closed ⚡🌠 can we come back from this

[starshower]

Who: Eustace & Tifa
Which: Closed log
Where: Their treehouse, corgi tree, maybe some other places
What: After Eustace's Noctaere episode, he and Tifa try to put their relationship back together.
Warnings: Trauma, lots of sads, and then probably gross fluff after.


[It had been a struggle even getting home. After they and the others had arrived at Ori's home together, it was at Tifa's insistence that she and Eustace go back to theirs. For as grateful and appreciative as she was for all their help in saving the both of them, there are some things that Tifa would rather they be alone for, and this... whatever this is, is one of them. Never mind the guilt that she feels for having been the one to put them all through it—Eustace can argue with her all he likes, and they can all contend that they shouldn't feel that way, that none of it was her fault, but ever since she woke up from her weakened and frozen state, Tifa couldn't look any one of them in the eye.

Including Eustace.

Even as she walks with their arms slung around each other for support with Eria at their side, the journey home is silent. Only the stirrings of dawn can be heard—the birds that chirp in the canopies, the sound of dew dripping from the leaves, but nothing is quite so loud as their staggered footsteps, or her heart beating wildly in her chest, and her blood roaring in her ears.

Tifa tries to keep her anxiety to a minimum, tries to keep her thoughts straight, but all she can see are the claws of those lindworms as they came down to strike, and their scales that shimmered as they slithered around her. All she can hear are his desperate cries, and the sound of ice and electricity crackling as her vision darkened and her consciousness had begun to fade... She remembers the chill, the grips of death when it threatened to consume her, how cold his fingers were as they brushed against her face. The red in his eyes...

And then when she woke and saw the destruction he'd left behind. Saw her friends bruised and battered from battle. Saw him like that...

The thought is cut short by a sharp breath when they finally arrive at the foot of the stairs leading up to their home, her boot bumping against them when she hadn't been paying attention. The climb up is as dreadful as everything else had been, and she can feel the heat under her boots, the fires that try to claw their way out of the cage she tries to lock them in, to struggle against the trail of ice that forms in their wake. Even the tree's branches and leaves shudder as they walk through the front door, the flowers that decorate their tree that were once bright and vibrant freezing over and shriveling up, dying without a fighting chance.

It isn't until they're safely inside that Tifa so much as looks at him for the first time since they were at Ori's. Perhaps even before. Really looks at him. He's bruised and cut up, and he looks more tired than she's ever seen him.

Her hands fold together as she skirts her gaze away again, down to where she tries to stop her fingers from trembling when she bites back the urge to sob.

Tifa wants to say something, but... what is she even supposed to say? What can she say right now that would make this easier for both of them? She searches and searches her mind for an answer to the question that's been wracking her since they left the cliffside, but she's still coming up short of nothing.

Eria trots over and nudges Tifa with her nose, as if to encourage her to say something to break this tense silence before it all snaps. So, she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind in a voice so tiny that she's not even sure she's said anything at all, and it crackles, as if this is the first time she's ever spoken a word in her life. It certainly feels that way right now.]

... Do you want to get cleaned up first?

[First.

She kicks herself for it. Any other day and she would have suggested together, but her fear—not of him, but fear for them—is getting the better of her, and maybe that's for the best.]

Comments

[flamekthunder]

[He almost flinches at her touching her hand—not because of the heat, because that stupid feeling of inferiority. But as scalding as her heat is, it's a much needed warmth that helps melt away that ice that had started to form again. He, too, sees that perfect balance between them, once again thinking that despite their differences they're so well matched...

And her words are like a salve to his tattered heart. Even if he already knows that's what she would say, hearing it does help make it more convincing. Makes him want to really believe in her words.]

Even like this? ...Even after what I did?

[But perhaps what makes it so damn hard to really believe in it is that memory of how terrified she had been of him. It's still so fresh on his mind, haunting him.


Sensing the tension between them and how needlessly (in her opinion) insecure Eustace is feeling, Eria stares at the two of them before hopping off his lap, as if granting permission for them to be close for this. But she is going to butt in if they start being gross.]

[starshower]

[The second that Eria hops down, Tifa is gently placing Clover on the floor next to the wolf where she's happy to stretch, and within seconds, she's reaching for him at long last, pulling him to meet her halfway until she's holding him.]

Yes.

[Her eyes close against the crook of his neck where she buries her face, and he'll feel her give a small nod as well.]

Even like this, even after what you did...

[Tifa lifts her head just far enough that she can look him in the eyes.]

When you called off the wedding, I... [Only to look away from him again.] It was like I saw my life without you.

