songerein | open 🌠 you see the shadows

Entry tags:

open 🌠 you see the shadows

Who: Tifa Lockhart & you!
Which: Open log + interactive dream
Where: Around Reverein, Mount Nibel
What: Mount Nibel Incident dream, and a couple of dream board postings.
Warnings: N/A for now

✨ i. "the day mom died..." — interactive dream

[There's a winding, rocky path overlooking the town of Nibelheim below, but where it should be clear, the mountain the path leads up is shrouded in a fog that only grows thicker with each passing moment, with what the eyes can see morphing and twisting in and out of view, almost as if the entire landscape isn't sure what it should be. There's an unshakable sound of static in the air, and a rumbling underfoot that isn't too threatening, but it's noticeable enough that it makes itself known.

On one ledge of the path up the mountain are four children. Three boys, whose faces fade in and out of clarity, and a girl with long, dark-brown hair, all looking up at the mountain as they talk, but their words are cut out by the static.]

"Mt. Nibel is scary. Many people have—there."

"—one crosses that—alive."

[The girl turns to face them all, revealing a much younger Tifa, not a day older than nine-years.]

"How about—died? Did—pass through—?" [Tifa wanders past the boys watching her, up the path.] "I'm—"

[Two boys follow while one runs the other way, threatening to bump into any dreamwalkers as he rushes back in the direction of the town. If Tifa is followed, they'll reach a bridge that she crosses fearlessly and without a word, but like the rest of the mountain, it fades in and out of view as well. There, the two boys who remain rush off, leaving Tifa to venture up the rest of the mountain alone.

...

But they stop upon seeing someone new. Someone who might be able to help?]

"Please, you have to stop her! It's dangerous up there! We're going to go back down and get Mister Lockhart."

[And off they go together without another word.]

** ( ooc: Because Tifa doesn't remember this event in full, I fully encourage anyone to have your character influence the setting as much or as little as you'd like! )

✨ ii. freeloading reindeer

[Having done some work on the communal gardens already, Tifa's grown handy with a hammer and nails. Not that she wasn't already proficient enough, but there's a difference between fixer-uppers around a bar that she knew like the back of her hand and building wooden flowerbeds and fences, and the latter has allowed her to at least learn some proper techniques in woodworking. Hell, she's even started learning how to sand and polish, so something like this should be a piece of cake.]

There. I think that's the last of it.

[She'd been hauling wood around all morning, the large planks thrown over her shoulder before she sets them down out in the middle of the farm where there's plenty of room to build out. It's nothing but a pile of wood and a bag of tools, and whoever else has come all the way out here with her, and around them, the reindeer will be grazing and curiously watching from afar, still not sure if it's safe to approach.]

So, it was a new stable for them and a fence, right? Gotta say, biggest thing I've ever built was a flowerbed so this'll be new to me.

✨ iii. new year's noctaere

[It is a little terrifying going up against the Noctaere, especially when she knows little of what to expect upon entering the dreamscape, but Tifa was never one to sit back or sit still for very long. Not when there were threats that needed to be taken care of. She might not be the most experienced partner in the dreamscapes, with her skills in dreamotion magic leaving plenty to be desired, but she can pack a punch when needed, and it has come in helpful in a lot of cases.

That isn't to say she's completely useless at magic, but she'd prefer to let her fists and feet do the talking if it came down to it. Which it will.

And just before stumbling into the dreamscape, she looks over to whoever has volunteered for the job with her, and gives a firm nod.]

You ready?

** ( ooc: if you have a preference for the dreamscape, then please let me know in the subject line! Otherwise, I'll randomize which one we end up getting! )

✨ iv. wildcard

[None of these prompts work? You know the wildcard drill! Feel free to leave something else below, or contact me via PM or @ crystariums if you'd like to plot out something! Tifa can be frequently found at the communal gardens, at the edges of the forest training, and just in general wandering around Reverein, so she's easy to bump into. Also okay with any of the dream board postings!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm...? Huh?

[Still dreaming?

