving me and being here. [A sweet kiss.] For always saving me.

[starshower]

Always...

[He should know by now that the word means everything. That she will always love him, always be there for him, and will always save him, and the kiss that she offers says it all, too, that she doesn't even need to voice it for him to know.

And among the blue starflowers, there are red ones that begin to bloom. They have always been blue or white, or sometimes yellow, but the red ones are so rare that she can't remember if she's ever seen them before, but their glow is bright and vibrant that even under the blinding light of the sun, they still shine, and maybe even twinkle like stars have been scattered through the field.

Tifa lifts her head to look, and she very carefully plucks one of them from the ground to show him.]

Are these new?

[flamekthunder]

[He looks at the red flowers curiously.]

Hm... I think so.

[He gently takes the flower, holds it up to her eyes before he smiles and tucks it in her hair behind her ear.]

Reminds me of you.

[starshower]

[She caresses the flower, its silky petals rippling with sparkles as soon as her fingers touch it tucked behind her ear, and she'll grab another so that she can do the same for him, although that never does work quite as well. It doesn't stay up there long at all and flutters back into the flowerbed.]

You think we can make them back home, too? I kind of like them... They look nice against the blue.

[flamekthunder]

[He can't help but laugh a bit at her attempts, personally thinking she looks better with it, anyway.]

Probably.

[He gently brushes her hair.]

...A symbol of our growth together.

[starshower]

Mm.

[She pictures a bouquet of them—most of them blue or white like the ones in this field, but hidden within, she sees the bolder red dotting the softer pastels... And as that image expands, she sees the same white dress and veil that's burned into one of her petals she keeps tucked away in a box in her nightstand at home, and she's reminded to tuck this memory away with it as well.

Something to come back to later.

Quietly, Tifa shifts, rustling the flowers a bit with her movements until she no longer has him on her lap but she's lying in the bed next to him, her arms still circled around his neck.]

... Think we should wake up soon?

[flamekthunder]

...No.

[He adjusts when she moves and now faces her, his hand still resting lightly against the side of her face.]

...I'd rather we just sleep here and wake up when it's morning.

[Is it morning yet? He doesn't know. What he does know is... He would rather stay in this dream like this until the dawn rises and they naturally wake up. Let them have a peaceful dream now, get that much needed rest.]

[starshower]

[She smiles.]

Okay.

[Whatever he wants, whatever he needs, she will give it to him. It's not as if she was in any hurry to wake up from this, but there is that ever-lingering fear in the back of her mind—far, far back—that things could take a turn. Though, as she looks at him surrounded by the flowers and the blue skies above, she realizes that she has nothing to worry about.

Tifa moves closer until her body is flush and molded against his, but she's careful not to disturb the flower that's tucked into her hair.]

We can stay here, but if I start to wake up, promise you'll come with me?

[flamekthunder]

[A soft smile as he wraps his arms close around her.]

I promise.

[He wouldn't want to be in this dream without her, anyway.]

[starshower]

[He won't need to worry about making good on that promise. Not tonight, anyway. They'll stay there in the field for the rest of it, sleeping in the flowers as peacefully as they do in their bed, the other helping to keep the nightmares at bay. It's only when the sunlight begins to peek through the windows of their tree that Tifa rouses in the dream to gently shake him awake and warn him that she's about to be pulled back so that he could come with her... and they can wake up together in the warmth of their bed late the next morning.

In the days that follow, the nightmares still come and go, but they become less frequent and easier to get through, whether it's Eustace or Tifa that has them. It's always the same thing—the red-eyed abomination taunting her, the visions of her and their friends encased in ice in that cave, but it always ends the same, too... They always find their way back to each other, reuniting in that field of starflowers.

Their control over these dreams strengthens too, and it's Eustace's suggestion that next week that it would be Tifa's turn to confront her fear of the lindwurm and put it to bed. With that particular nightmare mostly vanquished, he can easily slip into that silver lindwurm's skin within the dream for her, and rather than fear it, Tifa's learned to embrace it.

They spar together, teaching Tifa ways to defend against their attacks and in turn, fight back against them. He's even able to create nightmarish versions of himself for her to properly fight against, and each time, that gets easier too. She's not sure that her fear of them will ever fully go away, but that isn't the way things should be. He teaches her, instead, to look at that fear within and turn it around to use as strength—something to power her attacks and move her forward rather than freeze her in place.

Once that's all over, he offers her rides on his back and they sweep over the flower fields, and she learns from so high up that they really do stretch on for eternity. He swoops downward, purposefully kicking up the petals so that they swirl around them, and Tifa lays on his back as they soar through the skies, and she's always so mesmerized by how the silver scales shimmer under the never-ending sun.