[It was brief, a split second in what felt like an infinite stretch of time, but it was there, and that hurt still lingers.]

I didn't like it.

[flamekthunder]

[Never has he felt so much warmth and relief when Tifa pulls him in and holds him, his arms automatically wrapping around her. This time he doesn't want to flinch away. This time...he wants her. Isn't that already proof enough of how he truly feels about things? So why does he keep torturing himself like this?

...Torturing them?]

I...

[He bites his lip as his arms tighten around her, eyes closing as he buries his face against her hair, her scent soothing and captivating.]

...I wasn't in my right mind then. But at the time I was thinking it would have been better if I just left completely.

[starshower]

[The hand on the back of his head only works to press him closer, to bury him further in her as she does into him, falling in so that she can rest on his shoulder.]

And go where? You'd be alone...

[They'd both be alone and right now, it's clear to her that it isn't what either of them would have needed or truly wanted, even without their right minds, or being clouded by grief. It isn't even herself that she's worried about, but what if he just spiraled back into those ways again? Being alone with his thoughts... Without anyone there to protect him from them like she's so desperately trying to do right now...]

How is that better...?

[flamekthunder]

[The silence is heavy before he lets out a long breath.]

...I meant I would return to my world.

[starshower]

[The room goes silent and still, like the world has suddenly held its breath. Even Tifa stops once her breath seizes in her lungs. The words feel like red hot claws scraping over her skin with the sole intention to tear her apart, and she thinks she'd much rather be facing another lindwurm right now than hearing that.

Tifa knows that isn't his intent anymore, or she hopes that it isn't, but that it was even an option at all is still a dagger through her heart. She doesn't want to blame him—she can't ever find it in her to do so, so she wonders what it was she did that made him believe that she would ever want or prefer such a thing. Even when things are hard...

How long she remains silent, she doesn't know, but it feels like that time stretches on forever, until it all finally starts again when she remembers to breathe.

Lifting her head, she looks at him, her eyes brimming with hurt that it falls out of her in quiet tears as she remembers the days where he had gone back to his world, and she didn't know when or if she would ever see him again. It was so cold, so dark, and this tree—their tree—had almost died under all the despair. Everything was iced over and looked like a cold, desolate wasteland. And that had been when he didn't have a choice.

... If he did and chose to leave... what would that look like?]

I'd be...

[Tifa cuts herself off. It's too selfish to beg for him to stay for her own sake, even if the thought of being alone again is so crippling that she can barely speak.]

I'd rather you be here... for us to be like this... than not here at all.

[Fighting together for what they both want... Fighting for each other. Even if it means that they'll have to endure all of this pain a hundred times over, wouldn't it be better for them to endure it together rather than alone?]

Those days you were gone... [She shrinks back away from him, but she doesn't let go.] They were the worst...

[flamekthunder]

[His own breaths are shallow and a little quick, completely aware of how his words are affecting her. Aware of what she is likely thinking. He almost doesn't want to continue, just drop it all and say he's sorry, that it won't happen again.

But...]

...I thought I was too much of a threat. I could have killed everyone, could have done so much worse... Even if I knew it would hurt you at the time it just seemed like the better choice in the end.

[...He had felt Eria's paw against his leg, as if she knew what he was thinking, knew that he had to tell her if just to be open and honest. This... Was what they were supposed to be doing, right?]

...And it wasn't just for your sake.

[There's a new tension now adding to the suffocation around them.]

[starshower]

[She almost wants to shout at him to stop before he can dare breathe any more life into those thoughts by saying them out loud, but she knows that it won't get them anywhere. She needs to hear it, and she wants to understand him, but there are some things that not even Tifa can stand to listen to.

Whether it was for her sake or his or for everyone else's, it doesn't matter, and she would argue that nothing is better off without him until she is out of breath and blue in the face if she knew that it would do anything to change how he had felt, or feels now. As they both know very well, words are never easy for Tifa, so she simply watches him, more tears falling freely while she listens...

Remembers what she saw in the cave...]

No one is better off. Nothing is better without you... [is all she can say in a choked, small, defeated voice.] Nothing...

[flamekthunder]

[For the most part he had been able to stay reasonably steady minded all things considered. But now everything is coming back like a tidal wave, and while he tries to keep in mind that it was all born from the circumstances... Those circumstances are still eating him alive.]

It doesn't matter!

[His voice comes out in a loud shout that surprises even him for a moment, but that rush of emotion is too overwhelming for him to hold back.]

You've never been there, Tifa! You've never experienced what it's like to lose your mind and do things out of your control! I tried to strangle Beat, bit through and threw Oriphi then shot her and Trahearne—electrocuted Beatrix, tried to drown Susato—I fucking speared through Aerith!