She stares up at him through heavy lidded eyes, willing herself to open them enough that she can at least take a look around them. After several beats, she's able to sit up properly in his lap, anchoring a hand on his arm to keep herself steady when the white of the snow hits her, bright and blinding at first. She can feel the scar on her chest burning when she sees the pools of blood and the trail of it leading to where they sit, and how cold the snow feels against her skin...

Tifa can't remember how they got here or where they are, but this... isn't Nibelheim, or Reverein, or Camelot. Not even a place she knows on Gaia.

In all of this calm silence, she grips his arm tighter and leans into him, seeking out the warmth he gives off in the cold. She needs to make sure that at least one thing in this place is real...]

Where are we?

[He lets her sit up and look around, but his arm remains fast around her waist, as if he won't let her go any further.]

...We're in your dream, but I somehow managed to change it to look like this.

[Eustace only now looks around, finding much of it familiar. Which makes sense given how he just immediately grabbed a place in his mind and focused on it without any thought. And to pick this particular place... This field of pure snow. It's peaceful. Quiet. It's like a lie that covered up what just transpired.

But there is a sharp reminder right in his arms, and his eyes drift down to her chest. She may have stopped bleeding, but the blood stain on her top makes him clench his teeth before a hand moves to hover over it, as if afraid if he touches it it might reopen. He doesn't need to see to know the damage it must have left behind, and another twisting feeling forms in his chest.]

...Do you feel anything?

Edited 2022-01-13 17:10 (UTC)

...

[Tifa can feel it. She can feel the warm blood still clinging to her chest and her clothes, and the way that the scar on her chest burns. Her bones feel as if they'd been shattered all over again each time she gives it any ounce of attention, and the metal rods in her ribs make themselves known all over again. It's all a very painful reminder of what happened that day, and just when she thought she'd gotten over it and moved on, it came back to haunt her all over again.

It hurts so much still...

Her hand moves to clutch at her chest, but it lands over his instead and, undeterred, she only slides her fingers into his palm for comfort.]

No, I'm fine.

[It's an outright lie, and he'll know it any time she winces when she moves.

But it's silent again, and Tifa just gives herself a moment to sit there and take it all in. The snow may be a coverup, but she knows what happened. She knows that he'd seen it all—the reactor, the sword, how she'd fallen so easily... and while everything after that is a blur, she can still feel the heat of the flames on her skin... He'd seen the fires that had burned her home to the ground. No, he'd lived them.

Her body begins to give out again, and with a giant inhale, Tifa deflates and falls against him once more. Everything else be damned, she's relieved that she isn't alone.]

How do we make it stop? [How does she make the pain go away?] I wanna go home...

[His heart stops for a moment.

I want to go home.

...Of course. Of course that's what she would want, it's what most everyone here wants. To return to friends, family...loved ones. She lost her birth home, but she likely formed another one since. Regardless if they are still awake and moving around in their worlds unaware of what's transpiring in this one, that doesn't change how they still feel now. And she... She surely has people she misses and wants to be with. And while normally he doesn't pay too much attention, he recalls something she said before.

... You promised... You promised that you'd come when I was in trouble...

He doesn't know who she was thinking of, but it had to be someone important for her. Someone she would want to return to or be here with her. And that person...

Can't be him.

The thought hits hard because of his recent revelation of how he feels towards her, but it's not as devastating as it could be. If anything, it just leaves a bitter feeling that he could almost laugh. He has yet to decide whether to accept those feelings or try to stop it, and after all this he still doesn't know. Given the emotional turmoil she's sent him through he has no choice but to at least acknowledge it, but even if he accepts those feelings, that doesn't mean he's ready to act on it. No, he can't. He's not the one she really needs...wants.

But that doesn't mean he has to leave her alone, either. All he has to do is just not allow those feelings to deepen, to just remain as they are and slowly shutter them. In time he will move on and this will just be a bittersweet memory.]

...I know.

[Just a quiet murmur after a stretch of silence before Eustace closes his eyes and rests his head against hers, his fingers closing over hers into a warm, comforting grasp.]

...And it will never stop. The pain may dull, but it will always remain. Sometimes we just have to give into it. We just have to live with it and turn it into something else.