And before it's time to wake up, the two of them lay in the bed of flowers together, the lindwurm's muzzle bumping up against her so that she can rest on him with his body coiled protectively around hers.

Those are the dreams that Tifa will cherish.

That first week flies by rather quickly. Their friends come and go, and that is the hardest part of it all, as the guilt that she's tried to force down all comes rushing back with every single person that shows up at their door, but everything is going to be okay. She trusts in her friends, and in Eustace, and being able to confront them all after having some time to cool off helps. What she needs most is time, but Tifa has already started to bounce back from it.

The dogs have been spending more time around them too, and Eria is always quick to shoo all of them, as well as herself and Clover, out of the house when they prefer some alone time—which has become a more frequent thing, too. But for Tifa, she's not sure she's ever loved him more than she does now, so it's hard to resist when he smiles across the room at her, or when he slips his hands around her waist. She hardly lets him out of her sight or out of her reach, but this is the exact thing that they needed: time.

Time to spend together to heal their hearts, and time to confront their fears at each other's sides. It will take a little bit more, but they are moving in the right direction, and as long as they continue to do it all together, she knows that it will be no time at all before they're back to their usual routine.

Not that this is such a bad thing, either. She kind of prefers it.

It's near the start of the second week that things have started to feel... somewhat normal again. Eustace will be woken to the smell of pancakes, bacon, and coffee bright and early one morning after another lindwurm session in the flowery dreamscape. The sun is barely rising by the time Tifa is in the kitchen whipping them up their breakfast, but she knows that it's only a matter of time before the smell will wake him...]

[flamekthunder]

[It takes Eustace a some time to really get a full grip of the nightmares that plague him. Especially when in the morning he would stare in the mirror and see a slightly different face staring back at him, one with red eyes and a slight smug look on his face, the frost and dark shadows seeping from the skin. Each time he wants to punch it, but since they only recently replaced this mirror, he just digs his nails into his palms and repeats to himself: This isn't me. It may exist within me...but it's not me. At times he can't see the difference, but he eventually does bit by bit. And their dream sessions help.

Although at first harrowing and harsh, their sessions are more cathartic than he realizes. Before when he feels the darkness and chill seeping in and hears that voice whispering in his ears, he would tense up and be on the defense, and that's actually been his downfall. He realizes now that instead of trying to put up walls and try to avoid it, he needs to take it head on. Now he only turns to the coldness and darkness, look at that nightmare self straight in the eye...and walks past it to go where Tifa is waiting for him. He'll need to do more later, but...before he tries to really accept it, he needs more information and speak with those with experience. He'd rather know the risks before taking that final step.

In the meantime, although wary at first as he watches how Tifa reacts to him as a lindwurm, having her fight him helps alleviate the guilt he's been carrying for so long. It might just be a spar, but in a way it feels like he's finally receiving some kind of punishment for what he did to her. It's not her intention, and perhaps he's being a bit selfish using a session that's meant for her, but every hit landed is also a hit that beats away that burden and clears his conscience little by little so that it's no longer such an overbearing weight. This is especially so when he dares to create those nightmareish versions, where he's also taking a risk in tapping into the nightmare energy and keeping control over it. This, too, becomes an exercise for him, to work on not giving into those voices and emotions, and if he does start swaying too much Tifa is there to bring him back.

And now, while it will never completely go away, he feels more comfortable in handling it. Feels more in control...and feels he can finally move on from that guilt. He will always feel regretful, but at least right now, he no longer feels so much burden that it will haunt him to the point of crippling him. Now when he looks at Tifa, watches her either awake or in a dream, the twinge of remorse no longer lingers and he can just reach out to her with a lighter heart. And with all the love in the world he has for her and more.

Never again does he want to put them back in this place, so he once again renews his resolve to take control and strengthen his heart; a heart that was once shattered to the point it seemed impossible to fix, but now has been brought back whole.


That morning, he had opted to sleep a little longer after the initial waking, only rousing long enough to sense Tifa getting up before falling back to a more dreamless sleep. As peaceful as they end, it does take a bit of effort for him to use that much dreamotion, and along with everything else they do as well as the toll everything had taken on him over the past few days, it's no surprise that his body has finally decided that it can actually rest. He'll only really wake up when that delicious smell of breakfast starts to form the images in his mind.

After a brief wash up and putting on some pants, he shuffles out of their room and ambles his way towards her. With his ears slightly drooped and his eyes half lidded, he reaches Tifa and just lazily wraps his arms around her, head immediately falling over her shoulder as he mumbles a sleepy morning greeting.]