[Even as it all comes out, he knows he's losing it. But it's all been pent up, not wanting to let her know, not wanting her to hear this. To try and keep it to himself. But that has been the problem—he's only kept it to himself.]

Did you know I wanted to kill her? Kill everyone? I was thinking it would be better if I just ended their lives just so you could only think of me! Do you know how insane that is!?

[He's completely pulled away from her, his hands clenched in tight fists pressed over his eyes, as if trying to block out those memories. Block out that surge of hatred and jealousy that overwhelmed him. The room has completely blacked out, the ice erupting over the floors and the walls, withering the newly formed blossoms as it seeps into the wood.]

And do you know what I felt when I finally came to? Saw everyone's bodies lying there, seeing you? It was the lindwurm all over again! I just wanted to kill myself—!

[starshower]

[Tifa falls back, startled by his sudden and very loud outburst, and she can feel Clover leap behind her ankles to hide with a little mewl, but she doesn't move at first, too scared and stunned to do much of anything. But the longer he goes on, the more he talks... yelling about what he'd done to each of their friends, she's had enough.

Scooping the frightened cat up into her arms, Tifa stands and paces away. Only a step, but far enough that she can turn her back to him. Far enough that she can bury her face into Clover's fur where she sobs quietly to herself and hides.

"You've never been there," he tells her... but hasn't she?

She's been on both sides...

She thinks back to that night when the plate fell. She remembers the sirens blaring, the evacuation warning repeating over and over, and the deafening explosions and the groan of steel. The stifling heat of fire as it blazed over her skin when they narrowly escaped it. The sound of screams from the people she knew and came to care for below her... Barret calling out for everyone...

Her bar, her home, buried.

The only difference is that she had control over it, and it still happened anyway. She was in her right mind, and yet... Tifa could never take that back or make it right, and she isn't sure that she could ever forgive herself for not being able to stop it or being part of what caused it in the first place.

And now this...

On the other end, it's just one more thing that Tifa could have stopped... One more situation she could have taken hold of but was too weak and too scared to.

Except he doesn't know that. He might never know now...

...

Her eyes, red and sore and misty, snap open at his last words, however, and she whips around to face him.

Kill himself...?

Is that why...

She had only seen those last moments before she shoved the necklace at him, but Tifa didn't miss the way he broke the ice beneath his feet, as if he intended to drown himself in the frigid lake. She hadn't thought much of it then, but now that all the pieces are falling into place...

Her mouth falls open to speak, but her throat is so dry that nothing comes out. Not a sound. The room is still, the only noise the crackling of the ice as it spreads through the room, but there's that fiery heat that wages war against it, trying to snuff it out. It isn't a pleasant warmth by any means, but it feels like hot iron against her skin.

She could forgive him for being upset, for being scared, angry with himself, but this? What an unfathomably selfish wish...]

Eustace... [She can barely manage saying his name, or to stifle her frustration or the utter horror in her voice.] Did you really think that...

[ ... ]

Did you really think that would solve anything?

[Once upon a time, Tifa might have given up. She would have thought that there was no point—if he wasn't willing to listen, then why bother? Back then, Tifa had been ready to give up too, but Barret had said something to her then that she had shook her head to but took to heart all the same.

And she remembers what her response had been to that, and both ring true here.]

You need to look around you, Eustace. Everyone is scared. Hurt... but they're all going to try.

[There's a beat, and it's clear in the way she frowns and takes a staggered breath that she's trying to keep her voice steady, to keep it from rising too much like his did, but even her emotions are getting the better of her that it's difficult.]

I know it's hard but... We all have to keep moving forward. None of us should get to take the easy way out.

[They have both done things in their life that they regret, but they all have to face the monsters lurking in their shadows eventually, and how is he supposed to face any of them if he's gone...?

Tifa takes in another breath, or tries to, but her own have grown haggard and tired, and she folds again under the weight of the tension.

... Is she being too hard on him?]

...I'm sorry...

[flamekthunder]

[Her reaction is understandable. Unfortunately, there's not a lot of room for understanding right now. Even as he tries to keep the fraying threads from loosening further, all hope is lost when he hears her response. He's not sure what he was expecting... But it sounded so off base, so completely out of touch—]

You think I don't know that!?

[He stands up then glaring at her, the ice crashing as it rises behind him, tearing into the walls.]

But what else was I supposed to think, supposed to feel!? My emotions were out of control, I couldn't tell if anyone was dead or alive, I was about to change again! I was the reason for everything! If I killed myself then, it would be over for everyone! Hell I wish Beatrix hadn't held back and killed me so that it would have just ended there and no one else would have been hurt!

