songerein | [closed] you were like a ray of sunlight

[Sora had talked about how he looked like he hadn't slept in forever, and they had both hoped that he could actually catch some rest here. but he couldn't. there was still too much that he's trying to filter out and absorb that it sent his thoughts racing, even through any old tricks he had to help himself fall asleep.

he finally got tired of staring at the ceiling, so he threw his sheets off and walked outside of his treehouse. his eyes adjusted to the darkness quickly, and he sat down at the lip of the house, legs dangling to the ground below.

at least if he was watching the night sky with that breeze on his face, it'd beat looking at a ceiling.]

[It's been such a whirlwind since Riku appeared and Sora is completely over the moon about it. After years of not seeing him, it's really left a terrible ache in Sora's heart. And while he'd made other friends and more nothing ever replaces the spot that Riku has in his heart. It's Riku. It's always Riku.

So now that he's here? Sora's mind is racing! He has so much more to say and so much more he wants to talk about... He could talk Riku's ear off for hours and hours. And that's the only thing he wants to do. He wants that chance.

That's why Sora sneaks out will his own pillow in his arms and makes his way to Riku's side. Seeing the other boy there already makes him smile.]

Hey, Riku! Can't sleep again? I told you, you're gonna turn to dust if you don't sleep.

[But here comes Sora to sit with him where he is. Easy as they did when they were little.]

[Riku jumps a little when he hears Sora's voice. he looks up to see his best friend, raising an eyebrow as he sits down next to him with the pillow.]

That's what I have you for. You get all the beauty sleep for me.

[he nudges Sora's shoulder with his own as he says it.

he's had shit sleep since Destiny Islands got destroyed, anyway. it's been just...shiter recently.

he still can't really believe it. a whole year of not finding Sora, of being apart from him...it's the longest space of time where he hadn't known where he was, couldn't feel where he was. but to hear that for Sora, it was much longer than that, it was upsetting.]

Planning on camping outside?

[Sora lets out a chuckle and nudges Riku's shoulder right back. He squeezes his pillow tightly and tilts his head to smile softly.]

I'm planning on camping out wherever you are. I hope that's okay.

[Beause he's not really going to take no for an answer. Sora knows that the rush of all of this happening is probably pretty crazy for Riku. And he knows he wants to talk.]

When was the last time we got to sit together and talk like this? Staying up late and eating junk food and watching movies?

[Even if Sora was never good at staying up late... Well they won't be able to do all of that but at least it's a start.]

[a lump forms in Riku's throat, and he tries to swallow it at Sora's words.]

It's always okay.

[he'll never feel complete without Sora next to him, anyway.

his thoughts drift to the last time things seemed normal, and that damn lump won't go away as he considers it. when he'd thought everything was so boring and terrible, but he had no idea how much he was taking it for granted...

he doesn't look at Sora, in case he sees anything on his face, and clears his throat before he speaks again.]

Well, we don't have junk food or movies...[but at least they're here. alive. together.] But I get the sentiment. We really haven't gotten to catch our breath in years, haven't we?

[Sora longs for those simpler days. As much as Riku probably teased him when they were little those days always meant a lot to him. They still do.

Even with Riku not looking at him Sora still looks at him. He wants to see Riku's face and memorize all the expressions and looks that Riku has again. He won't admit it but he used to be afraid of forgetting what Riku looks like. So he wants to see every line of his face, the colour of his hair, the shape of his features...

He sighs and lets out another puff of laughter.]

Yeah, it feels like it's been years. [...] But I'm really happy about that chance right now, Riku.

I am too.

[Riku glances back at Sora for a moment, lump reforming in his throat as he looks at his best friend. how he'd missed Sora's laugh, and positivity...

he blinks rapidly as he stands up, holding his hand out to Sora to help him up.]

If it's anything like our old sleepovers, we need to get you inside before you fall asleep mid-sentence. I'm not carrying you.

[even though he 100% would but he's not going to admit that!!]

[Sora looks up at Riku when he stands and for a second he's a little awe-struck. Seeing Riku here in the flesh is still so crazy to him. Since it's been so long since he's seen his best friend it's a little overwhelming to just have him standing there like that offering his hand like it's any other day.

His heart aches happily as he snickers and grabs for that hand to get himself up to his feet.]

Oh yeah, it wasn't any kind of sleepover without my skills in pillow-fort-making. So there!

[He's not letting go of that hand. Instead, he's tugging it and the taller boy right back towards the treehouse cabin.]

