closed ⚡🌠 can we come back from this

[starshower]

Who: Eustace & Tifa
Which: Closed log
Where: Their treehouse, corgi tree, maybe some other places
What: After Eustace's Noctaere episode, he and Tifa try to put their relationship back together.
Warnings: Trauma, lots of sads, and then probably gross fluff after.


[It had been a struggle even getting home. After they and the others had arrived at Ori's home together, it was at Tifa's insistence that she and Eustace go back to theirs. For as grateful and appreciative as she was for all their help in saving the both of them, there are some things that Tifa would rather they be alone for, and this... whatever this is, is one of them. Never mind the guilt that she feels for having been the one to put them all through it—Eustace can argue with her all he likes, and they can all contend that they shouldn't feel that way, that none of it was her fault, but ever since she woke up from her weakened and frozen state, Tifa couldn't look any one of them in the eye.

Including Eustace.

Even as she walks with their arms slung around each other for support with Eria at their side, the journey home is silent. Only the stirrings of dawn can be heard—the birds that chirp in the canopies, the sound of dew dripping from the leaves, but nothing is quite so loud as their staggered footsteps, or her heart beating wildly in her chest, and her blood roaring in her ears.

Tifa tries to keep her anxiety to a minimum, tries to keep her thoughts straight, but all she can see are the claws of those lindworms as they came down to strike, and their scales that shimmered as they slithered around her. All she can hear are his desperate cries, and the sound of ice and electricity crackling as her vision darkened and her consciousness had begun to fade... She remembers the chill, the grips of death when it threatened to consume her, how cold his fingers were as they brushed against her face. The red in his eyes...

And then when she woke and saw the destruction he'd left behind. Saw her friends bruised and battered from battle. Saw him like that...

The thought is cut short by a sharp breath when they finally arrive at the foot of the stairs leading up to their home, her boot bumping against them when she hadn't been paying attention. The climb up is as dreadful as everything else had been, and she can feel the heat under her boots, the fires that try to claw their way out of the cage she tries to lock them in, to struggle against the trail of ice that forms in their wake. Even the tree's branches and leaves shudder as they walk through the front door, the flowers that decorate their tree that were once bright and vibrant freezing over and shriveling up, dying without a fighting chance.

It isn't until they're safely inside that Tifa so much as looks at him for the first time since they were at Ori's. Perhaps even before. Really looks at him. He's bruised and cut up, and he looks more tired than she's ever seen him.

Her hands fold together as she skirts her gaze away again, down to where she tries to stop her fingers from trembling when she bites back the urge to sob.

Tifa wants to say something, but... what is she even supposed to say? What can she say right now that would make this easier for both of them? She searches and searches her mind for an answer to the question that's been wracking her since they left the cliffside, but she's still coming up short of nothing.

Eria trots over and nudges Tifa with her nose, as if to encourage her to say something to break this tense silence before it all snaps. So, she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind in a voice so tiny that she's not even sure she's said anything at all, and it crackles, as if this is the first time she's ever spoken a word in her life. It certainly feels that way right now.]

... Do you want to get cleaned up first?

[First.

She kicks herself for it. Any other day and she would have suggested together, but her fear—not of him, but fear for them—is getting the better of her, and maybe that's for the best.]

Comments

[flamekthunder]

Mmm...

[Nope he is still comfortable. So much so he could fall asleep like this.]

[starshower]

[...

Tifa bites down on her lip, stifling the smile she can feel spreading and the giggle she knows will come with it, and she wraps both arms around him to press his face further into her.]

Well, you're welcome to stay like this if you think you can manage on the way to the kitchen...

[Is she challenging him? Maybe. But already, her heart feels lighter. This is the exact sort of thing they both need right now. A brief respite from all the other things that still hang over their heads that she knows they will have to get to soon.

For now, a breather...]

[flamekthunder]

[A breather when she could be suffocating him—

He just chuckles a little at that his nose nuzzling against her skin as things remain chaste... Until his lips start to move.]