[Of course he knows it wouldn't be without its own negative repercussions. How badly it would have impacted them all, especially Tifa. But if someone had to die so that others would be able to survive, it only made sense that it would be him, the one who caused it all. So was death his answer as part of a sacrificial strategy? Or was that just an excuse because he also wanted it all to end, to make that hellish nightmare he was trapped in stop? Was it for the others? For himself? Both? There's no clear answer...especially when he hadn't been thinking clearly at the time.

So he knows she'll hate hearing it, he knows she's going to try and stop him now—but he's not finished. She wanted to know what he was feeling, what he was going through. He's going to tell her now.

All of it.]

You say you want me to try, you want me to move forward—the hell you think I've been doing all this time!?

[As he begins the recount in a chilling, harsh voice, a spike of ice breaks through from the ceiling. And although Eria growls, hackles raised as she backs up towards Tifa as if to protect her—she doesn't do anything else. She's keeping an eye on the situation, but not yet.

Not just yet.]

Halloween, I tried to hunt you down. The corgis, I lost my memories and attacked you. The gumdrop, and we fell into the lake where you almost died. Bleeding heart, I was possessed and obsessed over you. Romeo and Juliet, I was cursed to a lindwurm and killed you. This world took me away and left you alone. Trapped in that cage that drained my love for you, making me think it was impossible. The nightmare illusion of you dead on the moonscape.

[Eight spikes. Eight spikes encircling him as if ready to entrap him—or worse.]

Now I turned into a noctaere, and it took eight of you to change me back.

[Seven more appear around him, this time from the ground, each one representing those he injured and maimed—six he wanted to kill in that moment.]

Just "hard"? [A harsh laugh.] I don't want to give in, either, and I'd rather beat this than die. But even I have limits, Tifa.

So don't give me that speech as if this is just the first time. Not until you've had your complete will stripped from you and forced to see everything you love die over and over and over again. Until you feel that you are one step away from losing your mind and can only fear yourself, fear that you will one day wake up and find blood on your hands without even knowing why it happened and only remembering after the fact.

Or until you find yourself trapped watching it all without being able to do anything about it. Your mind completely torn one way and another—and it happens again and again no matter what you do.

So yes, Tifa. If I lost my mind again and it would prevent someone else from dying, I'd rather be the one to lose my life.

[starshower]

[Tifa's face is stoic the whole time she listens, but she's lost all colour in her face, like white porcelain washed out in moonlight, but that delicateness cracks and cracks with each time he lists, and each spike of ice that erupts from the floor until it finally shatters, and her tears fall, unrestrained and unchallenged.

There's a burst of hot air that rises in the room, as if to counter it. With each one, a fiery breath blasts through their home that's so hot that Tifa is forced to brace herself against it as it burns her skin and eats away at the ice that he's spreading. She tries to hold onto a purring, terrified Clover, but she wriggles free from her arms and bounds through the growling wolf's legs and away into hiding out of sight when Eustace's voice continues to rise.

She's terrified too, shellshocked at his words and the outburst. He's scaring her... more than he ever did under the influence of the nightmares. Scaring her more than the glowing eyes of the lindwurms, or their teeth that sink into her skin and their claws scraping over her chest. More than the screams and shouts of their friends as they tried to pull him free. More than waking up in a tomb of ice that he had created for her...

Scaring her because she knows that he's at his limit, and that this is what it's all come to. That this was his answer.

She wishes she could say that she understands, tell him that she's seen countless people suffer by her own hand, and yet, she's forced to move forward, but she's so stunned into silence that nothing she wants to say ever makes it to her mouth or past being a mere thought in her head. Would it even do anything? She doesn't think so. Not anymore, and she's only made it worse...

Tifa can feel her own anger and frustration rising, like a cauldron boiling over the heat that she creates and threatens to spill over. She feels the thread of her patience unraveling itself, but it's her cowardice that forces her to swallow it all down. It forces her to stare through this stifling heat at him with as steady a look as she can muster. To pull herself together for both of them...

But just as Eustace has his limits, Tifa has her own, and that patience finally snaps the moment he gives that harsh laugh and accuses her of not understanding. Of not knowing what it feels like. She thinks back to Biggs, Jessie, and Wedge in that moment. And then her mother, father, and all her friends in Nibelheim. All those people that she couldn't help or save. They are distant, fleeting memories before she's brought back to the present, brought back to the one man that she can help.

That she hopes she can help... Though even she can feel that light of hope dwindling as the room grows hotter and hotter.]

Stop thinking that running from anything is the answer!