[His eyes stare out into the field, knowing out there are his own pains and weaknesses, pains he's buried over and over again. And soon he'll be adding another layer, the number of flower buds that had appeared slowly receding once more with only a small handful remaining.]

Just cry, Tifa. Let it out. Close your eyes and think of everything you lost... And then think of all the things you've gained. The things you still want to do. What you want to wake up to. Take all the time you need.

But I won't leave until you do. I'll still be here for however long it takes.

[So he will only do this. Be close, but not too close. Stand at the line but not cross it. To never cross it, to only watch and protect that warm little light from afar...and eventually turn away from it once she's surrounded by her own.]

Edited 2022-01-13 19:06 (UTC)

["I'll still be here..."

How long had it been since she'd heard that? And how long since someone had stayed true to their word? She's lost too many people in her life, including those she left behind in Midgar when she went to Camelot, and then again in this place... Some of them will come back, but others won't. And how many more will she lose when her time in this one is up?

Still, that promise isn't hollow. She can hear the intent and meaning in his voice, that conviction to remain in this dream for as long as she needs him to... Tifa realized a long time ago that she can trust him implicitly and unconditionally. No matter how much trouble she or they find themselves in, he's never once left her on her own. They've always worked together... And here he is again.

Her chest tightens as she tries to stifle the emotions that well up, but rather than sobs and cries, her eyes glisten thick with tears when she looks up at him. Her lips part and she wants to say something—she should at least say thank you—but she's choking on those words again. All she can do now is wrap her bloodstained arms around Eustace and hold on tight, afraid that he'll fade out before she's ready.

He'll feel her shoulders shaking with the small sobs and sniffles, and she tries to bury her face into his shoulder to hide it all. She doesn't want him to see her like this, so she needs to end this. To find a way out.

"Think of everything you lost... And then think of all the things you've gained. The things you still want to do. What you want to wake up to."

...

Her eyes close tight, blinking the hot tears from them before they burn the insides of her lids, and she thinks back to everything. Her mother, father, her friends, Cloud... Nibelheim. Seventh Heaven... Jessie, Biggs, Wedge... Home.

Home...

Right. Home.

It will be Tifa who begins to fade from the dream first, and the dream starts to shake and crumble, the skies splitting to reveal a familiar starry blanket—Reverein's stars, and the snow melts to reveal the flowers blooming, bright and alive, reaching for the small twinkling lights that sparkle around them as she disappears.

...

And then... Eustace will feel a warm, urgent tug back into reality himself.]

[She's still holding back. He can feel how she's still trying to keep it all in, how she's only letting out a fraction of what she truly feels. He shouldn't feel it, but he's beyond the point of "shouldn't feel something he normally would ignore." And it's a bit of a bitter feeling, her not wanting to open to him. At the same time, it's understandable. He would be the same if he were in her position. So he just holds her, eyes closing as he lets her take all the time she needs. Selfishly he allows himself to hold her like this, not knowing if it will be the last.

And then she begins to fade. Eyes snapping open, he turns his head to see how she shimmers as everything around them shakes and crumble. There's an instinctive flash of panic when he starts to lose that sensation of feeling her warmth, fingertips starting to pass through. But it's brief, remembering that this is a dream...

...Yes a dream. This is all—everything—even when he's out of here, is a dream.

So he remains sitting, waiting and watching her fade from his grasp, that twisting in his heart sharp as he can only think of how this could be like in the end. Watching her disappear to their realities. And even though the blooming flowers and the starry sky are so beautiful, it's heavy.

...It really is just a dream.

Those are his final thoughts as he feels that tug to be awakened, and the last thing he sees are the stars. Stars...that seem to be familiar but he comes to before he can really think much more. He wakes up to a low whine in his ear, a wet tongue on his face, and several paws on his chest, as if being shaken. Opening his eyes he finds at least half of the dogs staring down at him, and for a moment he's bewildered.]

What...

[—!