...And if I convince you to stay...

[And there are his teeth, lightly grazing against her soft flesh before nipping at her, his hands now at her hips.]

[starshower]

[This sly, sly wolf.

She can't help the noise that escapes her or the light rock of her hips, and he almost makes a very convincing case. He could convince her to stay, and they could just lay in bed for the remainder of the afternoon, spend it in each other's arms and company. Honestly? Tifa would love nothing more than to give in to the whims of passion again, give in to that warmth that only he can provide that will help chase the shadows still lingering away.

But there are other things—other responsibilities—that she realizes they need to tend to. A certain cat and wolf duo are likely hoping for some food...

...

And if they don't get up now, she doesn't think they ever will.

Tifa teases him with another roll of her hips in his hands, and a kiss to his ear, but she's already trying to wriggle playfully out of his arms.]

Then we'll never get up. Like I said, you can stay where you are... as long as you come with me.

[flamekthunder]

[It's not as if he's forgotten. Although it was a little tempting, he knows there are 14 named responsibilities waiting for them, 9 of which will be in this house... Though that may be why he wants to cling onto her while the time alone lasts.

...And perhaps as an excuse so that the lingering shadows don't creep back in.

Of course, that isn't fair to Tifa nor does he want to turn everything into some desperate escape, even if she might feel the same. So he just breathes against her skin, the hot air warming her lightly bruised skin as his hands tighten their hold to keep her to him. He'll give up and let her go, but he wants to tease her just a little more.]

Wouldn't it be difficult for you to move?

[His mouth is definitely wandering now.]

[starshower]

[Even if she does try to free herself, and even if he does let her go, she doesn't go far, nor will she protest to his wayward lips finding more places to kiss and tease. She encourages him with the slight arch of her back, savouring the feeling for as long as she can.]

Not at all.

[It's said with a whisper in his ears, her breath tickling the fur there.]

Just move with me.

[It might be a little difficult, but she's not too inclined to let go of him either.]

[flamekthunder]

I think we'd have more luck if I carried you.

[Another low chuckle as a hand slides up her waist...but just as he's palming the underside of her breast, ready to take in more of her, he pauses. He had been ready to actually let her go so that they get up and move forward, but instead he's keeping her here with him. It was partly to tease, but...it would be a lie to say a part didn't have a genuine desire to trap her here. It didn't even necessarily have to be sexual, it's just...how things usually ended up with them. Whether it's on a calm day or there's some emotional backdrop, it doesn't take much to stoke those unbridled flames of passions.

And it's always been mutual—or at least, it's always felt like it. The eagerness they both share to connect with one another in the most intimate ways, never feeling satisfied until they're completely spent. Even then it's as if they're always starving for each other, ready to latch on and never wanting to let go.

Now he wonders—]

...Is it wrong that I want you so much?

[Said in another time in another context, those words could have been seductive, a passionate confession to heighten the mood. Yet his voice is quiet, questioning...uncertain.

And he finally pulls away just enough so that he can lift his head and properly look at her in the eye, hand slipping down to her side.

What they're doing, how they are...at first glance no, it's not wrong. However, if it's all born from that insecurity and vulnerability of losing each other... ....It's not so wrong, either, but perhaps... If it's like now, he isn't consciously trying to use it as an escape, but...isn't it still resulting the same? Is he...unintentionally using her? He honestly doesn't care if that is the case for her, if she wants to use him that way. He'd gladly give it, but... Is it the same for her?]

...Are you forcing yourself?

[Does she feel as if she needs to comply to his "demands" for his own comfort?]

[starshower]

[She feels that shift ripple through their room, with its center right at her heart. Tifa had been prepared to crawl back beneath the covers and to drag him with her, but his words and the sudden weight behind them, and him hesitating and pulling back from her... The distance that it puts there, however small, is enough to allow some of that warmth to slip away, and it becomes harder still to hold onto it when she hears the wavering in his voice.