[Riku isn't quite expecting Sora to keep holding on to his hand and yank him, but Riku lets him do it. he gets yanked back into his own cabin (which didn't really have much in the way of decoration -- more or less just the essentials), stumbling over the threshold a bit as he does it.]

I don't know that we really need a pillow-fort...

[but he supposes that Sora's not exactly going to listen to him about this, and he's not going to fight it more than just a little bit of grumbling. just because he has to remain Cool at all times.]

But I know you're going to make one anyway.

[Maybe because Sora has one tiny fear that Riku will vanish on him all over again. That fear of losing his best friend kind of goes both ways these days.

And into the cabin they go with a clatter.]

I don't know that we need one either but it doesn't hurt to make one!

[Sora snickers and then does a bit of exploring before he finally lets go of Riku's hand so he can sit on the edge of the bed there. There's a smile on Sora's face but it isn't as playful as it was before. It's soft and a little contemplative.]

Riku? I'm just really glad you're here. I know I've said that a bunch of times over already but I just need to say it one more time.

[Riku watches Sora's smile for a moment as he sits down and looks at him. his chest tightens almost painfully and he feels his eyes sting. what had he been through, what he'd done, to preserve this smile? and he'd missed him so incredibly much, had worried they'd forget each other, even if that was almost ridiculous to think about.

almost. his own memories had dulled somewhat while Sora's mind was being tampered with back at home, something that's always terrified him since and after and also something he's never admitted to anyone besides Ansem the Wise.

he sits down on the bed next to Sora, still thinking and fighting his own memories as he puts his hand down to nestle in Sora's hair.]

I'm glad I'm here too.

[even if he's not directly touching Sora other than his head, he can still feel his warmth.

he's also trying not to let his conversation with Vanitas bother him, but it kind of does nag in the back of his mind.

it's that little nag that makes him ask his next question:]

Sora...are you sure you're okay? You'd tell me if there was something... [he pauses as he searches for the words to say.] different or wrong, wouldn't you?

[Riku's hand in his hair feels nostalgic. So many memories of the two of them as little kids. When Sora would scrape a knee and cry Riku would pat his head just like that and tell him that it was alright. Sora always wonders if he has all those memories lined up right in his head. He wonders if he can remember all of those days one by one. If the details are right. If he's forgotten them. If those memories even happened...

He tries to smile at first. That same Sora way that tries to bury away any negative feels with a smile and a shake of his head. But it's hard to keep that up in front of Riku's sincere questions. That's why Sora looks down a moment later and tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

Riku's always been like the earth. Grounding and safe. Sturdy and reliable. Always...]

There's just... So much that I need to still tell you about, Riku. And I guess I don't know where to start half the time. About the worlds I've seen without you and Kairi around. About me. About Roxas. About Vanitas...

[He looks back up at Riku.]

A part of me is a little worried you won't like me for what's happened. For the stuff that is different.

I can hear about everyone else later.

[he has suspicions. but he's not going to blurt them out, especially after having the conversation with Vanitas. he wants to hear it from Sora's mouth.]

I'm stuck with you, no matter what. [the hand that's in Sora's hair musses his hair a little bit more, before his hand falls to the shoulder opposite of where he's sitting.] If you're really uncomfortable, you don't have to tell me.

[. . .

it'd kill him, but it's true.]

I just want to know you're okay.

[Sora's expression softens when Riku's hand rests on his shoulder. He looks at Riku and this time he doesn't look down.]

Don't worry, there's nothing that I don't want to tell you about.

[He would never keep anything from Riku. Never. There are just some awkward things to bring up. A few things. But there are good things too. A lot of good things.]

But you can believe me when I say that I am okay. I am! I've been away from home for so long that sometimes I wonder if I've forgotten stuff and that makes me sad. But seeing you makes that hurt less. But I'm really okay.

You've already forgotten stuff once, we don't need you going around and doing it again.

[even though that'd been a huge fear for Riku. the last time Sora was completely unattended by Riku he had lost his memories...and he'd had to fight tooth and nail to get them back.]

Then tell me what's going on.

[it's not a demand, but a gentle nudge. he usually doesn't really pry so much, but...he feels like he needs to. he wants to make sure he knows this Sora, since he had known so much about him before.

but they'd been separated for so long, he's worried he doesn't know him anymore.]

[And Sora is worried about that too. Is he too different now? Would Riku think of him differently? He doesn't know.]

I've been away from home for so long I don't know if I should go back.

[Sora says this softly as he looks down.]

There's someone I want to protect now. And if he can't come home with me... [He swallows.] It's Vanitas.