[The words spill out of her before she can stop them, louder and sharper than they had been in her head.]

I get it. You're scared of this happening again... that you might not be able to fight it. That something might happen that can't be undone. Is that it?

[Because she understands that... She does... better than anyone. She lived in that fear every day in Midgar. Every Avalanche meeting. Every tick of those bombs that they left... She feared that one day, something would happen that could never, ever be reversed. And then... it had.]

But you need to stop. You need to accept what's happening right now. [She gestures around the room, and then to herself.] Yeah, it's going to be hard, but unless you plan to live like this until that day comes...

[Tifa shakes her head, the next words she'd wanted to say too harsh, she thinks.

So, the words fall away from her, and her silence hangs in the room again. Every word that she doesn't say is tangible, concrete, felt in the envelope of heat and smoke that makes her sweat and gasp for air.

But then she's moving towards him, step by step. Eria moves out of the way, and her feet don't make a sound as she walks over the pools of melted ice on the floor. She only stops when she's directly in front of him, and her eyes, dark and crimson, are raging with the fires that threaten to burn through the walls and tear this whole place down. Tifa stares at him, as if challenging him to push her away, before her head falls to his chest...]

You don't like fighting alone, do you?

[And then her arms reach up to wrap around him. Her hands are trembling—her whole body is, and he'll be able to feel that fear that this has struck in her, but she holds him anyway, in spite of that.]

... That's why you're still here.

[In that moment, Tifa remembers all those times he's listed from their past. Halloween, the tree, the lake, the Bleeding Heart, turning into a lindwurm, and when he'd left... And then this...

When she tries to speak, her voice splits with a small sob, and although her tears are still falling and staining her cheeks, she doesn't let herself completely break. Not yet.

It's softer now. Quieter.]

We can't lose to those memories...

[All those things in the past... the moment that Eustace and Tifa let them win, it's over...]

[flamekthunder]

[He knows he's scaring her, terrifying her, yet he kept going. To what end he does not know, but strangely enough—after letting it all there is a little bit of relief. A little bit of weight that's finally off his chest. For her sake he kept it in, not wanting to worry her for this exact reason.

And...

She's ultimately right.

It's what makes all of this more frustrating.

At the bottom line, he doesn't disagree with her. When she accuses him of running away, he doesn't fight back or deny it. He still doesn't see it that way, believing that sacrificing himself for the greater good is more logical, the better outcome. But at the same time he can't honestly say that a part of him doesn't want to be done with this hell he's been forced to cycle through over and over again, almost every month now.

Likewise when she points out his fears, he can't and won't deny that, either—he's already made it clear about that at least. That fear of hurting those he cares about, to be saved but at the cost of someone else's life—neither wants to lose the other and both wants to save the other. Both are willing to give up their lives for the other.

And acceptance... He had and tried to work with it, tried to figure out alternatives. It's here that the storm clouds above might rumble, where that raw, torn nerve is still too sensitive to think like he normally does. Because although it doesn't seem like it now, he does agree with her—he can't let this take over him, can't let this continue to get to him. Rationally, in the back of his mind he knows this. It's just emotionally it's still too frustrating, too exhausting to deal with. Pushed to the brink, teetering over the edge. Having had to pull himself back more often than he'd like now, it's no wonder he's dangling a lot further than usual.

But it's also why he's not trying to stop her, not flinching away from her heat or her stubbornness to approach him despite the numerous to keep her away. Because—

You don't like fighting alone, do you?

—she's right yet again.

And the moment he feels her arms reach up around him, he just closes his eyes and absorbs her warmth, the one that's different from the searing flames that melt over the ice. The one that always breaks through his own frozen walls, rips away whatever defense he tries to build up. Burns through the bullshit and excuses he tries to make. This push and pull they have—he freezes her in place, she frees him from his frozen cage. They never let the other run too far because of their desire to be with each other. And they never fight back for that same reason.]

...I know.

[His voice is also much quieter, weary—but softer. Gentler. It's now that his hands slowly rise up to first brush against her arms before wrapping her tightly around her back, head pressed against hers.]

The only reason I'm still here...is because of you.

I told you before...you're always saving me. All those times...it's because you were there to bring me back. I don't want to lose them either.

[Those memories.

Those precious, wonderful memories.

There are certainly a number that they could have lived without, but the happier ones? The beautiful ones? He doesn't want to lose them. Doesn't want them to be ruined by what's happening now. And as harrowing as his outburst has been...]

...I don't want to lose you.

[It was needed. Very needed. At the end of the day, no matter how much he rants or raves, his decision is to ultimately stay and work harder. So by now much of the ice and frost have receded, melted or thawed away into steam or warm pools, some of that warmth finally returning little by very little.]