Harder when the realization sinks in that he is feeling and wondering the same things she has since they first kissed earlier that morning.

She felt guilty for it. Deep down, beneath the bliss that eclipsed everything else, there was that part of her that wondered, too, if what they were doing was right. If they should be indulging in one another like this. She wondered if they were just running away or using this comfort to help ease the pain in the moment before it all comes roaring back like the relentless storm that it is. It's clear that he wants it, and she had made sure that he did, and to show that she does, too...

Which is why his questions make her heart sink.]

Forcing...?

[There's a stretch of silence that follows, but the lightness of the moment is dwindled, and she's probably to blame with how heavy her expression becomes.]

No, I'm not.

[She looks him straight in the eye as she says it, even if it suddenly feels harder to do.]

But... [Her brow furrows with worry, as the next words come slowly, and to make sure that he knows she doesn't want to let him go, she wraps her arms around him again.] I did think about... if it was right for us to do this.

[flamekthunder]

[Fortunately, although her thoughts are similar to his, it's actually relieving. Relieving to know that even in their worries, they're on the same page. So there's just a small sigh of relief that helps lessen some of the tension that had grown and he pulls himself up so that he's more eye level with her, forehead touching hers.]

...People handle and express pain in different ways... This may be just how we handle ours—and I'm not really against it as long as it's mutual.

[Which it fortunately has been. ...And really of the various ways they could let go of their emotions, this is probably one of the better ways all things considered.

While one hand remains at her side, the other rises up to gently brush her cheek.]

I just...don't want you to feel as if I'm using you... Regardless of the why's, everything I do is out of my love for you.

[In other words, he's not seeking the sex just for the sex. It's only with her, and it's only because he can make that deep, intimate connection with her. In a way it's healing, but...there's still the big question of whether it's right.]

But I think...where it could go wrong is if despite everything, we still ignore the underlying problem.

[Which...................................it hasn't been a perfect record. They're usually better about communicating things between and after each act, but there may have been a couple of times the main underlying issue still remained unaddressed, their love actually getting in the way and disguising the main problem. They'll think they're in a better position, but maybe it was just a temporary fix.]

[starshower]

[The return of that closeness is a relief. Tifa had, for a moment, been afraid that she had done something to upset him or to trigger the thought, so when his forehead meets hers, she closes her eyes and sighs along with him.

As he continues though, she feels that familiar pull on her heart—the kind that makes it ache and hurt with guilt. Not simply because he had been feeling this way, but because it was a shared thing between the two of them, and neither of them thought to say it until he finally did. She should have known better... Should have seen the signs earlier, or maybe just not pushed him to let her in at all until they had figured it all out, but...

This, right here—the physical touch, this closeness and intimacy is their language. Their way of telling one another and reiterating their feelings when those words are difficult to form.

She shakes her head, and she does lean up to sneak in a kiss, wanting to capture those thoughts away from him.]

I never thought that. I... I wanted all of this, too. I'm not the greatest with words, but I needed you to know that I'm here, that I love you. No matter what. Saying it just... it didn't feel like it was enough.

[They never are to truly convey the depth of her feelings for him. She could wax poetic for days about it, write poems and music and shout them all from the rooftops so he would understand, but it never felt enough for her.

It never would be.

It's too deep to simply spin a few nice-sounding sentences together to tell him how much she means it all.

...

....]

But you're right.

[As much as she hates to admit it, she felt like they were running away from the real problems this time. Tifa knew they would have to face them eventually and was happy to put off the inevitable for just a little longer. To savour the warmth and the relief and happiness and love that came with it...]

I thought about that, too. I wondered if I should feel guilty about it. Like I was trying to run away from it... [Quickly, realizing how that sounds, she adds on:] That's not the case, though. I wasn't doing it for that.

[Case in point: she's not good with words when it comes to her own feelings.]

[flamekthunder]

[He feels that similar ache, the thought of her feeling guilty and him indulging and accepting in it as well. Eustace never really thinks about it given how mature Tifa is, but there are times when he remembers that he's the older one in this relationship—much older—and while he's still new at it all, too, he should at least try and help look out for the both of them just as she does.