Remembering everything he hastens to sit up and stand, stumbling to the bottom of the stairs as he looks upward. The other half of the group had gone up and are likely checking on her like they did with him, and he calls up to her as he rushes up, voice urgent.]

Tifa?

[Did she wake up? Or is she somehow still asleep?]

[Her coming to is slow and steady, one warmth replaced by another within the blankets wrapped around her, and she can feel her face still wet with the tears as her eyes finally blink open to search the darkness. She can make out several distinct whines at the closed door of the bedroom, and Tifa only lays there and stares across at it for several beats before she realizes where she is, and what's happened.

The dream...

The last thing she had seen was the snow, and Eustace, and then the stars... The flowers in that field... Before she was here. Again.]

Eustace...?

[As if willing it into existence, she hears his voice calling her name from outside, and that's when she snaps up and throws the covers off herself. The door of the room swings open, and she hardly pays mind to the dogs waiting outside, rushing past them. Tifa isn't sure why her feet are carrying her this way, and so quickly and urgently, but the only thing she knows is that... she needs this. Whatever "this" is between them.

Just as he rounds the corner on the landing, he'll feel her body crash into his, her arms immediately seeking him and wrapping about, tighter than she'd held him inside the dream. She curls against him, and the tears that she meant to cry in that snowy field finally fight their way past her defenses, flowing freely into his chest.]

[His heart beats loudly as he takes the stairs two at a time before he hits the landing—and then has to immediately grab the railing when her body crashes into his. But just as he's about to voice his surprise, he feels the tears against his skin and his lips tighten into a thin line as he slowly leans forward and wraps his arms around her, just hugging her silently.

So it's now that she's letting it out... He's not sure if he should feel a little relieved or not as now it feels more visceral, more real.]

...You're all right.

[He manages to find the words that softly murmur against the top of her hair as he sighs.]

Just let it out.

[She does.

All of the hurt and pain and anger that she's held inside for so long... for seven whole years comes out now. Never, in a million years, did she imagine she would have to relive parts of it, and have it be so real. Tifa would awaken from nightmares of that night all the time, but eventually, she was able to weather them. They made her stronger, made her want to push harder to recover and find her strength... and here it was, breaking her down all over again.

It had made him suffer through it, too.

And yet here he is, after seeing all of what made Tifa weak, he's standing sturdy for her still. She could still question everything that she kept feeling when she was with him, but the answers are right here, as his arms reciprocate, and she can feel his head rest atop hers, and all she can do is let it out, just as he urges her to.]

I'm sorry... [she finally mutters through the sobs.

If she had a choice or a say in the matter, he would have found out another way—where he didn't have to live through the horrors of a fire, or seeing his family be the victim of it all. Where he wouldn't have had to stand helpless while it all happened, and carried her out of there like that...

Or maybe not at all.

But that isn't how this place works, is it? People stumble in and out of dreams all the time... but why him? And why that one?]

I'm sorry you had to see all of that...

Don't be.

[His answer is quick, but soft.]

It's not your fault—any of it.

[What happened to her, the dream, how he got pulled into it.]

...If anything, I should be the one apologizing for being there and not realizing what was happening sooner. If I had...I could have stopped it from getting as far as it did.

[But it is her fault, or so she'll continue to tell herself. Where did that even come from in the first place? What provoked her subconscious to venture down that road again? Moreover, what made it pull in Eustace? It's one thing to dream about old memories, but to rewrite it with him there instead of Cloud? Sure, she harboured some disappointment and frustration there, but...

Tifa pulls away from him then, her stare intense while she looks up at him, silent, like she'll find the answer to that question on his face. Like he's the one who will know why she so vividly remembered him being there, as if he were always a part of it. She questioned it and why some parts about it felt wrong, but there was no mistake that he was as clear as those who were really there that day.

She gives a slow shake of her head, and her nails lightly dig into the skin on his back without realizing.]

No. It's okay, but...

[ ...

Her gaze and voice drop away, and Tifa finds herself unable to say the words she means to, but if her grip on him suggests anything...]

Please stay...

[Hardly a whisper as her forehead falls to his chest.]