[Riku thinks and listens to everything very carefully. honestly, he's not all that surprised about the Vanitas revelation -- Sora had made him promise to not fight him and he had had that conversation with Vanitas himself not too long ago...

going home is something that doesn't really bother him as much as people might think it does, nor could he really blame Sora. they'd both jumped into a war that they didn't understand, and been through so much. even though this world was a challenge of its own, so far it's nothing like what they've faced before.

there's a small part of himself that wonders where he stands with Sora, still. there's a contrary part that wonders if the whole sleepover thing is just for show, but...Sora's not that sneaky. he blinks and dismisses that thought before it can even settle in his mind.]

All we need is Kairi, and then we'll be truly home.

[even though he's a Master now, he thinks that he'd still follow Sora wherever he went, no matter what Sora thought of him. at this point, not being his protector just made him feel empty.

he sighs quietly, letting some of the tension leave his body while he considers his next words:]

You always did have a weird taste in people to be close to. [even if it makes some part of him ill, but he has to remember that Riku had fallen into darkness himself, for a time. Sora had overlooked that too, so it wasn't unprecedented.] It might take me a while to get used to...but you still can't get rid of me that easily.

[even though a part of him aches in a way he doesn't really want to acknowledge or understand, so he pushes it away. that's something for him to analyze later, when he's by himself. and besides, it's not his right to feel a kind of way about how close Sora can be with other people. he was the one who failed to find him, and Sora's protection has and always will be first at the end of the day.

as long as Sora can find reason to smile, everything he's done up until now is worth it.]

[It's strange. He always pictured what this conversation with Riku or Kairi would be like. Sometimes he would think that they would get mad at him or be confused about his choices. That it would put some weird little wedge between all three of them and Sora wouldn't know how to fix it.

But Riku says something he maybe should have been expecting. It doesn't matter where they are or who they're with as long as they can be together then home would be with them. And maybe that's the little puzzle piece he's been looking for. Maybe that's what he needed to hear to answer the questions he's had in his heart about going home or not. So he can't help letting out a small breath of relief he didn't know he was holding in.]

You're right, if Kairi was here too then I'd be right at home. With you, her... and Vanitas too. I don't want to leave him behind.

[He still looks a little unsure where that puts Sora and Riku too. Because maybe Sora's always wondered where that little piece of his heart would be if he could see Riku again. With the boy in front of him now Sora's heart feels oddly in two places for a moment. Because there's no denying that Sora and Riku have a special bond that is unlike any other kind. ... Where that leads them now... He's not sure either.]

I'm not gonna ask you to do anything you don't wanna do! Same with Vanitas, you guys gotta figure all that stuff out too! But it would mean a lot to me if we could. You know, figure stuff out. Without any fighting.

[Sora's cheeks warm up. He does smile.]

I'm just... really happy you're here, Riku. You're still my best friend and you're still one of the most important people in my heart. That's never gonna change no matter what happens. I really do feel more like Sora now that I can see you again.

[Sora's love for Riku and Kairi is a special kind of love. It can't be replaced it can't be removed. It's always there. Even if Sora's heart also loves one more person.]

[there's a moment where Riku sighs.]

I'll behave if he does, though I can't promise I won't argue with him.

[they're both kind of assholes in that way.

at the rest...an uncomfortable lump forms in his throat, and his eyes stings as Sora keeps speaking. there might have been a point where Riku had thought things would've changed, but it still feels like he fits right here, next to Sora. in any capacity.

he feels more like himself now that he's around Sora again, too. he'd been so worried, so hellbent on trying to find Sora, that he had indeed lost himself at some point. not to the darkness or anything -- but to his own sleep deprivation and fears.

that's when people had been the ones to pull him off of his search and told him to rest. even though he never really did.

he's never really been able to articulate his own feelings that well and so deeply, exasperated by him showing his whole ass to Sora way back then when Ansem had taken over his body. he wonders what Sora would think of him if he said everything on his mind, but...ultimately he decides he doesn't want to know.

he'll still stay quiet on that.]

You're still a sap. [it bothers him how shaky his voice sounds in that moment, but he clears his throat and tries again.] I guess that won't ever change, either.

[And just like that Sora can tell that Riku is still trying to be that grounded person he always is. Trying to seem so sure of himself so he can be strong in front of him and Kairi. He's like the earth- always solid always carrying everything.

Sora was much more naive back then to see those things. Always just relying on Riku without seeing the deeper things. But he's a little older now and that's why his expression softens when Riku replies.]