Yet even so, again there is a bit of comfort knowing that once again, even in this they seem to be on the same page. So he just lightly nuzzles her, fingertips gently caressing her cheek as he gives a slight shake of his head.]

Don't. If you do, you'll have to keep in mind that I share in that guilt.

[There's a soft, wane smile as his eyes reach hers.]

And... Given everything, I don't think it's so inexcusable that we end up taking this path. Especially now...with what happened... Like you, I prefer action over words.... And I can always feel your sincerity and reassurance through it.

[A small, light kiss.]

As long as we continue the dialogue after... I think it's fine to use each other as comfort so we can get into a better place first.

[As he said, at least in this case... Making love was really the most certain way that both of their insecurities could be alleved a bit. Him believing she could never love him again out of fear of what he did...and her believing he would not look at her the same because of her scars. They kept trying to say otherwise, but it was only through that act of love that the point could really be driven home.

Just like they are now, neither wanting to shy away from the other except out of their own insecurity about themselves. Each touch, each kiss, each caress—all of it carried what they really mean. What they really want. And that's each other.]

[starshower]

I just...

[His eyes meet hers, and Tifa feels herself giving way beneath the weight of everything that pools beneath them, and for a second, she finds herself at a loss for words and breath.

She doesn't wish to share that burden of guilt with him. If she could bear it alone silently, she would. She never meant for him to feel those things, or to worry that they might not be going about it the right way. If he wanted to use her for comfort, then she would let him, and she would give him everything if that was what it took for him to understand. If it meant carrying those doubts, she could do it.

But she doesn't have to. That's never the case with him. He's always right there with her, ready to lift her up when she feels like she might stumble and fall, and here he is again doing it even with his own burdens weighing down on him. Burdens that she wants to help bear...

They aren't so different in that way.

And the longer she looks at him, the more she begins to realize how lucky she truly is.]

I just... [She finally repeats again after what feels like an eternity.] I needed you to understand... I wouldn't leave you. That I don't see you differently. That I don't love you any less.

[And she's happy that she could tell him that in the ways she needed to.

She opens her mouth to say the words she's been wanting to for so long. "I'm sorry"... but she stops herself and closes it, settling for a light kiss instead.

Now that they're in that better place with fewer doubts lingering between them, then maybe...]

We really should talk about it. All of it...

[Tifa never meant to put it all behind them, or pretend it never happened. She wants to hear his thoughts, his fears, his worries... Everything that is going through his head when he isn't holding her close.]

[flamekthunder]

I know...and deep down I knew, but... Now I can really believe it. And the same is for you. [Another small kiss, this one carrying a bit more pressure and feeling behind it.] Don't ever think less of yourself...especially around me.

[He could continue, but........there is a very real risk that in the process they'll fall back into their trap.]

...But you're right. Let's...get up and get dressed.

[A wry grin.]

I doubt we'd get very far like this.

[starshower]

[One more kiss... that she quietly and shamelessly steals from him first, but even as he says it and she nods, Tifa holds onto him tighter.]

Just a little longer...?

[Just let her have this moment a little longer before they have to force themselves to face everything. She wants to take in as much of him as she can and give him what he needs in return before they leave the warmth, comfort, and safety of their bed.

She doesn't ask for very long, but she simply sits there with her arms around him, her face nuzzled against his chest, breathing in his scent, and listening to his steady heartbeat and the sound of his breathing, with her fingers brushing sleepy lines over his skin.

When they finally do get up and get dressed, Tifa in a cotton tank top and sorts, it's with his hand in hers that she tugs him along to the kitchen with her, never once letting him free from her grasp. Even as she washes some mixed berries and throws them into a bowl and brews them a fresh pot of coffee, or as she sets out food for Eria and Clover when they come back inside, she keeps his hands steady on her hips as she moves about, taking the bowl to the couch before returning for their drinks, all with Eustace in tow.