[starshower]

[The second she feels his arms lift and wrap around her, the waves of heat begin to slow and recede, and Tifa's shoulders rise and fall with the breath that she had been holding onto and waiting for, her body falling against his until all her weight rests on him, and although she seems more relaxed, her fingers curl tight against his back, nails digging into his skin where they leave small, red crescent shaped marks behind. But even if it hurts, even if he asks her to stop, she isn't sure that she'll be able to let go. She holds him like he might disappear if she doesn't do it with all her might, clings to him like her life depends on it... because that's what it feels like right now.

He speaks to her, his voice falling back into that gentle, sweet tenor in her ears, but she's crying quietly into his shoulder, trying to push all that fear aside so that it no longer keeps them apart. It feels like a wall that's still there, a barrier that she's trying to smash through with her body and the power of it pressing up to his so desperately that her legs threaten to give way underneath her.

Maybe he just needed to say it all. Maybe he heard her, listened, and understood that just as much as he needs her, she needs him too. And with him gone, it would only be a matter of time before Tifa suffered the same fate... and the one person who could free her from that torment wouldn't be there to reach out his hand and pull her from it.

Regardless of whether he had or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is that they had both said their piece. That they both know what the other is thinking and feeling... What had gone through his head at the time so that she can help him overcome those thoughts that will plague him in the nights to come.

She doesn't know how she will do it, but that can come later. Now that she understands, they can figure that out together. Even if it means more of this push and pull, she's willing to endure it for him. Willing to go to whatever lengths necessary until he can truly, undoubtedly believe that she still loves him, wants him, needs him...

Later... Tomorrow...

"I don't want to lose you."

Tifa tries to say something—to give him some word that she's listening and that she understands, but it all crumbles the moment her voice tries to leave her, turning into more sobs. She forces them out, and they're violent, shaking her whole body until she feels weak and frail, and until it starts to hurt, and she can't bear to cry anymore.

It's only then that she tries to speak again, but her voice is as feeble as her body feels, like glass that's on the verge of shattering.]

I can't lose you... please...

[Please don't believe these nightmares or the lies they try to tell him. Please don't fight this on his own. Please don't keep her away. Please don't let those terrible memories win.

Please don't leave her alone...

Please don't...]

...I love you, Eustace...

[The starflowers that had been suffocated by the war between the fire and the ice flicker with their dim lights, their petals quivering as they try to breathe life back into themselves again, and they reflect like stars that twinkle in Tifa's tearful eyes when she lifts her head to look at him.]

... Can I... [Her lips, swollen and red, part ever so slightly with a breath as she utters her question.] Can I kiss you?

[It might seem like such an odd request, but it's riddled with guilt and trembling with nervousness. She doesn't mean for it to push them back into those habits, and she understands what Eria's intentions were when the wolf placed herself between them, but right now...

Right now, she wants that closeness. She wants to bridge that gap they'd put between them so that it has no room to grow.

But she needs to be sure that he wants the same.]

[flamekthunder]

[Once again those sobs break his heart all over again, especially when he knows he's the reason for it. But he just holds her tightly, paying no mind to her nails cutting into his skin as he matches her strength to just short of crushing her. Rather than the stinging on his back, it's the thorns in his heart and the heat in his eyes that he feels, his breath trembling as he holds back his own sobs. He's cried enough, and she's crying for the both of them. She's had to try and pull him together, to pick up the pieces so many times in this one night, this one morning... Even if he feels like he's standing on crumbling sand, he has to endure it now. Regain his strength so he can once again be there for her. Once again provide her that support and security she seeks in him.]

I'm sorry...for making you worry...making you like this...

[A soft, strained whisper against her ear before his lips press to the side of her head, wanting to soothe her and make up for all the pain and uncertainty he caused her.

So when she pulls back and asks that request, he doesn't answer. Instead he just stares back at her with eyes that still reflect the pain he still has to work with, but also that resolve and want to get through it. So rather than words, he just dips his head and takes her lips instead, that rush of warmth washing over them as the last remnants of frost melt and disappear once more.

They'll likely have to go through this several times over the next few days as the nightmares come and go, but as long as they have this—this warmth, this love, each other—then they'll be okay. That's what he wants to believe, anyway, what he desperately has to hold onto if he wants to make it through this.]

[starshower]

[They will undoubtedly go through this a hundred times before things are finally normal, or even as close to normal as they can be. Emotions are running high, they're both on edge, so these swells of emotions are only natural, aren't they? They will come and go, but she knows that even as bleak as things can seem, they can always find a way back to each other, just like they have now, and have time and time again in the past. He saves her, she saves him—that's how it always goes for them, but if that's what it takes, then so be it.