[As she holds his gaze, a strange feeling comes to him and it only worsens when he feels her nails scratching lightly against his bare back. He has to mentally push it down, but then he stiffens at her words.

Stay...

...

It makes sense, of course she wouldn't want to be alone. Step back from the line, step back from the line...]

...Of course. [A small exhale as he straightens his thoughts. He then glances up towards the bedroom door.

........]

...But I'm not sure if we would both fit very well.

[He says it dryly, meaning it in half jest.]

Edited 2022-01-14 01:17 (UTC)

It's fine.

[Where she would otherwise be shaky on this, she stands firm tonight. If she's being completely honest with herself, Tifa is a little afraid to go back to sleep or be alone, lest they fall into another dream of hers again... or worse, she would peer into one of his without his knowledge. It's one thing to be the dreamer, but it's a whole other to be the person who accidentally stumbles on something so personal, she can imagine, and...

She doesn't want to break that trust she's already worked so hard to earn from him.

So whether the bed is too big or too small doesn't matter, because the likelihood of her sleeping again tonight is slim.

She lingers a little longer before she takes him by the wrist and urges him to follow her into the dark room, and to the bed, where she slides up to the head of it and sits, leaving room for him to take a seat beside her.]

[When she pulls him after her, briefly he has to wonder if she realizes what she's doing to him. No, rather if this had been before anything this wouldn't be a problem. Awkward, but in a completely different sense. Right now, everything is just a bit too fresh and raw, decisions newly made.

But there isn't really time for that kind of thinking, anyway. He knows what's more important, and it's not too difficult for him to shift into a more appropriate mindset. What she needs is comfort, someone to be there for her. He can be close but still be objective.

So eventually he sits next to her, hands clasped over his knees as he looks at her.]

Do you want to talk about it?

[When the bed shifts under his added weight and she feels his shoulder bump against hers, she realizes then how little room there is on there, even just to sit. A heat crawls up her neck and her cheeks, but the darkness masks that, at least, and she curls her knees up to her chest to bury her face in. She tries to keep her voice steady, but the tension winding up tight in her stomach wavers it.]

You saw a lot, huh?

[Bringing it back to the forefront of her mind, she can feel that same burning over her scar that she remembers there being for the many days after she had woken up in Midgar, and her muscles feel tired all over again. A hand slides beneath the sides to touch it, to make sure that the wound hasn't opened as a result of the dream.]

Not really sure what else there is to talk about... Everything you saw is mostly what happened. Or what I could remember of it...

[He can feel her shifting movements, but he turns his gaze away upon seeing her hiding herself.

A number of questions come to mind, none that he would really ask as it isn't the time for it nor does it really matter. Were there any survivors? Has she been back? Who saved her? Who was the silver haired man? Who was she talking to? Who—]

Who did I replace?

[He stiffens when the question pops out of his mouth before he realizes it. He feels like a child being a hung up on such a stupid thing and he quickly tries to retract.]

Not, that's...

[FFFFFFFF.]

[Her head turns to rest on her arms crossed over herself, and she looks at him. He won't be able to see it in the dark, but a small, fond smile cracks her expression. She can hear him trying to backpedal through it, but he doesn't need to. She knows he means to ask, and what the dream did, but she still can't—or won't—figure out why.]

His name's Cloud. We grew up together.

[There is a lonely weight to her voice when she says his name. He probably doesn't need to know the details of their relationship, nor is it as important here, but... was that something that had been on his mind the entire time they were in there together? She can hardly remember what had happened in between when she fell and when she woke up in that snowy field, so did something transpire that she isn't fully aware of?

She tries to mend it all together, but gives up on that fairly quick, not wanting to find that answer. She despises not having all of the pieces of her memory...]

I don't know why...

[It's not as if he's some kind of "replacement" for Cloud. Never, in a million years would anyone be that... but Eustace... she'd be lying if she said he didn't mean something to her. She can't deny that he's special to her in some way.]

Probably just because you were nearby...?

[That's what she'll tell herself anyway.]

[Grew up together... So a childhood friend—and male. Then that promise...it would make sense, then if he made such a promise to her. And that likely meant...