Until they finally settle on the couch together with their coffees in one hand, her fingers threading together with his with the other.

And now that they're here, Tifa doesn't even know where to start, so she buys herself some time to sip her coffee slowly, but her red eyes never leave him as she stares at him over the rim of the cup, watching him as intently as she has been all morning for any shift in mood.

Well, they have to start somewhere, and as she watches the two animals eat for the first time today, she turns back to Eustace, something else dawning on her.]

... The dogs. [They just... kind of left them with the others for the morning, didn't they?] You think they're okay?

[flamekthunder]

[A very soft smile as he muzzles the top of her head as she presses her against his chest.]

Of course.

[Regardless of what he said, he really would give her all the time in the world. As long as he had her he would do anything she wanted.

Though he is a little amused at how she clingy she is to him. He also wants to be close to her, but to want to hold his hand and make him hold her hips? The latter extremely dangerous given how sensitive they both still are, often tempting him to brush his lips against the nape of her neck and shoulders, and more often than not this hands slip around to the front of her waist.

Really this woman.

It's only because of what they just discussed that he manages to keep his resolve and not just pick her up to take her back to bed. Course what does that say about himself when he has so little restraint around her...?

He is also ignoring Eria's judging stare. Look they just went through a terrible ordeal and she is basically his wife already let him have this...!

When they finally reach the couch and he manages to sip his coffee, a small grimace flashes over his features.]

I was thinking about that... They should be in good hands, but we should pick them up soon.

[starshower]

[She knows Eria is there, and she is very aware that she is watching the two of them through judging eyes, but for once, Tifa ignores it.

She wants this closeness, and so she's going to take every single moment of it that she can while they have this peace and quiet, and before their home is filled with dogs. It isn't as though she's looking for anything more than just having him near her—although she is teasing him a bit when she sets his hands on her waist, but that's as far as she would let them go.

For now.

Tifa's lips pull into a tight line behind her cup.]

I'm sure they'll be happy to be home.

[Or one of their homes... but she does wonder how he's feeling about that. It wasn't just Tifa frozen in that cave, but the dogs that had come with them too. And then the others who had come all the way from town for them... It will be hard for them and for Eustace, she knows, and it will take some time for some of them to come around, but at least they'll be here. They'll be with them. And Tifa wants to help.]

[flamekthunder]

...I hope so.

[And there it is, a bit of gloom that covers the once sunny room. Although not storming, some clouds have turned gray above their home and drifted over, casting a few shadows here and there.

Eustace still vividly recalls how the dogs had tried to help, to make him see how wrong he had been. How he had callously frozen the ones who didn't move fast enough... And Briallen... When they got back, he could hear her whimpers, see her hiding from him.

Terrified.

His grip tightens on the cup handle and he hears a small crack on the ceramic. Looking down and seeing the crack, he quickly places it on the coffee table before he accidentally breaks it completely.]

[starshower]

[It's the crack that startles Tifa. She expected the clouds that rolled in, and the way the sun disappears behind them, and even the slight heat that buzzes around them, but his grip on the cup is the thing that surprises her so much that she instinctively flinches at the sound, and all of that tension that had left her in the recent hours has already started to come back.

But she takes a deep breath and offers his hand a squeeze, and as she shuffles along the couch to be closer to him, she can see Eria and Clover both approaching through the corner of her eye.]

They'll come around.

[This isn't an empty promise or an attempt to soothe him. It's something that she's absolutely sure of.]

They love you... and they know you love them. If you give them some time and be patient... they'll come around.

[Even Bri.]

[flamekthunder]

...I know.

[At least in his head. In his heart... He can't help but worry. Worry how that trust he had built with them could have fallen in matter of moments.

He glances down at her hand and gently squeezes it.]

...I suppose it's a good thing I can understand them now.

[At least that will help in the communication...even if it also makes it more heartbreaking.]