Because if this, right here, is where those roads will always lead, then she will tread any rocky path with him until they can get here again.

When it's him who offers the kiss instead, Tifa meets it in equal measure. It's soft, tender, sweet, but salted over with her tears. It's determined in how she pulls him closer, draws him further in, like she's resolved to melt their bodies together into one so she can shoulder his troubles with him.

Pulling back, Tifa stares up at him as if her eyes were drinking him in, like her heart can never quite get enough. She can see the speckles of sunlight that have started to poke through the windows again, leaving leaf-shaped spots on his face as they try to break through the branches that shroud their home, protecting them from the clouds and the storm that's finally lifting outside it.]

Please don't... don't apologize.

[She is the last person that he needs to apologize to, and she gently presses her fingertips to his lips, brushing lightly over them.]

Just promise me you'll remember what I said. And that when... when things get hard, or you feel like you're falling again, promise you'll come to me...

[That he won't try to handle it on his own, or try to run away in search of an easier way out of these nightmares.]

[flamekthunder]

[Instinctively his mind is thinking of reasons or circumstances as to why he might not be able to keep that promise, reasons to keep her shielded from whatever dark, unpleasant situation that would make him want to hide it from her. But then he pushes it to the side. She's already seen the worst of him, the lowest point he could possibly go. Why should he run away from when it only makes things worse.

So with a firm resolve he kisses her again, a hand behind her head as he cradles her as if she is the most delicate, treasured being in the world.]

I promise. But you have to do the same.

[He knows she is feeling guilt for what happened, knows that she is exactly like him and would try to handle something on her own, not wanting him to be hurt.]

Don't hide away from me...you can't be the only one who takes our burdens.

[He pulls back to look at her clearly, that familiar strength and resolve returning to his eyes.]

...You will be my wife. We'll hold each other and figure it all out—together.

[starshower]

[He always knows how to read her so easily. Knows what she's thinking and feeling, and even if she's relieved that they've come through this together, there are still those pangs of guilt and shame squeezing at her soul that he knows too well that she will try to shoulder on her own.

She will, for now, until he's in a better place, but there's a new look in her eyes as she nods for him. A silent promise that she'll stop running too. She'll stop hiding away from everyone like she always does and will share those burdens with him the same way she wishes for him to do with her.

...

If she's to be his wife, then that's how it should be.

And Tifa's lips tremble at his vow. After what she'd heard at Ori's house, even if they had almost immediately reversed his call to end the wedding, hearing Eustace say those words again—calling her his wife—makes her heart swell.]

...My mate... I promise.

[She echoes the sentiment quietly, in a whisper like she's afraid the world will hear this secret, and before either of them can say another word, she's pulling him in for another kiss, and her lips will tell him everything she doesn't need to say...]

[flamekthunder]

[Likewise, hearing her call herself his mate makes his heart tremble, a different flow of emotions drowning out the lingering doubts and negativity that continue to sink their claws into him. They won't be completely washed away, but at least for now they will have receded to the point where he can focus on what they have, focus on that potential, that wish, that hope—that future that's still within their grasp.

So he meets her eagerly, matching her actions and expressed feelings with his own. The only thing that disrupts them is the hard thwack against his leg as he feels Eria's tail smack against it, and he frowns, not wanting to part from the kiss but forced to remember what the two animals were doing. Unwittingly he begins to pull away, but when he looks down at the wolf, she only stares back up at him before huffing and walking away.

...?

Is she not...going to force them apart?

.......

The urge to lift up Tifa and take them back to their room is strong. He's already shifting his arms, pulling her closer to him in that familiar gesture, even starting to walk back a little to pull her with him. As usual, the moment they start sharing their warmth and desire each other's closeness, the more difficult it is to resist that want to be intimate. To once again reaffirm and express their love. But even if Eria is only just sitting there staring at them, Eustace bites his lip and lets out a small breath.

...Restraint... Right.

....

Dammit he really wants to just—]

...Is there...anything else you want to talk about?

[Said in a voice that really implies they don't have to—especially with how his lips brush over hers as he speaks, fingertips circling around her lower back...and his eyes staring into hers with that spark of heat barely contained.]

[starshower]

[It's what Tifa expects him to do, and she can feel him moving in that familiar way that she prepares to brace herself with her arms around his neck so that he can carry her off, whisk her away back into that blissful place. Even if it's just for a brief respite, just a moment away from all of this... She wants it. She'll take it.