I guess I am who I am, huh? [Sora's voice is lighthearted as usual. But it's true.] This doesn't change anything else, though.

[Sora launches himself at Riku, pulling his arms around him and hugging him tightly before anything else can be said. He gives him a big long squeeze.]

Thanks for finding me. I know it probably wasn't the easiest thing to do. Let's stick together now, okay?

[Riku's not really sure why he was so worried about this sort of conversation with Sora. Sora's just so incredibly steady in his relationships, it makes Riku a little envious -- and it makes him want to be like him in that way.

he's about to say something, but then Sora pulls him into the hug. Riku's kind of surprised for a moment, sitting there awkwardly as his brain tries to process it. his eyes are stinging even worse and there's an uncomfortable pressure in his chest as he tries to urge himself to do something. to stay calm.

instead, he just wraps his arms around Sora, holding him close. Sora's warmth and scent is so incredibly comforting, after searching for him for so long.

and even though this was a dream world, it doesn't feel like a dream right now. it feels incredibly real, even though there's still some part of him that's surprised this is all even happening. how lucky he'd been, for once, to have things go his way the first time.

there's an almost desperate way that he gives Sora his own squeeze, chin on Sora's shoulder as he stares at the wall behind him to try to ground himself. he forces his breathing to remain constant and normal, and to think of anything else than the way he's feeling.

but he loosens his grip on the other boy a few moments later, if only to wipe one of his eyes with the back of his hand before they inevitably pulled away and Sora saw the emotion on his face.

he laughs at the comment, his voice still a little shaky.]

Like I'm ever letting you out of my sight again. You get into all sorts of trouble without me.

[Because this is real. Sora has to tell himself that too. This might be a dream world but these little moments and these little touches are real. Riku's real. He's here and everything's going to be okay. Even if things are changing or have changed? Everything's going to be okay.

He sniffs back a sniffle and pulls back too to smile up at Riku. That same old Sora smile that's warm and reassured. A smile that's a little more for Riku than it is for anyone else.]

Don't you know it. [Sora chuckles softly. Maybe his own voice is a little shaky too but he's keeping it together better than Riku is.] I've got a lot more trouble to get into so you better stick with me this time.

[A quiet promise between the both of them. This time Sora really hopes that they can stay together.]

[yeah, Riku's Been Through It, so he's having a bit of a hard time. but he's getting control of himself now, especially since they parted. he doesn't want Sora to see him cry -- he's supposed to be the strong one and Sora the emotional one, not the other way around.

he remembers for a moment Sora crying when he'd found him again when Riku was still in Ansem's body, and while he thought in his head what a sap, he feels like he understands it now. Sora had never really left Riku at that time, since he'd still been watching him from the shadows and guiding his way, but to Sora...they'd been apart for a while.]

Always. Even if you try to shake me off the trail again, I'll still find you.

[he ruffles Sora's hair, before shaking his head. enough of all that.]

I thought you were going to make a pillow fort, not have a heart-to-heart.

[And as far apart as they have been now Sora has technically been apart from Riku longer than Riku knows. The years that stretched with Sora lost in other worlds only to find himself here and dreaming. It's stretched so long now that the relief that Sora feels in his chest almost hurts. He honestly can't count the number of times he has cried about missing Riku and Kairi.

He chuckles softly and then swats playfully at Riku's hand before he flops down on the bed. Casually folding his arms behind his head like he owns the whole thing.]

I guess I got a little sidetracked. But what's new? [Maybe the pillow fort making can wait. Sora seems to want to talk more.] Now that you're here, Riku, is there anything you're looking forward to? Wanna do?

[Riku laughs quietly when Sora asks him what he wants to do. there's nothing he really wants out of this dreamworld yet, because everything he wants is right there, lying in his bed and taking up space. the way he'd missed so much...]

There's not going to be any room for me.

[but as always when he's trying to act like Sora's a nuisance, it sounds completely half-hearted, even as he shoves at the boy's shoulder a bit.

he considers his wording a little bit, feeling a knot in his throat again. that this was real, or as real as it could be, that he'd actually found Sora. but if this was a dream world, then would they be ripped away so easily again? maybe they were just doomed to be chasing after each other for the rest of their lives.

not that it's a hardship, because he'd follow Sora anywhere.]

There's this guy that I wanna catch up with. [Riku flops back on the bed now himself, not caring whether he lands on Sora or not.] He left me in the dust for a little while and had a bunch of adventures without me. He says he's been gone for a few years, but he's still pretty short...

[closed] you were like a ray of sunlight

closed to Sora

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