[starshower]

[Tifa intends to be there every step of the way through that. At least she could help mediate anything or offer them all some comfort while they overcome it. She doesn't know how they'll react to him besides what she saw that night before leaving Ori's, but from what she had seen... It could be hard on all of them for a while.

Still, she tries to offer him a smile when she feels his hand squeeze hers in return.]

Yeah. ... We'll figure it out.

[Not he. Not they. We. Because that's what families do, isn't it?

Silence falls between them again when she isn't quite sure how to follow up with that. They should be talking about it all, everything that happened, but all she wants to do is reach out and hold him. She shouldn't, but she aches for it, that want rippling through all the way into her fingertips as they curl and dig a little into his hand.

She almost does, but as if sensing that, Tifa feels something small drop into her lap. Clover mewls at Eria as she's picked up and placed there, but she happily rubs up against her affectionately, nudging her face up against Tifa's cup before she's forced to set it down.

....

......

Meanwhile, Eria is already starting to climb up into Eustace's, as if she were as small as Clover.......]

Wh—?!?

[flamekthunder]

[Eustace is feeling it, too. He's trying to keep his eyes on their hands, but they flit up to Tifa's every now and then, seeking that comfort she so easily brings him. Now that he's made aware of it, it's a little shameful yet at the same time, he can't bring himself to care too much about it. It's only natural to seek comfort when troubled and in grief. So like her, he's about to just lean over and pull her in when he first notices Clover being dropped into Tifa's lap.

...?

And then he feels Eria's paws on his knees and an all too familiar weight.]

Hey—wait, Eria!

[Of course the wolf doesn't listen, and in one easy bound she's upon in Eustace's lap, first sitting on it and rubbing her nose against his chin—because she would never lick how unrefined—and butting her head against him. Her tail thumps against his side as she continues to not so subtly PUSH him further away from Tifa, planting her fluffy white butt right in the space between them while the rest of her body drapes oh so magnificently on him.]

....................

[What the hell just happened.

And why does Eria look more pleased than the actual cat in the room???]

[starshower]

[Meanwhile, Clover is giving Eria her most catty, withering look before she's leaping up into Tifa's arms, and Tifa is staring between Eustace and the wolf in surprise.

What... is happening......?

But the moment she meets Eria's eyes, and she gives her the same whine she had given when they arrived home, after she encouraged her to go to him and talk, she thinks she understands what she's trying to say. Or maybe she's making this all up in her head... but they risk falling back into their habits. She had been close to doing it, and then they never would have talked about all the things they're meant to.

...]

I guess... now's a good time to talk.

[And there seems to be some note of satisfaction in the wolf's gaze.]

[flamekthunder]

[Eustace notices the silent exchange, frowning a little as he looks at the wolf. But rather than saying anything, Eria just looks at him first innocently and then with great disapproval before she closes her eyes and nestles her head against his chest. Aaah yes, just like old times.

With a sigh as he's starting to understand what's happening, he places an arm around Eria's back, fingers digging into the thick, soft fur to idly pet her.]

...So it seems. Where should we start?

[Because there is. A lot. Not only with the recent happenings, but also old things that were tied along with it.]

[starshower]

["Where should we start", as if it were that easy. There isn't anywhere to start, and then too many places to at the same time. Tifa, herself, has a lot of questions... a lot of things she wants to know so that she can understand him better, but feels to afraid to ask.

But that's why they're doing this, isn't it? Because if they don't set aside the time for it or prepare themselves to talk about it, then they won't. She knows them well enough to know that old habits die hard, and they are very much the type of people who will seek comfort in each other and be content with that.

When they shouldn't be... She gets that.

Tifa cradles Clover carefully against her chest and gives her a scratch behind her ears, and she immediately closes her eyes and begins to purr.]

What...? [With some trepidation, she starts, and it's clear she's already tiptoeing.] ... What can I ask?

[flamekthunder]

[He can understand her own hesitation. Anything could be a ticking time bomb, but... They need to do this. So he just shakes his head.]

Whatever is on your mind.