So, she laments quietly to herself when his lips leave hers, taking her breath with him, but she can hear the wolf beside her, and she can feel Eria's tail sweep against her leg as she wanders away to search for Clover in the kitchen. Any other day, Tifa would laugh it off and drag him back to their bedroom herself and throw the door shut behind them, but today...

His question has her eyes moving up to meet his, and she feels her knees buckle under the intensity of his stare, and that heat reflecting in those blue pools of his to match her own, reigniting that spark inside her until it's burning hot.

There is so much more that they need to talk about, none of it anything she necessarily wants to... but Tifa can feel her heart racing in her chest, her fingers splaying across his back so that she can draw him nearer, and her lips parting for his as he brushes them over one another...]

...

Later...

[Her arms circle around his neck the same way they always do when she knows that he's about to carry her off, signaling to him that it's what she wants.]

Right now, I just... I can't...

[She just needs a moment to breathe...]

[flamekthunder]

[A small part of him wonders if he should really let them do this... But with how their hearts race in unison, that desire to soothe their wounded hearts in the way they know best, to give them just that little bit of respite, he gives in. Just for a little while. Just long enough so that they can be in a better place to tackle the next difficult conversation. So he swallows her lips, his arms lifting her up so that her legs can wrap around his waist as he then carries her back to their room.

Eria makes no move to the stop them. In this case...she'll let it slide. Instead she looks at the damage done to the living room, the burn marks made by both the ice and the flames. Although some of it is already healing, she just sighs and pads over to where Clover has hidden away. With a reassuring nudge of her nose and affectionate lick, she picks up the kitten and makes her way to the door that opens on its own to let them out. Outside the wolf glances back to see how the damage had started to seep outside, the shadows on the far side of the tree longer, some of the branches blackened.

Yet the skies above are clearing, the storm finally passing. Even now flowers are already beginning to bloom, the wind picking up in a warmer, refreshing breeze that causes the battered branches to sway. And as she watches sudden bursts of flowers appear near where the bedroom is......she turns her head and sets Clover down so that the kitten walk on her own. ...Where to go...should she give them an hour... Two? SIGH damn sex addicts—


Who knows how long time has passed, but it's nearing late afternoon when Eustace realizes he had fallen asleep. It was only a brief nap, but when he opens his eyes and sees Tifa in his arms, he smiles. He can't really remember what he dreamed, if anything at all, but...waking up to this is better than a dream. Gently his fingertips circle around her back and arms, his lips brushing over the top of her head. There is still much to deal with, but...right now he can let himself feel a little more content. Let this to continue to be a reminder of what he's trying to protect and fight for. Reminder of why he can't give in...]

[starshower]

[She wonders, too. She continues to wonder if this is right, but all those doubts are swept away as he lays her down in their bed, swept away by the soft brush of his fingertips and his lips over hers as they silently reaffirm their promises to one another in the truest, purest way they know how.

It could be that this is the comfort that Tifa needed to finally get that rest. With so many things out in the open between them now, leaving still so much left they need to talk about, she feels exhausted. Tired, both emotionally and physically, and so it's no wonder that, after spending those hours alone with him again, she finally gives in to the blanket of sleepy warmth that drapes over her.

It's short but deep, and she doesn't know if she's dreamt or not through it all before she's stirring gently, feeling his lazy touch on her back, and the press of a kiss to her forehead. Or maybe she's dreaming that, too. Maybe she's imagining the way that cool, late afternoon breeze brushes through the window, and how the sunlight on her skin helps to ease the goosebumps that rise in its wake. Maybe she's dreaming of him holding her, the way his familiar, masculine scent fills her head as she steadily breathes him in...

Tifa mumbles something incoherent before she's slowly blinking open her eyes to check...]

[flamekthunder]

[His smile only deepens as he watches her stir awake, that quiet mumble making him feel a tender warmth as he impulsively brushes his lips over the tops of her eyes before...

...

His lips find hers for a sweet, tender kiss.]

[starshower]

Mm?

[The kiss surprises her, simply because she hadn't properly woken yet to understand what was going on, but it's only seconds before Tifa is stirred further out of the cloudiness of sleep, the kiss gently tugging her back into the waking world where he's waiting for her.]

Eustace...

[It's purred the second his lips leave hers, and there's the very subtle happy surprise in her voice to find him there, like she wasn't expecting it. How far had she fallen into the sleep? How long was she asleep for? The sunlight in the room as she tries to blink the drowsiness from her eyes tells her it might be late afternoon, but she'd lost track of time long before they even thought about returning here.]

How long...? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep...

[flamekthunder]

[A soft, light chuckle as he brushes his lips over her eyes again.]

Not long...I fell asleep, too.