He's silent for several seconds before he finally answers.]

...Perhaps. There's not a lot we know about how dreams work, but it might not be impossible. We'd have to ask if anyone has experienced the same.

...But I do find it strange how it mixed my memories with yours, and how it felt so real to me, even if there were times things felt strange.

[She'd rather not ask anyone if she can help it. If she has it her way, they'll drop this by morning, and she'll never have to think about it again.]

Dreams can be funny sometimes... Could just be part of how they work. Filling in the blanks or... whatever. Your consciousness tried really hard to find a place for you, and that's just where you ended up.

[Living next door, in Cloud's house. In his shoes. But why there...? Why not any of the other many houses in Nibelheim? Or maybe she's trying to pin too much meaning to something completely arbitrary.

Rolling her shoulders in a shrug with a tiny sniffle, she looks away again.]

Doesn't really matter... You saw what you saw, and that's that...

["That's that," she says. Eustace questions whether he should push or let it be. It's clear she's not comfortable, ready, or willing to talk about her dream...and truthfully he doesn't need to know, either. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter too much as what happened in the past can stay there, but sometimes they can return to rear their ugly heads. And if she has another nightmare having some understanding could help.

Yet seeing her like this, her outline a dim shadow in the moonless night, he lets it go and remains silent. If she wants to open up to him that's her choice. He can't really say much since he would be the same. And since she's not questioning about what he saw in his own memories, he won't speak about it. It would likely make things worse.

It's at these times he wishes he was more outgoing and knew how to better comfort her. So he just sighs and slips his arm around her shoulders to pull her to him for something like a hug.]

...Let's not think about this anymore and try to get some rest.

[She'd been on her way to resting herself against him when she feels the tug of his arm, and with a small, surprised gasp, Tifa's entire body falls to his, her smaller frame curled up beside him as her head finds a place on his shoulder. Any other time, this might have been just as awkward as their time in the box, or on the lake, but there's something comforting about simply knowing that he's there...

Again.

He always is, even when he doesn't need to be.]

Thank you, Eustace...

[Said through a heavy, relieved sigh. She won't be falling asleep any time soon, so Tifa lets her sleepy gaze wander to the window. After several silent moments of watching it fall, she mutters the observation out loud. No particular reason, but—]

... It's snowing again.

[Just like in the dream.]

[He glances at her, his gaze unknowingly softened. Regardless of what he ends up doing, at least he can do this much for her.]

...Do you like it? The snow.

[Tifa nods, feeling his gaze on her.

She's always liked it. Even back in Nibelheim, she loved the fresh snow—it was perfect for snow angels and snowmen, and she would never forget how all of the kids would run out no matter the hour to make sure they took advantage of it.

But more than that—]

It...

[Reminds her of him, but she swallows the words before they could ever leave her.

After that night... at her house... Tifa had spent a long time watching the snow fall. Her mind had been racing as fast as her heart was, and the only thing that eased it was the snow. Why, she had no idea, but she hadn't realized it until then that there were so many reasons why it reminded her of Eustace.

Its calm and cool air, how it was so silent but so very present. It could come down in a violent storm, or it could be gentle...

Her knees curl up closer to her chest, and he'll feel her weight shift closer as she continues to watch the snow.]

... It's nice. It calms me down.

[Feeling her relax, he starts to feel more relaxed as well. He sits back a little more, adjusting himself to be a little more comfortable.]

I feel the same.

[Of course, there's a bit of bias since had been born in it, but because of that it also makes him nostalgic and can be bittersweet at times, especially this time of year. ...Come to think of it, that day has long passed, hasn't it? He had completely forgotten about it with everything else happening and not really keeping up with the calendar—if there really is one.

He shakes the thought away as he looks down at Tifa's face, her features barely visible but he can tell she's looking out the window.

...]

Want a closer look?

Hm?

[She looks up at him then, accidentally noticing his gaze and immediately averting hers away when her breath catches in her throat.]

You mean outside? Isn't it a bit late for a walk?

[It's got to be long past midnight now.]

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